"It appears I can't say the right thing to appease you." He started to tell her what he thought about her remark, then decided against it. He knew if he continued on, he would become furious all over again. Indiscretion? He still couldn't believe she'd used that word to describe what had happened tonight. It was going to take him a good week to get over it.
His silence indicated to her that he was ready to listen to reason. "I'm new at this. You could be a little more patient with me. It wouldn't kill you, so quit breathing like that. I've never been intimate before. I can't help but feel vulnerable."
She was certain her explanation would gain his sympathy and his understanding. She was wrong with both expectations.
"It's ridiculous for you to feel the least bit vulnerable. It's also damned insulting to me, woman."
She was beginning to lose her patience. He was taking exception to every word she said. He really was as temperamental as his horse. She considered telling him so, then changed her mind. The comparison would probably set his temper off again.
"You didn't use to be this moody."
"I didn't used to be in love with you."
She drummed her fingers against his chest. "Cole always becomes moody when he feels guilty about something."
"I don't feel guilty about a damned thing. Do you feel guilty?"
He grabbed hold of her hand and started squeezing. He was telling her without words her answer better be the one he wanted to hear.
"No, I don't feel guilty. Happy now?"
He didn't answer her. He relaxed his hold on her hand, though, and so she assumed she'd given him the right response.
"I believe we should end this discussion. If we continue, we'll get into a full-blown argument. Then you'll have to apologize to me. Do you really want to waste all that time begging my forgiveness when we could be doing much more enjoyable things?"
He smiled in spite of his irritation. "What makes you think I'll apologize?"
"Because I can wait longer than you can. You'll give in before I will."
"In other words, you hold a grudge. Your brothers mentioned that flaw to me."
"Sometimes I do."
He started to laugh. "Mary Rose, you make me want to shake you and kiss you at the same time. Honest to God, you're going to drive me out of my mind one of these days."
She started stroking his chest again. She loved the feel of his hair curling around her fingers. She wished he'd kiss her again. Just thinking about it made her restless. She let out a little sigh and draped her thigh across him.
He let out a grunt. She realized where her thigh was then, but the heat radiating from his groin felt too good against her skin for her to move away.
If he hadn't liked it, he would have pushed her away. He didn't though. He put his hand on her knee and began to caress her.
" Harrison?"
"Yes?"
"Was tonight as nice as your dream was?"
"It was much, much better. My dreams weren't ever nice. They made me hot. Tonight, you made me burn. Understand?"
"You were satisfied?"
He could hear the amusement in her voice and knew she was up to something. He smiled in anticipation. God only knew what she was going to say.
"Yes, I was satisfied."
"Now you sound appreciative, grateful. Are you?"
Her fingertips were making circles around his nipple. It was driving him to distraction.
"Yes," he answered gruffly.
"I guess I made you happy."
"Yes. You made me very happy."
She smiled against his chest. He was mildly surprised she needed this much assurance. The way he had responded to her while they were making love should have told her how good she'd been. Maybe she really was feeling vulnerable because it had been a new experience for her.
Lord, was she beginning to make sense?
"And you can't thank me enough."
Her whispered words finally registered in his mind. She was tossing his words back at him. Harrison laughed again. "I guess you didn't much like hearing that part of my dream, did you, sweetheart?"
She was too content to answer him. A sudden thought turned her attention. "What did you mean when you said I only cried for a second the first time? Did I cry again?"
"Yes. It lasted longer."
"When?"
"When you came apart."
The memory made her blush. She really had come apart during her climax. She didn't remember crying though. Finding fulfillment had required her full attention.
"Now will you listen to what I have to say?"
"If you're going to tell me I'll hate you, then no, I won't listen."
"I want to talk about our future."
"All right."
"The next six months are going to be difficult for you."
"Do you plan to be difficult?"
"No, that isn't what I meant."
"I love you, Harrison."
"I love you too. I have to go back to England, sweetheart. I want you to join me there."
"You do?"
"Yes."
"Why do you have to go back?"
"I have to finish something I started."
"Will you want to stay there for a long time?"
"That depends on you."
She didn't understand. "Do you still long for the Highlands?"
"I long to be with you. Where I live isn't important."
"It used to be important."
He smiled. She was right about that. Returning to the Highlands had been an obsession. His plans had all changed, of course, because of Mary Rose. He could be happy anywhere in the world as long as he had her by his side.
"When do you want to leave?"
"I had thought to leave the day after tomorrow. I want you to come to me as soon as possible."
He had just overwhelmed her with all the changes he wanted to make. How could she possibly leave her brothers? England was an ocean away. Oh, God, why did it have to be so far?
Would they live in the city? How could she live like that? She wouldn't be able to breathe. The crowds would drive her wild. Would she look out her window and see pavement and buildings? How could she leave her paradise?
And how could she ever let Harrison leave her behind? Life without him would be unbearable.
Her mind reeled with questions.
"I know you need time to think about it, sweetheart."
"Yes," she answered. "I wish… Harrison, would you ever consider living here?"
"If it were possible."
"Is it?"
"I don't know yet," he replied.
"What if I couldn't join you?"
"I would come back to get you."
"I don't want to think about the future now. Tomorrow we'll worry about plans and decisions. Please kiss me again. I want you to make love to me now."
She lifted up on her elbows and stared down into his eyes.
"I want to feel you inside me again," she whispered.
"We can't," he whispered. "It's too soon, sweetheart. It would hurt."
She leaned down and kissed him. She didn't care if it hurt or not. She needed him.
"Please," she whispered. Her lips brushed over his again. "One kiss, my love. Let me kiss you once and if you want me to stop then, I promise you I will."
"I love the way you throw my words back at me," he said. He wrapped his arms around her and lifted her up until she was stretched out on top of him.
"Are you planning to keep on kissing me until you've got me inside you?"
"Oh, yes."
They were the last coherent words either one of them could speak for a long, long time.
They fell asleep wrapped in a tangle of arms and legs. And love.
April 5, 1868
Dear Mama Rose,
Adam got in a fight yesterday. It was all my fault, because the Indians like my pretty hair. I am putting some of it in the envelope so you can see how pretty it is. But it's yellow, Mama, and the Indians liked it so much they tried to take it all off my head. Then one of them says to take me with my hair and that's when Adam got mad. Cole and Douglas were gone, and by the time Travis came out of the barn, Adam had punched them good and hard. Your son got a bloody nose, but the Indians he got mad at were all sleeping in our garden by the time he got done with them.