The clowns acted as if they were watching porn, calling out in ecstasy “Oh fuck YES!” when a cop stepped in front of a semi on a busy freeway and disappeared, leaving only the faintest red mist behind. One poor sonofabitch got sucked through a jumbo jet engine. People jumped out of a burning high rise in India and bounced when they hit the concrete. A mob in Africa literally tore a man apart with long knives and their bare hands.
They hit a stretch of animal attacks. Some misguided dipshit in Taiwan climbed over a zoo fence and tried to bless a couple of lions. He’d nearly completed the sign of the cross when one of the lions casually flicked a paw out and sent the guy spinning to the ground, probably wondering why his God had abandoned him. Another Asian guy, Frank couldn’t tell what country it was, let his concentration falter for just a second, and the nine-foot alligator clamped down on his arm and just rolled and rolled and rolled, twisting that arm like a wet towel until it finally came off, right above the elbow. Frank wasn’t the only one that flinched.
One genius tried to brand a horse. The horse gave a kind of squeezing flex, then, the next instant, the guy was gone as if he’d never been born. The website showed it again in slow motion. The horse kicked the dumb sonofabitch square in the chest and he flew backwards out of the frame, branding iron spinning in midair. Even Frank got to laughing at that one. But he had to fight not to tremble. Sturm had the temperature down in the sixties, and to Frank, who had stepped out of the 107-degree heat, it felt like he’d just parachuted into the Antarctic in his underwear.
The cool air just made the clowns scratch a lot.
Frank wished he had his flask.
It was already three o’clock.
After the videos, Theo clicked through the collection of still images, mostly black and white crime scene photos. Shotgun suicides. Scissor stabbings. Mob hits. Then black screens with white words; jokes like “What’s the difference between a truckload of bowling balls and a truckload of dead babies?” The next image was an infant girl in a white hospital shirt and nothing else impaled on a wrought iron fence with the text underneath. “You can unload one with a pitchfork.”
One photo showed a giant dead crocodile, wetly gutted at the edge of a pier. It was night, coldly lit from the flash bulb. A slimy, blue, human leg spilled out of the gaping stomach.
At the very end, there was the picture. And there they were, in the middle of the street with the tiger. It had been framed so you could see the park off to the left, bank and post office off to the right. It looked like these six men had chased a tiger out a safari photo in some particularly corrupt country and shot it dead inside a Norman Rockwell painting.
* * * * *
“Holy fucking shit!” Chuck screamed. “That’s fucking awesome!” Pine blurted at the same time. Sturm ginned back at them.
Frank wondered how many people had seen this photo. He resolved to shave off his long hair the first chance he got. In the bottom left corner was a web address, black against the mottled pavement. It was too small to read, so Frank pointed at it.
Sturm nodded. “Wondered who’d find it first.”
Theo rolled the cursor over to the number and clicked on it. This opened up several other windows. He went through them, tapping out passwords. The last window had a ten-digit number, nothing else. It was a phone number. “Somebody call that number,” Sturm said.
Pine was the only one with a cell phone. He dialed. The phone on Sturm’s desk rang. He picked it up and said, “Hell of a picture, ain’t it?”
“It sure as hell is,” Pine said.
“Shit, you’d think that was taken right here in America. Must be one of them faked photos you see on the net you see from time to time. Can’t be true. But hell,” Sturm loaded his bottom lip with tobacco. “Wouldn’t that be something. To stalk and kill an animal that exotic, that magnificent, on the streets and backyards of Small Town, USA.”
“It sure as hell would.”
“Chance to be thirteen years old again. Yessir. Can you imagine something like that, hunting and fucking just like you could when you were that age? But for real this time. Goddamn. This ain’t no pussy canned hunt. No sir. This ain’t for goddamn pansies who can’t handle stalking and killing an animal. And it sure as shit ain’t for those cocksuckers that don’t have a problem shooting an animal tied to a stake. They try that around here, I’m liable to tie them to a fucking stake and start shooting. No sir. This is the real goddamn deal, hunting a genuine jungle predator. Hell I believe I’d pay just about anything for a shot at something like that. I tell you a figure I wouldn’t blink at, I wouldn’t think anything of paying ten grand for something like this. If the opportunity presented itself. Not for something that much fun.”
Pine swallowed. “No. I wouldn’t blink at all at a figure like that.”
Sturm said, “Then I would suggest arranging for a trip say, around late August, somewhere around August 21st.” Sturm hung up.
He leaned forward. “This photo has been sent to a very exclusive group of gentlemen. Men who do not blink at spending ten thousand dollars or more to hunt anything they want.” Sturm rapped the desk. “That ten grand? That’s just to get here. The gentlemen are then free to gamble among themselves.” Sturm opened his large palms. “And naturally, in a situation such as this, it’s only reasonable that the house deserves thirty percent of every transaction.”
Everybody tried to quickly calculate the amount. Frank said, “We got six lionesses left. That cheetah.” The amount got bigger.
“The monkeys,” Chuck suggested.
“The dogs,” Jack said.
“The rhino,” Theo said.
Sturm nodded. “We got ourselves a chance to make some real money. But it ain’t gonna just fall out of the sky. We have some work to do. First up. Walkie-talkies. I ain’t got time to driving over half creation to find you.” Theo handed the walktie-talkies out. Everyone got one, except for Frank. Sturm explained, “You stay at the vet’s, so I know where to find you if I need you. The rest of you, you keep these charged and close. I expect you to answer quick if I call. Jack, you and Chuck head down to Redding. We’re gonna need three, four big tents. I mean big. Big as you can get. And as much goddamn liquor as you can carry. You come talk to me soon as you get back.
“Pine, you go get as much ammo as possible. You need to leave immediately, so you can head back and unload at least a couple of times before our guests arrive. Hit Redding, then head over to Reno. Stop at every gun store, bait shop, and especially goddamn Wal-Mart you pass. Go down I-5 and clean that valley out. We need every .12 gauge and rifle shell they got.”
“You bet.”
“And you, Frank.” Sturm rolled his fingers across the top of the desk in a staccato burst. “Without them animals, this whole enterprise is nothing but a bunch of hicks with their thumb up their ass, trying to peddle a few silhouette targets. The Roman army had a special rank for getting their on exotic animals for the Colosseum games. Called ’em venator immunis. That’s you. So you’re gonna be my right hand man in this. Them cats, they’re an investment. A serious investment. We put their health first. ’Til the hunt, of course. But we will deliver what we promise. A chance to hunt one of the world’s biggest and lethal predators through the streets of a small town. I want them cats healthy as if God himself blessed them with his grace. And you’re gonna do that for me. For us.” Sturm stood up. “Gentlemen. We have thirteen days to whip this town into shape. There’s a whole shitload of work to do, so I suggest we all get to it.”