Under The Christmas Tree
Flat-Out Love, Chapter 21, MPOV
Matt Watkins This season always brings back warm memories of peeing in terror on Santa's lap. Warm, wet memories.
Finn is God This is the season I always mix up “mistletoe” and “cameltoe.” Either way, I'm getting slapped.
Julie Seagle The only thing that stands between you and your dreams is the fact that they are all illegal, immoral, and disgusting. Dream on, you little pervert!
This was probably a stupid idea. He'd probably gotten everything wrong, and Julie would think this was incredibly dopey. Nonetheless, Matt continued lighting the candles on the Christmas tree. Even as tall as he was, Matt still needed to stand on a step stool to reach the top of the enormous tree that he'd picked out. It had been a nightmare trying to find candleholders that could be attached to the branches, but that's what Julie described in her Thanksgiving chat with Finn, and Matt wanted to give her the Christmas setup that would make her happy. As much as she seemed quite comfortable here, this was her first year away from home, and she must be missing the familiarity and routine of the holiday at her house in Ohio. California certainly couldn't be the same, although he was sure that she would have a good time with her father.
Matt flinched as he burned his finger on a flame. Julie said this whole candles-on-the-tree thing could be dangerous, and she was right. He stepped back and surveyed the room. Okay, maybe she would like it. All of the house lights were off downstairs, but between the hundreds of twinkle lights on the ceiling and the candles on the tree and the ones nesting in green garlands, the room glowed warmly on this dark December night.
His e-mail alert sounded, and Matt checked his laptop.
Finn—
Thinking about you. That's all.
—Julie
Matt bit his lip. He was lucky that she'd been holed up in her room for so long, probably about to go to sleep, and that he'd been able to get this all done. But now that he had, he was feeling embarrassed. What was the point? All he was doing was adding to Julie's feelings for Finn. This love triangle had reached new heights, and as much as Matt loved geometry, this was not the sort of triangle he wanted anything to do with.
Yet it had become progressively easier to keep up his role as Finn. It was sick, he knew that, but…. He didn't know how to get out of it. She had to see what was going on, didn't she? On some level? She easily accepted that Finn couldn’t call. Way too easily. She wanted to believe in him. That had to be it. It’s why she never pushed harder for him to get to a phone. But half the time, Matt himself forgot that this online thing wasn't real, because they both got so totally caught up in the increasing number of e-mails and chats that it felt like nothing else mattered. The feelings they were having were real. The context of the charade allowed for that. Being able to feel what he did for Julie, even in private, was addictive.
He didn't want to have to give that up. Not yet.
He would do it, though, if he could. If there would be no repercussions for Celeste, and for Erin, he would give this up and let Julie hate him. As she probably should.
Julie—
I hope this message goes through. I keep falling off the network here. Thinking about you too and miss you. (Is that weird? How can I miss you? But I do.)
I'm not going to make it to Boston this month. I'll explain later. I'm so sorry. I don't know what to say.
Glad you're still awake because I have a surprise for you. I know it won't make up for my not being there, but it's all I could think to do:
Go into the living room.
—Finn
This was it. She would come downstairs and laugh. He felt rotten about the e-mail because he knew that he'd just broken her heart a little by telling her that Finn wouldn't be home this month, but he was hoping that this Christmas thing he set up would help. He just had to buy some more time until… until… well, he wasn't exactly sure. Matt didn't want her upset. He knew that there wasn't any chance in hell that she could shift her feelings for who she thought was Finn over to him. The way Matt behaved with her online was so different from the way he could bring himself to do in person. And he’d promised Erin.
Matt looked at the tree. It really was quite spectacular. Then he frowned. He’d missed two of the candles near the top, so he got on the step stool again to light them.
“It's beautiful.”
Julie's voice startled him and he almost lost his balance. “God, Julie. You scared me to death!”
She laughed. “I'm sorry. I just got a message from Finn, and he told me to come down here.” She walked forward and lightly touched one of the branches. “It looks amazing.”
Matt lit the last candle and stepped down. “Don't blame me if the house catches fire. This is all Finn's idea. He said it would make you happy?”
“It does make me happy. You did all this for me? I mean, Finn asked you to do this?”
Matt stuck his hands in his pockets and looked at the ceiling of lights. “He sent me a list of instructions and included detailed threats of bodily harm if I didn't follow his demands to the letter. I think I got it all.” Matt moved to the coffee table. He glanced at the laptop's screen and shut the lid, hiding his e-mails to and from Julie. That had been careless of him. Maybe he wanted to get caught? “Yes, okay. Now we're supposed to lie under the tree. That does not sound traditional, but he said you would understand?” Matt looked doubtfully at her. He didn't understand the appeal of this concept, but it sounded important to her.
“I do understand. Come on!” She grabbed Matt's hand and pulled him to the floor with her. “I do this every year. You’ll like it.”
“Finn owes me,” he muttered as he followed Julie and lay on his back to slide under the lower branches. Right now he felt like an unwilling participant in someone else's scheme, and the touch of her hand made him edgy because it felt too good. “Ow! If I lose an eye for this, I expect a massively expensive Christmas present from you both to compensate me for my troubles. Like a bedazzled eye patch or something.”
“You have to go slow, silly. Don’t fling yourself into the tree. Ease your way underneath. There. See?”
Matt scooted himself under the tree next to Julie, and instantly he could feel the shift. In himself, in reality… maybe even between them. The rest of the room disappeared, and there was just the two of them alone beneath the dance of the candlelight. There was no outside world anymore, because under the tree they were shielded from everything. It was beautiful. Beautiful and terrifying.
Matt took a deep breath and tried to relax. “Actually, this is sort of…nice,” he said.
She turned to him. “I've never done this with anyone before. It's always just me.”
“Oh. I thought I was supposed to stay here and do whatever it is we're supposed to do under the tree. Do you want me to go?” Matt started to slide out.
“No, stay!” She stopped him. “I like the company.”
Matt smiled. He was glad that she wanted him here. “Okay. So what do we do?”
“We think about profound things.”
“Ah. Philosophical ponderings and questions? I'll go first. Prove to me that you are not a figment of my imagination.”