"Believe me, I will not listen."
"You talk, and I'll pee. Talk loud to cover up the pee sound. Tell me something interesting. You always have interesting things to babble about."
"I do not babble. But for the sake of blocking out any noises you are about to make, I will ignore that remark and tell you that Celeste loved the messenger bag you gave her. And she didn't blink twice when she saw the packs of hinges you'd put inside. She even had me add some a couple onto Flat Finn, so he now bends at the knees and the neck. Next up are ankles and elbows. Pretty soon he'll fit into the bag like your note told her. It's actually a fairly genius idea that you had, Julie."
"I know, right? I'm a smartie, too. Not as smartie as you because you are abnormally smart. I mean, seriously, Matthew Watkins. Do you know how bizarrely intelligent you are? It's pretty freaky. I've never met anyone like you at all. What were we talking about? Oh, yeah. So Celeste can just fold up ol' Flatty and pack him in the messenger bag so no one will see. What about you? Did you like your shirts? They're funny. Han Solo is hot. Everybody likes him because he was already hot and then it was awesome when Princess Leia said I love you and he said I know. That added to his hotness. That line is timeless. And the popsicles? They're hilarious, right? I will admit that I sorta like all of your shirts."
"Obviously when you get drunk, you lie. And talk a lot."
"I am not lying. They are actually a tiny bit adorable."
"I knew you would come around."
"I'm done peeing now."
"Thank you for letting me know."
Julie shuffled into the hall and caught sight of herself in the mirror. She swayed a bit from side to side and frowned at her sagging hairdo. "I look crazy. I think I should go to bed now."
"Probably a good idea. Happy New Year."
"Wait, don't hang up yet! Tuck me in."
"Tuck you in?"
"Yes. Tuck me in. Come to bed with me. Oh, wait, that's not right, is it? Can you imagine?"
"Imagine what?"
"If we went to bed together. That would be bananas, huh?"
She heard him sigh. "This conversation has officially taken an alarming turn."
"You're just figuring that out now?" She plodded back to the bedroom, shut off the light, and got under the covers. "Matty?"
"Yes, Julie?"
"I have to tell you something."
"Go ahead."
"I like math."
"I think that is wonderful."
"And there's something else."
"Shoot."
She cupped her mouth with her hand, whispering. "I'm a virgin."
"Oh my God, Julie, I'm hanging up now."
"I'm serious. This is important. I'm a freshman in college. How can I still be a virgin, huh? Nobody else is a virgin. Nobody else in the whole world. What about you? You can't be. I mean, you had that girlfriend and everything. And you're old."
"Thank you."
"Well, not old. But older than I am. So you definitely can't be a virgin, right? Tell me. You've had sex, right?"
"I don't think we should be talking about this."
"Come on! Don't be such a baby. It's a perfectly normal question."
There was a long pause. "Fine. Yes, I've had sex."
"I knew it!" she yelled triumphantly. "Have you had a lot of sex?"
Matt laughed. "I suppose it depends how you define a lot."
"That means you have! Man, at the rate I'm going, I'm never going to have sex."
"Are you in a big rush?"
"Why wouldn't I be? Everyone says sex is great. It is, isn't it?"
"I don't know that I qualify as an expert, but, yes, it can be great. If you're with the right person." He was silent for a moment. "So you and Seth never...?"
"Ha! I knew you'd want to talk about this stuff! No, we never did. I didn't want to. Seth was cute and nice and perfect and all that, but I didn't want to. He just wasn't the guy, you know? I want the guy. The everything guy. Not the dumb Prince Charming, nauseatingly-perfect everything guy. That's pathetic. I want the flaws-and-all everything guy."
"You'll find him. Not when you're drunk and slurring, but you'll find him."
"Hey, they're counting down to midnight. In stupid New York where all the stupid cool people are. Let's count together."
"Tell me when."Julie looked dizzily at the screen. "...seven, six..." Matt started to count with her. "...five, four, three, two, one!" She watched the hordes of people wave their arms and cheer as the famous ball dropped. The cameras panned to couple after couple caught up in kissing."Happy New Year, Julie."
"Happy New Year, Matty." She turned off the television and rolled onto her side. "Matty, I have another question for you."
"Uh-oh."
"Are you a skilled lover?"
"And that concludes our evening chat."
"I bet I could be a skilled lover. I'm very energetic. And a quick learner."
"You definitely need to go to sleep."
"Oh, fine." She yanked the sheet up higher. "I can't stay on the phone anymore. I have to get to sleep."