He had been that boy once. But even questions had a way of going away, eventually, when no answers were possible. He thought of the gift he would bring to the Lord of Hate, and knew it to be paltry, useless enough to be an insult. But he had nothing else to give.
Raskan believed that Olar Ethil was Arathan’s mother, but he knew that she was not. He had no reason for his certainty; still he did not question it. If anything, the witch reminded him of Malice, when she was younger and fatter — in the days when the girl first walked and was in the habit of wandering everywhere, smiling and singing since she did not yet know the meaning of the name she had been given. Something in their faces, young and old, seemed to be the same.
Bootsteps sounded and he tilted his head to find his father standing over him. After a moment Draconus sank into a crouch. He was holding in his hands a clay figurine, a thing that seemed to cry out sex, in an excess of sensuality that struck Arathan as grotesque. One of the witch’s gifts.
‘For you,’ Draconus said.
Arathan wanted to refuse it. Instead he sat up and took it from his father’s hands.
‘It will be light soon,’ Draconus went on. ‘Today I send back Rint, Feren and Raskan.’
‘Back?’
‘You and I shall ride on, Arathan.’
‘We leave them behind?’
‘They are no longer needed.’
And somewhere ahead, you will leave me behind, too. No longer needed. ‘Father,’ he said, hands clutching the figurine, ‘don’t hurt her.’
‘Hurt who?’
‘Feren,’ he whispered. And the child she carries. My child.
He could see his father’s frown, and how it slowly twisted into a scowl. It was, he realized, never too dark to see such things. ‘Don’t be foolish, Arathan.’
‘Just leave them alone, please.’
‘I would do no other,’ Draconus said in a growl. He quickly straightened. ‘Go back to sleep if you can,’ he said. ‘We have far to ride today.’
Arathan settled back on to the hard ground once more. He held the figurine like a baby against his chest. He had stood up to his father. He had made a demand even if it had sounded like a plea. A true son knew to draw lines in the sand and claim what he would for himself, for his own life and all that he deemed important in it. This was what growing up meant. Places to claim, things owned and things defended. It was a time of jostling, because the space was never big enough for the both of them, for both father and son. There was pushing and there was pulling, and comfort went away if it had ever existed; but maybe someday it would come back. If the father permitted it. If the son wanted it. If neither feared the other.
Arathan wondered if he would ever stop fearing his father, and then he wondered, as he studied the swirl of stars fading in the paling sky overhead, if there would come a time when his father began fearing him.
He thought he heard the witch whisper in his mind.
For the fire, boy. When your love is too much. Too much to bear.
For the fire.
The smooth curves of the figurine felt warm in his hands, as if promising heat.
When he closed his eyes the nightmare returned, and this time he saw a woman at the bottom of the pool, reaching into her belly and dragging free babies, one after another. She bit through the ropes and sent the babies away with a push. They thrashed until they drowned.
Along the edge of the pool now, women had gathered, reaching down to collect the limp, lifeless forms. He watched them stuff those bodies inside their bellies. And then they walked away.
But one woman remained, and the water before her was clear — no corpses in sight. She stared down into it, and he heard her singing in a soft voice. He could not understand the words, only the heartbreak in them. When she turned away and walked, he knew it was to the sea. She was going away and she was never returning to this place, and so she did not see the last boy rise up, still thrashing, fighting shards of ice, reaching for a hand that was not there.
And upon a stone, overlooking all this, sat his father. Cutting ropes. Into, Arathan surmised, manageable lengths.
Raskan woke late in the morning, the sun’s light lancing into his brain like jagged spears. Cursing his own fragility, he slowly sat up.
The two Borderswords were sprawled out in the shade of the trees. Behind them stood the horses, still tethered, but some, he realized, were missing. He wondered why, but a terrible thirst rose from within and he looked round, with sudden desperation, for a waterskin. Someone had left one within reach and he dragged it close.
As he drank, perhaps too greedily, Rint sat up and looked across at him. ‘There’s still some breakfast,’ the Bordersword said.
Raskan lowered the waterskin. ‘Where have they gone?’ he asked.
Rint shrugged.
I have shamed my lord. ‘Where have they gone?’ he demanded, pushing himself to his feet. The pain in his head redoubled and he gasped, feeling his guts churn. ‘What was I drinking last night?’
‘Mead,’ Rint replied. ‘Three flasks.’
Feren had climbed to her feet, brushing grasses and dried leaves from her clothes. ‘We’re to go back, sergeant. They went on without us. It was the Lord’s command.’
After a long moment, Raskan realized that he was staring — stupidly — at the woman. He could see the beginning of a swell on her, but that was impossible. Perhaps, he told himself, she’d always carried some extra weight. He tried to recall, but then gave up on the effort.
‘Something changed,’ Rint said to him. ‘We do not know what it was. He discharged us and orders you to return to House Dracons. That is all we know, sergeant. For most of the journey back, it seems reasonable that we should travel together, and so we waited.’
Raskan looked away, but then he nodded. I failed him. Somehow — no, do not lie to yourself, Raskan. It was that witch’s curse. It was how you broke, fled like a coward. Draconus will throw you away, just as he did Sagander. He thought then of Arathan, now riding at his father’s side, and shot another glance at Feren.
But she was carrying her saddle to her horse.
The boy commanded me. I remember that much at least. He showed his father’s iron, and yet, in his words to me, he was generous. Arathan, fare you well. I do not think I will see you again.
‘Clouds to the south,’ Rint said. ‘I smell the approach of rain.’ He turned to Raskan. ‘Get some food in your stomach, sergeant. If we are lucky we can ride free of the rain, and, if Mother Dark wills it, we shall meet Ville and Galak.’
Feren snorted. ‘Dear brother,’ she said, ‘she may well be a goddess now, but Mother Dark sets no eyes upon us, not here. We are not in Kurald Galain and even if we were, do you truly believe she is omniscient?’
‘Wherever there is night,’ he said, glowering.
‘If you say so,’ she replied as she led her horse out from under the trees. ‘I’ll wait for you at the spring.’
Raskan winced, and saw that Rint was now staring at his sister with an expression of dread.
‘If I see that witch,’ Feren said to her brother, one hand reaching up to the stitched gash on her cheek, ‘I’ll be sure to say hello.’ Swinging into the saddle, she loosened the sword in the scabbard belted at her side, and then set out, back towards the village.
Rint hurried over to his own saddle. ‘Wake up, sergeant — I’m not leaving her alone down there with that witch.’
‘Go, then,’ said Raskan. ‘Do not wait for me. I will find you on the other side of the village.’
‘As you will,’ he replied. ‘But she’s right in one thing — you’ll need to water your horse first.’
‘I know.’
Feren didn’t know if it was possible to kill an Azathanai, but she meant to try. She hoped the witch was wandering, as she had been the night before, since Feren had no desire to begin kicking down doors in this wretched village. She’d had enough of feeling used. The Azathanai did not understand propriety — even Grizzin Farl had pushed into her world of secrets, and if he laughed to soften the insult, an insult it remained.