“No.”
“Show me the way, woman!” He towered over her, threatening.
But again she Read an entreaty from deep within him-no words this time, just a dim plea yearning toward her.
“Zanos, I cannot help you if you leave,” she pleaded in turn.
“I don’t need your help,” he repeated.
“You do. You have lost your musical talent,” she improvised hastily. “Vortius will be disappointed. I can show you how to play as well as you ever did.”
He stared at the discarded flute. “… as well as ever?” he finally asked.
“Yes, Zanos!” Astra leaped at the opportunity. “Come-lie down. I will show you how to get your talent back.”
“Lie down?” he asked suspiciously.
“You know how to go into healing sleep. You must do so… and let me guide you to regain your talent.”
She had none of the herbs used to put patients safely to sleep; if he would not willingly seek the healing trance, she could not reach his mind.
At that moment she longed for the Adept power to make him sleep… but her mind felt the weak but free Zanos within the drug-bound man exert every strength to prompt, “Heal… must be healed.”
As if already in trance, he stretched out on the blanket beside the fire. Almost instantly he was in the dreamless sleep of healing-but no fever came to purge the drug from his blood. She would have to guide him to that.
To calm herself, Astra cleaned Zanos’ flute and put it away, then settled herself carefully beside her husband. She would be leaving her body, not to observe a distant place or to seek a plane of privacy, but to enter the dangerous passageways of his drug-influenced mind. She swallowed hard, fighting down fear. She had practiced this technique at Gaeta, as all Readers did-but she was not a healer, nor had she colleagues here to draw her out should she become lost in Zanos’ fantasies.
Long-practiced breathing exercises calmed her body, and she let her “self’ drift forth. As always, her Reading became clearer than ever, unhampered by physical influences. She Read for Zanos-and found the part of his mind that refused the influence of the white lotus trapped, frustrated, within a body it no longer controlled.
“Astra!” She felt his shock as her presence touched his. Not a Reader, he had never experienced such a mental touch before.
“Yes, Zanos. I am here.”
“How can I hear you… Read you?”
She told him, 111 am projecting to you. Now, I want you to leave your body, escape the influence of the white lotus.”
“Leave-?”
“Don’t fear-I will guide you.”
She caught his natural reliance on his physical power vying with the loss of control since Vortius had drugged him. “No-your body won’t obey you,” she prompted. Ill will show you how to regain control.”
Ill know how!” he replied in frustration. “But my own strength betrays me. He betrays me!”
“He?” Astra curbed her fear-the uniting of a fragmented mind was a task for the most skilled of Healers.
“Yes-he! Zanos the slave! Zanos the coward! He is the one in control begging Vortius to enslave him further.”
Suddenly Astra was engulfed in Zanos’ memories. It was his day of triumph! The crowd roared as he skewered his third challenger and turned to receive their approbation, strutting before them, arms upraised, upon the sand stained with the blood of his opponents.
His heart sang. His master would win much gold on this match-and one-twelfth of it would go, as always, toward earning Zanos’ freedom Ever closer the day grew-and now there would be more such bouts, with higher stakes-
A year-a year and a half at the most-and Zanos would have his freedom!
The cheering went on and on: “Za-nos! Za-nos! Za-nos!”
He circled the arena, basking in the approval of the crowd, long since inured to the knowledge that they would have cheered equally for his opponent had he been the victor, and Zanos a corpse to be dragged out of sight of the fastidious.
“Za-nos! Za-nos! Za-nos!”
He waved his arms, and the cheering increased as if he directed an orchestra. He reached the Emperor’s box, stopped, saluted-the crowd went wild.
And suddenly fell silent as the Emperor rose. “Where is this man’s master?” he called, and Lakus ran out into the arena to renewed cheering.
The Emperor raised his arms, and the people quieted once more. “Lakus, you have trained Zanos well-but he has gone far beyond mere training this day. I reward both of you for an outstanding display of gladiatorial skill. Lakus”-he tossed a small but heavy sack that clinked when Lakus caught it-“I reward you with three times Zanos’ value. May you find another and train him just as well.”
Then he fixed his stare on Zanos. “By Imperial decree, I declare you, Zanos, a free citizen of the Aventine Empire!”
The crowd went wild again… but Zanos felt his knees grow weak. It was all he had ever worked for, since Serafon had persuaded him his childish escape schemes were unworkable. He had his dream at last-and so unexpectedly!
His stomach hurt and his head swam as the people cheered the Emperor’s generosity. Zanos knelt, bowing his head in a proper gesture of gratitude-but inside, he feared he might faint.
Zanos remained in that position as the Emperor and his retinue departed, and the crowd began to disperse. Then he climbed to his feet, wondering what had happened to the joy he was supposed to feel… and Lakus came over to him. “Congratulations, Zanos-and may the gods grant you good fortune.
Be sure to put those arms away before you leave.”
Leave? To go where?
His former master walked away, leaving Zanos in the rapidly emptying arena… a free man, but a man with nothing. Not even the armor he wore was his. He did not have a bed to sleep in tonight-nor a coin to buy supper.
This was the freedom he had longed for? To belong to no one? To have no one responsible for him?
Fear tore at his vitals as he faced the bitter truth: he was terrified of being free!
Astra could feel how sharply, even today, Zanos felt what he perceived as his cowardice that day in the arena. But it had not conquered him. “What did you do then, Zanos?”
“Oh-some young gamblers who had won heavily on me came to the arms room, and invited me to dinner. Before I went to them, I talked to Serafon- she arranged a room for me that night, and tried to make me see how happy I ought to be. The next day I went to my old master. By that time he was over his annoyance at the way the Emperor had taken his best man away prematurely, and was happy to hire me as a freedman. You know the rest.”
“Yes, I know the rest. Why do you castigate yourself years later for that one moment of shock? Zanos, everyone feels that way if his life suddenly, unexpectedly changes.”
“You don’t understand,” he protested. Ill felt fear of freedom-the same fear that holds me to Vortius now. Astra, a part of me yearns back to my days as a favored slave. After all, what did I have to do with my life except participate in the games, which I loved, keep my body in shape, and worry about nothing except the possibility that my Adept powers might be discovered? You have never been a slave, Astra.
With a kind master, it can be a very… comfortable life.”
“But not for you. Zanos, I know you-”
“I thought I knew myself! But once that drug was in my blood… I saw my true nature. You will see it, Astra, unless you let me out of here before the latest dose wears off. I-this part of me that feels shame-I become weaker every day. Astra, I am not worth the danger you are in.”
“We are in the middle of the savage lands, Zanos. Where shall I go without you?”
Ill don’t know. I only know that I cannot help you.”
“Yes, you can. You have already recognized that it is a part of you that Vortius has trapped. Your mind is still whole. Come-let me show you how to leave your body. Then you will see everything clearly.”