“And I would have made that harder through emailing? If you didn’t want to talk anymore, that’s fine. I get it. But I deserved at least a kiss off email—”
“—A girl got hurt because of me, all right? She got attacked and could have died and I’m the one who set up the fucking meeting!”
Charlotte goes quiet. The only sound around us is the water in the creek and the rustle of the trees mixed with crickets. Those words were so hard for me to get out. I know it’s stupid. They’re just words, and if I could live through what happened, I could say them, right?
“Nathaniel…”
“Chrissy was Roxi’s best friend. She was my best friend, Adam’s girlfriend. He’d been acting kind of different, and not in a good way, but I didn’t realize how much different. I guess part of it was playing Varsity as a freshman and then sophomore. I don’t know, but he started turning into a prick, but he was my friend and I didn’t want to just bail on him.
“Anyway. They’d been fighting a lot. Adam cheated on her and she broke up with him. Adam kept trying to get Chrissy back, but she wouldn’t talk to him. He talked me into getting her to meet me. He wanted me to tell her I wanted to talk to her. And because she trusted me...she agreed.”
I stop talking, feeling more like an idiot as I go along. Why did I listen to him, anyway? It wasn’t my business to get in the middle.
“What happened next?” Charlotte asks.
“It was at a party, which again, stupid, but I wasn’t thinking. We’d all been drinking so she comes and we meet in this room, and then Adam comes out with flowers and stuff for her. She was upset at first, but then he gave her the flowers and said he was sorry and started to beg her to talk. I left them in there and I went outside. It wasn’t long that I was gone, but…damn, I don’t know. I guess I just had a bad feeling so I went back in and the door was locked. I knocked, but nobody answered and I started freaking out.
“I’d been in there a million times though and knew they kept keys on top of the doorway so I unlocked it and he had his hands around her throat, Charlotte. He was choking her and her shirt was ripped.”
My heart is thundering like it did that night.
“I pulled him off of her, and she was crying, and he kept saying he was sorry and he had too much to drink. Over and over he kept saying he didn’t mean to hurt her. She ran out of the room and I went after her. She didn’t want to tell anyone, but I kept seeing the look in his eyes. The hold he had on her. I could hardly get him off, so I kept pushing her to tell. We stayed out all night and I drove her to the police station to file a report. Things were a mess after that. Half the town was pissed at her—she went in the room, she’d been drinking too, it was an accident and shit like that. They all kept saying how Adam was a good kid and a good ball player. It was like that stuff you see on TV, only real.
“So yeah, I testified against him. People lied and said it was because I liked her and all sorts of other things that don’t matter. We ended up moving and I just…I couldn’t talk to anyone. Not even you. I just felt like—”
“It wasn’t your fault, Nathaniel.”
I want to smile at the way she seems to read my mind, but I can’t make myself do it.
“Feels like it is.”
She shuffles beside me and I wonder if she’s going to get up and leave, but she doesn’t. Charlotte reaches over and grabs my hand. I thread my fingers through hers, hold her tightly, and think maybe…just maybe everything would have been a whole lot easier to deal with this whole time, if I’d had her hand in mine.
When I get up the next morning, my brother isn’t here. Our parents decided to go get massages in the city, which is all kinds of screwed up if you ask me. We just got here yesterday. I’m not sure why they need a massage already, but if it keeps them from getting on my case, I'm not going to complain.
I wonder what Charlotte is doing. I'll feel like crap if she has to work with her dad today after how late we were out last night. We didn’t go in until after three—just sat out and talked. She’s good for that. Telling me about life in The Village and her stars. She never expects me to do more than listen unless I want to and it’s not the same as it is with everyone else.
Mom and Dad might not try to get me to talk because they’re not really good at that kind of thing, but I know they’re always trying to figure me out. Trying to decide how to be the kind of parents who sit down and open up to their kids when we both know they’re not. Whatever. It’s cool. It doesn’t bother me.
But with Charlotte, I can just chill.
Brandon’s sitting outside with his stupid fucking football when I go out, and I wonder if he’s had the thing surgically attached without me knowing. I don’t know what it is about him and that ball, but I know it was important for him to bring it and he’s been screwing with it since we got here.
“What’s up?” I ask him. “Sadie come and bust your balls yet?”
“Fuck you. And what’s up with you? Why are you all chatty all of a sudden? You’ve been walking around like a kicked puppy for six months and all of a sudden you’re cracking jokes. ” He’s palming the ball tightly between his hands.
I look at my brother, who’s usually one of the most laid-back people I know, and frown. It’s not like him to lose his temper. All he usually cares about is football and having a good time. Did I miss something these past few months? No. Not with Brandon. He’s never been able to keep anything to himself.
“What’s your problem, man? You’re being a douche.”
Brandon drops the ball to the ground and pushes me. Caught off guard, I stumble before lunging at him and pushing him back. My brother hits the ground and I know it’s more from shock than the fact that I’m stronger than him. We screwed around and got in fights when we were kids, but not in a long time.
Brandon gets to his feet. “My problem is we’re here because of you. We had to move because of you. You fucked everything up!” Just like that, he’s gone. I sink down to the porch stairs, knowing everything he just said is right, but it’s the first time he’s actually said it to me.
I feel like hitting something. Slamming my fist into something as hard as the guilt pummels me. I screwed up getting Chrissy to meet Adam. I pushed her to tell when she didn’t want to and then I screwed up my family’s life, too.
“Hey.” Charlotte steps around the side of the house.
I’m looking at the ground, trying to calm down. “Hey.”
“So…your brother just totally lost it.”
I almost laugh and I’m pretty sure that’s what she wants me to do.
Charlotte stands in front of me for what feels like forever before she asks, “Wanna go for a hike?”
I risk looking up at her. She has this soft sort of smile on her face like she’s unsure of herself. I don’t know what she thinks there is to be unsure of. She knows I’ll go with her. I’m always down to do anything with her.
“Don’t you have to work?”
“It’s under control.”
I stand up and step closer to her. She’s not as tanned as I remember from last year, but that’s probably because it’s so early in the summer. She’s wearing another pink tank top, only this one is darker, and it makes me want to smile because I don’t think I saw her in anything pink before. She used to make fun of Sadie for wearing it.
I also notice her neck is bare, not that I can blame her. Why would she want to wear the necklace I gave her when I was such a prick for six months?
“Sure. Want me to grab us something for lunch?” Just looking at her makes me a little out of breath and then that makes me feel like a douchebag.
“I’ll take care of it.”
Charlotte jogs off, around the back of her house and heads in the side door, staying far away from the store up front where her mom and sister work so often. It takes her less than five minutes to come back out with a backpack on and her hair tied up in a knot.