Phineas smirked at Vanda. "You know, you really shouldn't wear those catsuits. The camera adds ten pounds."
She gave him an annoyed look. "You guys talked me into being a sitting duck, but I didn't agree to be a trained monkey."
"Dammit, woman," Phineas snarled. "Everyone knows you're crazy. Start acting like it!"
Vanda shrugged. "Sticks and stones."
Phineas glowered at Phil. "What kind of anger management sponsor are you?"
"A successful one, apparently."
"Shit," Phineas muttered. He glanced at the Japanese vampire tourists and his eyes lit up. He reached under the table, then heaved it at the Japanese Vamps.
The table crashed on top of the tourists, sloshing them with spilled Blissky and beer. They jumped up, hollering in shock and outrage.
Phineas leaped to his feet, giving Vanda an appalled look. "Vanda! Why'd you do it?"
"What?" She stood.
Phineas slapped a hand against his brow. "You can't attack these people just because you hate Naruto!"
"Who?" Vanda asked.
"She hate Naruto?" The tourist named Kyo glared at Vanda, his face turning red.
"You ruined my shirt!" A second tourist wiped at the Blissky stains on his red silk shirt. He glowered at Vanda. "You evil woman."
"Hey, she did you a favor," Phineas yelled. "That shirt belongs on a woman."
The tourist gasped.
"She has insulted your honor, Yoshi," Kyo declared. "And she insults Naruto's honor."
"Hai!" All three Japanese vampires assumed attack poses.
"What the hell?" Vanda jumped back and quickly untied the whip from around her waist.
Phil glanced at Corky's cameraman. He was still recording. They would have to fight.
The Japanese charged with an impressive series of kicks and spins. Yoshi kicked at Vanda, but she managed to dodge it. She snapped her whip at him, and he backed up.
Kyo came after Phil, but he'd had enough martial arts training to block all the kicks and punches. He quickly discovered that a kick aimed at Kyo's expensive digital camera would always make the tourist jump back.
Still, he knew they needed to put on a show for Corky. Phil slung a chair at Kyo, purposely missing him and shattering the chair on top of a table. Customers screamed and ran from the building. Others stayed and laid bets.
Finally, the cameraman vanished. Phil assumed he had a deadline to keep in order to get the video on Corky's show. Live with the Undead was due to start in fifteen minutes.
"All right!" Phil shouted. "The show's over."
Phineas and Vanda stopped fighting. The Japanese Vamps stood there, panting, with confused looks on their faces.
"Congratulations!" Phineas grinned at them. "You guys just got punked. You'll be on a TV show."
"What?" Kyo glanced at the television. The Nightly News was still on. "We American movie stars now?"
"Television stars," Phineas corrected him. "You're going to be famous. And dudes, we love Naruto."
"Who's Naruto?" Vanda whispered.
"Let me buy you some drinks," Phil offered.
Ten minutes later Phil, Vanda, and Phineas were sharing a table with their new friends: Kyo, Yoshi, and Yuki. Robby, Zoltan, and Dougal came over to introduce themselves and congratulate them on their fine martial arts skills. Colbert and his men introduced themselves and gave the tourists more compliments on their fighting. Colbert paid the club manager for the damages, then bought everyone a round of Blisskys.
When Corky Courrant's show came on, the bartender turned up the volume. The jazz band and all the customers settled down to watch the show, Live with the Undead.
"Greeting, dear viewers." Corky smiled grimly at the camera. "Tonight we have shocking news. As you know, last night we showed you the utter destruction of Vanda Barkowski's notorious nightclub here in New York City."
Half the screen displayed the burned and charred remains of Vanda's club.
Phil patted her leg in sympathy underneath the table.
"It's no secret that I was celebrating last night while Vanda's club was burning," Corky continued. "But I must confess that I had nothing to do with it. It was simply a matter of divine justice. Now, we had thought Vanda had died a horrible death in the explosion. Indeed, everyone hoped and prayed that she was dead, but tonight, in late-breaking news, we can confirm that Vanda Barkowski is still alive!"
A picture of Vanda flashed on the screen.
"Ah, Vanda." The Japanese bowed to her. "You are famous celebrity."
She groaned and shook her head.
"You see, dear friends," Corky continued, "I have exclusive footage that proves Vanda is still alive. And not only is she still breathing, but she's engaging once again in disgusting and violent behavior! Just moments ago my operative filmed this scene at the Vampire Blues club in New Orleans. Vanda was there, so drunk and disorderly that she attacked three unsuspecting tourists from Japan!"
The video played. The Japanese cheered.
"We're famous!" Yuki shouted.
"Brisskys for everyone!" Kyo yelled.
Phil stood. "Guys, I hate to break up the party, but we need you to leave. We're expecting trouble any minute now."
"Trouble?" Kyo asked. "What kind of trouble?"
Yuki lifted his chin. "We do not run from trouble."
"Dudes, the Malcontents are coming," Phineas explained. "They want to kill Vanda."
Kyo jumped to his feet. "No one kills Vanda."
"We will fight!" Yoshi punched the air with his fist.
"They'll have swords," Phil warned their new friends.
"We not afraid," Yuki declared. "We fight."
Colbert and the other Vamps gathered around the table, their swords drawn and ready. The remaining customers ran from the building.
Two hours later they were still waiting.
Vanda sighed. "I was scared to death a few hours ago, and now I just want to get it over with."
"What's taking them so long?" Phineas asked.
Phil shook his head. "I don't know. Maybe they smelled a trap."
"Or they were busy doing something else." Robby called Angus, then reported that no bombings had occurred. The Malcontents appeared to be taking the night off.
"They're up to something," Zoltan muttered.
But three hours later it looked like they weren't.
Phil had started drinking coffee to try to stay alert.
"Maybe they missed Corky's show," Phineas suggested.
"Some Malcontent somewhere must have seen it," Robby said. "Perhaps it's a problem of getting the news to Casimir. He may be hiding so well, some of his own people doona know where he is."
"That could be it," Colbert agreed. "I say we come back here tomorrow night. Casimir could still come, looking for Vanda."
The Japanese stood and bowed. "Then we will come back tomorrow to fight."
They headed for the door, but Phil stopped them on the way. "Are you serious about helping Vanda?"
"Of course," Kyo said. "She famous American celebrity."
Phil whipped out his cell phone and added Kyo's cell phone number to his directory. "Thank you. If I ever need your help, I'll call."
"It would be an honor." Kyo bowed and left with his friends.
Vanda sat on her assigned cot in the upstairs section of the coffee warehouse where the New Orleans coven lived. She unwound her whip and set it on the cot while Scarlett and Tootsie perched on a neighboring cot, entertaining her with stories of their crazy antics.
She glanced across the dormitory at Phil, who lay sleeping on his cot. The poor guy was so exhausted, he was sleeping with all the noisy Vamps chattering around him.
But not all the Vamps were talking. Vanda had spotted a few private rooms behind the kitchen. Colbert and Giselle had retired to their own room. Vanda had been tempted to ask for a private room for her and Phil, but there were too many MacKay S & I employees here. She couldn't let them know she was indulging in a forbidden affair with her assigned guard.