And that’s when he murmured Julie’s name.
It was awful.
Dana was very kind about it, but it was an inexcusable thing to have done, even for a twenty-year-old guy who was in the worst dry spell in the history of dry spells. And this wasn’t him. He wasn’t the guy who slept around, indulging in whatever one-night fling he could. Matt didn’t do that, and he didn’t want that.
With one hand under his chin, Dana lifted his head. “I thought so.”
Matt froze.
She smiled. “You’ve got it bad, don’t you?”
Matt didn’t answer that. He didn’t have to.
“It’s okay, Matt. I’m not upset. You talked about her all through dinner—obsessively so, if I might point out—so I’m not exactly surprised.” She paused and ruffled his hair with her hand. Damn. How could he not have been aware that every topic they’d covered had led him to mention Julie? Dana lifted an eyebrow. “She doesn’t know, does she?”
Matt looked away.
“It’s okay. I won’t tell her, I promise. That’s up to you.”
He slumped back into the driver’s seat and dropped his head. “I’m so sorry. I don’t know what happened there. I shouldn’t have—”
“Stop worrying.” She put a hand on his shoulder. “I knew what was happening. I just thought we’d have some fun. It wasn’t a great idea. We’re both not over other people, and we were trying to forget.”
“Didn’t work out very well for us, did it?” Matt managed to laugh softly.
“It never does. Although there were some damn good moments there.” Dana laughed. “Julie ought to pay more attention.”
Matt looked out the windshield at the empty street. “That’s not going to happen.”
“Give it time. You’re too far gone for this not to work out.”
**********
It was nearly midnight, and Matt and Julie had been talking and listening to music since he dropped off Celeste at Rachel’s house for a sleepover. Only Julie could take his mind off of the fact that his sister was away from home for the night. For the first time. Rachel and her mother seemed nice enough, and Julie was positive that this would be a complete success, so Matt was trying to relax and not think about the possibilities. Flat Finn was folded up and hidden away in Celeste’s bag, but what if one of the other girls found him? Or what if someone made fun of Celeste for… for any myriad of things? His sister’s confidence on the drive over was helpful, though. She was ready for this step, thanks to Julie, so Matt would be ready too.
It was a nice evening. Roger and Erin were away again for the weekend, off enjoying the mid-spring weather, so Matt and Julie had the house to themselves. Hanging out with Julie was always fun, even if it was just a night of friendship.
Julie was wrapping up a phone call, and Matt was pretending not to know that she was pressing Dana for date details via a poorly disguised conversation about a nonexistent study group. That’s what he got for not answering Julie’s probing questions about his date, and he could only hope that Dana didn’t throw him under the bus. Julie did nearly drop the phone at one point, so he could only imagine what she’d heard.
“Sorry,” Julie hung up. “Important stuff about my study group.”
“Sounded like it. I’m going to get something to drink.” Matt stood up. “And how’s Dana?”
“Oh.” Julie looked away, but he saw her blush. “Ahem. She’s fine. Sorry.”
The house phone rang, and Matt left his room to locate the handset. Julie’s interest in his date made it hard to suppress a smile. It didn’t mean that she was on the verge of throwing herself at him in a jealous fit, but he didn’t mind if Dana revealed one or two things to Julie, nor if those things had touched even the smallest jealous nerve.
He was in such a good mood that it didn’t occur to him to worry about getting a midnight phone call. “Hello?”
It didn’t matter that Rachel’s mother spoke in a steady, gentle voice as she relayed that Celeste was in tears—hysterics, really—and that she needed to be picked up. The room started spinning as Matt listened to the voice on the other end of the phone explain that his sister was still on the floor of the bathroom, unable to stop crying or shaking. It also didn’t matter that the other girls were asleep and didn’t know. Nothing mattered except getting to Celeste. He flew downstairs and ran his hands over the small cubby shelves in the kitchen in search of the car keys. He could barely see straight.
“Matt?”
“Where the hell are my keys?” He touched his jean pockets and then scanned the countertops.
“I think they’re hanging by the front door. Where are you going?”
Matt rushed past her, and she followed him into the front hallway.
He snatched the keys from the hook in the foyer and then stopped as he grabbed the door handle, turning around and facing her, furious. “I told you. God damn it, I told you, Julie!” He was screaming at her now.
She took a step back. “What are you talking about?”
“Rachel’s mother just called from the party. Celeste is having a meltdown.”
“What happened?” Julie took her sweatshirt off of the coat rack and started to follow him out. “She seemed so sure of herself.”
“No!” he said pointing at her. “You are not coming with me.” He would be happy never to see her again.
“Matt? Please. I can help. I can talk—”
“No! You did this, I’ll fix it.” If he could. If Celeste wasn’t too far gone. Who knows what happened at the party that sent her spiraling. Matt slammed the door behind him. He couldn’t think clearly, all he could do was react.
He drove calmly, paying careful attention to his driving. Collecting a nearly incapacitated Celeste happened in a daze. The frighteningly loud sobbing that she was able to contain at Rachel’s house erupted in the car, and all he could do was keep her hand in his while he drove and tell her over and over again that everything would be okay. It wouldn’t be okay, but he told her that anyway.
Somehow he was in the house, blowing past Julie, and carrying his sister to her bedroom. He tucked her under the sheets and rubbed her back. Celeste was inconsolable, unable to talk, so he just stayed with her and sat through the awful wails as his rage mounted. Listening to his sister’s agony was nearly intolerable. This was Julie’s fault. Her expectations were careless and thoughtless. She had asked for too much from Celeste, and this was the result.
Later, when Celeste was nearly spent of tears, she rolled to face him. “I am sorry, Matthew. I am so very sorry.” Speaking was a struggle right now, he could see that. Her fragility wrecked him.
“There’s nothing to be sorry for. You’re home now, everything is fine.” He wiped the tears on her face with his thumbs. “Take some long, deep breaths. Can you do that for me? Like this.”
She studied his face and inhaled and exhaled along with him, over and over, until she could speak. She even smiled a little. “Sometimes, for instance right now, you look like him. Did you know that?”
Matt shook his head. “No, I don’t. Don’t say that.”
“Yes. You really do. I see it in your eyes. And in the way you tip your head to the side when you are worried. But you can stop worrying now. I feel much better.”
“Good. I’m glad. You should go to sleep now, don’t you think?” He should ask her to tell him what happened. He knew that. But he just couldn’t. He wasn’t equipped for this conversation. Once again, he was helpless.
“Yes, I must sleep, but first I would like to speak to Julie.”
Matt clenched his jaw. “You can talk to her tomorrow.”
“I would like to speak to her now. I need to.”
“If that’s what you want.” He leaned down and kissed her forehead. “I’ll see you in the morning. I’m sorry about all of this. This was a mistake.” Matt took her hand in both of his for a moment as he struggled to find the right words to tell her that he loved her, and that he would do anything to trade places with Finn so that she could have the brother she really loved back with her. There was no way to say that, so he just kept her hand in his for a minute more. “Good night, Celeste.”