“We heard about what happened in Damanhur. Better we get to you before you get to us.”
That made no sense. Even if the truth was that we razed Damanhur to the ground, why would he want to provoke us into doing something similar in Kafr. Scared and threatened, the people had forgotten to think.
I grit my teeth, trying to bite back the words pronouncing his foolishness. I didn’t think that sharing my thoughts right then would help matters much.
“What exactly did you hear?”
“That your men were all over the place, raping and pillaging with your first taste of freedom. Reports say Damanhur lost seventy men just trying to protect what was theirs on account of your numbers being so much larger.”
“You got it backward. Damanhur attacked us. We lost twelve of our own men defending ourselves. And I promise there was no raping and pillaging.”
“Just like there was no raping and pillaging going on in Genesha?”
That took me back. “What?”
“We’ve all heard the things that went on.”
“I never raped anyone.”
He nodded over my shoulder to those behind me. “What about them? Could you say the same for them?”
I said nothing, knowing that I couldn’t speak for everyone. It was the ugly part of war few talked about. Officers tried to keep that stuff in check, but we couldn’t be everywhere and we couldn’t see everything.
“I thought so. So, you didn’t do any raping. Good for you. I guess that’s saying something.”
“Watch yourself,” I said, voice low as I tried to stay calm.
He ignored me, spinning his scythe. Gaining confidence as he spoke, his voice rose so the others could hear. “How many villages did you burn? How many innocent people who had nothing to do with the war died? People like us. How many families died because of disease and starvation? How many Geneshan children did you press into work gangs?”
I’d always been the sort who could let most things people said against me slide, but the man’s accusations struck me like a fist to the jaw. It wasn’t the man so much as the truth behind his words.
The man’s scythe was in my hand. Its blade pressed against the owner’s throat. I couldn’t say when, but at some point I had reacted, pulling him inches from my face. I stared into his panicked eyes, smelling fresh urine run down his leg.
“Who do you think you are to judge me?” I yelled. “You think I wanted to be a soldier? I lost ten years of my life because of the army. All because they told me I had to join. It was my duty. Turine needed me. And without people like me, we’d all be speaking Geneshan now!” I paused, seething. “I was taken from the only home I ever knew, from my wife and my kids. I did my part to protect not only them, but also ungrateful people like you who didn’t have the guts to fight yourselves. Are there things I did that I’m not proud of? Yes. And I’d do it again, because I know the alternative. I saw what the Geneshans had done to the nations they conquered. I saw piles of children’s’ bones as tall as a man from kids the Geneshans used as sacrifices to Beel. Yes, people died. Yes, people suffered. It’s awful, and it’s as much a part of war as the battlefield. Without what we did, you wouldn’t have any of the freedoms you enjoy now.”
“Hundreds of thousands dead? Thousands more who suffered? I don’t want freedom if that’s the cost of keeping it,” whispered the man’s quivering voice.
“Easy to say that since your freedom was never taken from you,” I hissed. “How dare you make assumptions about me? About these men. How dare you judge us when you never had to experience what we did?” I pressed the blade against the man’s throat until a small drop of blood trickled down his neck. “You weren’t there. You never had to make the hard decisions we had to make, the ones every soldier has to make. You never had to watch the man you laughed with the night before cry for his mother as he died. You never had to watch a man who trusted you, a man under your command, helplessly hold his guts in. You never had to look in that man’s eyes and lie, telling him everything would be all right. And until you do, you have no right to judge any of us.”
“What do you want?” one of the other men from town called.
I looked up trying to find the owner of the voice. Nervous expressions stared back at me. Fear dominated the looks in their eyes where before there was anger. Despite that fear, they still held weapons ready while eyeing the scythe in my hand. They’d pounce on us if I killed their leader.
I swallowed, the spit hanging up as it slid down my throat. I took a breath, lowering my voice. “I only want what we came for. You pay us the price agreed upon for the horses and wagons and allow us to buy supplies at the feed store. Then we’re gone.”
“If we do that, do we have your word, no harm will come to anyone?” said the same voice from earlier. It belonged to a man with a round face and a rounder belly. A line of sweat down the middle of his shirt split his stomach in half like a cut melon.
“You have my word. We did not start the events that happened in Damanhur.”
“We can make that deal. You mind letting him go?” he asked, gesturing to their leader.
I lowered the scythe, but pinned the man’s arm as I spun him around. I had been around too long to let my guard down at a kind voice. “I’d like to, but you’ve given me no reason to trust you. He stays with me until our business is done. You cross us, he dies. And after that you’ll be next. I’ll kill every last one of you myself if anyone tries to stop me from getting home. Am I clear?”
The man hesitated for a moment. My gut tightened.
Finally, he nodded and began giving orders to the other villagers.
* * *
We got out of town as fast as we could. Weapons stayed out until the place was a tiny speck in the distance behind us. I didn’t think those ranchers would be dumb enough to come after us, but then again, I never thought they’d have been dumb enough to try anything to begin with.
We didn’t make camp until well after dusk and when we did, I made sure we were well off the road. I doubled the watch and even set up a few trip lines. If there had been time and enough men, I might’ve even dug a trench with stakes.
The mood in camp wasn’t quite as bad as it was after Damanhur. The knowledge that we were all so close to home helped. It was easier to believe that Kafr was so inhospitable because none of us were from there.
I hoped that was true.
* * *
After dinner, card games broke out. Ira came over with a stick of tobacco and offered me a bite. I hated the stuff usually, but for some reason felt like having a piece. Anything to help take my mind off Kafr.
I took a bite and immediately regretted it. It tasted worse than it smelled, like coffee grounds and boiled leather. Ira told me that meant it was a good brand. I worked the stuff around my mouth until I had it positioned in my cheek. Off my tongue, it became tolerable.
Ira sat beside me. “Doing all right?”
I spat. “About as good as one can expect.”
“I hear you. Crazy stuff back there.”
“Yeah. Hoped we had left all that stupidity behind.”
Ira chuckled. “You know stupidity doesn’t work like that. That stuff spreads like crotch rot. I wouldn’t be surprised if half of Turine has heard about Damanhur by now.”
“I’ve wondered the same. Hopefully, Balak got Nehab’s message. Maybe he can get the king to put a stop to this nonsense before it gets worse. Make it easier on the others who come home after us.”
He spat. “Maybe. Though you heard that man with the scythe. Most of what they were worked up about had nothing to do with Damanhur. That had just been the tipping point. He brought up stuff that had been going on since the war began.”
“Yeah.”
“You know they gave me and Dekar that speech about duty when the army recruited us. Unlike you and Ava, we were dumb enough to actually join on our own.”
“Really?” Somehow after ten years, I hadn’t known that.
He nodded. “Bunch of morons we were.” He snorted. “The bones of those kids you mentioned. . that was in El Ghriba, right?”