Instead she ran to him, right into his arms. Never had he been so shaken by love. And he heard words that changed everything.
I missed you.
It was always you. I thought it was somebody else, but it was you. You were the person I felt.
I love you.
I want to jump with you, Matt. For real this time.
The nightmare was over.
Right now, on what was turning out to be the most surprising and wonderful day of his life, Matt and Julie stood by the open door of the plane, the wind raging and the sky calling. She was strapped closely to him, her back pinned to his chest as they readied for their tandem jump. She looked adorable in her jumpsuit, helmet, and goggles, and her energy and excitement were palpable. He couldn’t believe that she wanted to do this with him. And not just the skydive.
It was loud in the cabin, but he put his mouth to her ear. “Are you scared?”
“No!” she yelled above the noise.
He smiled. “Are you scared?”
“Yes! Yes, I’m scared!” Matt could feel her laughing against him.
“I’m here! I’ve got you!”
She nodded hard. She knew.
Matt looked to his left to one of the instructors he’d known back when he jumped with Finn. He got a smile and a thumbs-up, so Matt walked Julie to the edge. He had never been so happy. “Do you feel the rush? You feel it?”
It took her a minute, but she nodded. She had to feel it. The clear day gave them a spectacular and expansive view. There was no denying how high they were or what they were about to do.
The words he used as Finn came out. “You can do this. You’re strong enough, and you’re brave enough. You can do anything.”
She nodded again.
Julie crossed her arms over her chest, just like she’d been taught in today’s training.
Matt put his hand on her forehead and tucked her head back hard against his shoulder. “Here we go, tough girl.” He grabbed the metal bar above and rocked them back and forth. One, two, three times.
And then they jumped.
The fall was smooth. It must be happening in slow motion, Matt thought. It was quiet, the ripping noise of the air nearly inaudible.
Matt could feel Finn so profoundly in this freefall. The grief was still sharp, yes, but he was equally affected by how much he just damn adored Finn and how unbelievably lucky he was to have had the brother he did. Not everyone gets that. Matt had Finn’s love and playfulness and devotion when he was alive, and now, even after his brother’s death, Matt still had those in his heart. That was something pretty damn beautiful.
With Flat Finn folded and secured in the pack on his back, Matt knew that this freefall was for Finn, for Julie, for Celeste, for his parents, and for himself. He floated with Julie, just the two of them in the infinite sky, as together they healed in the aftermath of devastation.
He didn’t want it to end, but he was ready for the landing this time. “Hold on. I’m pulling the chute.”
“Woo hoo!” Her thrill rang loud in his head and his soul. Julie loved this. And she loved him.
He yanked the cord, jettisoning them up briefly as the chute opened, then slowing their descent so that they drifted.
The view was gorgeous, and the landscape in Western Massachusetts came into focus as they floated over acres of green foliage and grassy fields. There was so much out there, and Matt had been lost in his cloistered life for far too long. No more. It was time to reconnect, to explore, and to dream again. With Julie. Maybe they would travel this year? There were places to visit, new people to meet, experiences to savor. There was life to be lived.
“We’re about to land, so get ready to run,” Matt told her.
When the ground was just beneath them, they both started running in the air until their feet hit the grass. As they ran, the force of the landing threw Matt harder than he was expecting, and they fell forward. He caught himself on his arms just before his weight crushed Julie.
“You okay?” he asked.
“Hell, yes, I’m okay!” She was breathing hard, the exhilaration coursing through her system in the same way that it was for Matt.
He reached between them and undid the buckles that kept them together. He held himself above her, frozen, because this was the hard part. She wasn’t strapped to him any longer. She could go.
Julie rolled onto her back under him and lifted off both of their helmets and goggles while she caught her breath.
“Matty.” She smiled. “Hi.”
“Hi.”
“That was fun. Like, really, really fun.”
“Good.” Matt tried, but he wasn’t able to smile with her.
She grew serious. “What is it?”
He couldn’t answer.
She touched his cheek, studying him and reading him in the way that only Julie did. “Are you scared?”
“No.”
She asked again. “Are you scared?”
“Yes.”
“That I’ll leave? That I’ll get up and walk away?” She was sending his own words back to him, bringing their online life further into reality.
“Yes.”
“I won’t do that. I won’t leave.” Julie reached her arms around his neck. “Close your eyes, Matthew, and listen while I tell you how I feel about you.”
He did what she asked.
“You are my everything,” Julie said. “You are challenging, and difficult, and guarded. I love those things about you. You are fascinating, and complex, and brilliant, and funny. I love those things about you, too. I am in love with your selflessness and your ability to sacrifice too much. I am in love with the parts of you that fear and that hurt and that push people away. I am love in with your vulnerability and your strength. I am in love with your capacity to love harder and with more loyalty than I ever imagined anyone could. I am in love with the choices you’ve made, even the mistakes, because they brought us to where we are right now. More than those things, I am very simply in love with you and everything that you are. Your past, your present, and your future.” She touched her fingers to him, tracing his lips and then moving across his jaw and over his cheek. “I think about you all the time, and I can’t get you out of my head. I am listening to my heart, finally, without doubting anything. And I will never stop.” And then she kissed him. Long and hard and endlessly, only eventually slowing. “Now open your eyes and look at me. I feel everything that you feel, Matt. I always have, and I know that now. And it is time to stop hurting.”
Matt dropped his head and rested his cheek on hers, not caring that Julie felt the tears now pressed between them.
I did it, Finn. I did it. I was ready to jump, and now she’s jumping with me.
Keep Going
Flat-Out Love, Bonus Chapter 33, Julie’s Point of View
Matt Watkins I will never compromise on my poorly-thought-out, internally-inconsistent, quasi-irrational principles. That's just how I roll.
Julie Seagle You are my favorite status reader in the whole wide world. Yes, you.
Celeste Watkins has no contractual obligation to use contractions. So maybe she will use them, and maybe she will not… So maybe she’ll use them, and maybe she won’t.
Julie leaned her head against the window and looked at Matt as he drove. He was clearly trying as hard as she was to keep from smiling. The effort was particularly adorable on his part, considering that he was not prone to walking around grinning at the slightest thing. It was wonderful to see him happy. Not that she didn’t love his serious side. While Julie could be reduced to silliness at the mere mention of, for instance, any one of the Kardashians, Matt was more controlled. Controlled, disciplined, focused.