“You don’t sound like a prude.” Take that, fucker.
“Anyway, he got pissed and when we got home, he told me he didn’t want to go out with my anymore. I didn’t really care. It was one of those things that happened because...I don’t really know. I guess it was nice to have a boyfriend. I don’t really date. The next day at school, he’d spread all these rumors about feeling me up and about how small I was.”
Anger bursts inside me. “Fuck him. I’d kick his ass if—”
“Alec did,” she interrupts.
I try to hold back a groan, but I can’t help it. Of course he did. Alec cares enough about her to do things like that for her and he’s here to always do them. I’m suddenly shaking a little. It sucks not being able to protect her. To know Alec will and that he thinks it’s his job to protect her from me too.
I don’t let myself think about the words, just lean my forehead against hers and say, “If I had been here, I would have been the one to kick his ass for you.”
“I know…because you’re like, my best friend, right?” she asks, and I nod even though it feels off. They aren't big enough words.
“But you’re weren’t here… You’ll never really be here.”
There’s a truth to her words that I hate. Instead of thinking about that, I brush my hand along her hip. “Why do you think Alec didn’t care if you went out with him, anyway? I can’t even talk to you without him being a prick.”
Her answer is simple, easy, and she doesn’t shy away from it. “Because he knew I didn’t really like Thomas.”
My pulse jumps. She likes me. This totally cool girl who I would do anything for. Who trusts me with her secrets and who makes me forget for the first time in months. I knew it last year, but this doesn’t feel the same. It feels like more.
“I wish things could be different.” I push the wet strands of her hair behind her ear. “There’s nothing wrong with the way you look. You’re beautiful.”
She gasps. I can’t stop myself from leaning forward and taking her mouth. I’m used to the feel of her by now. I know the way she moves and how she tastes. She was so tentative the first few times, but now she’s opening up for me right away and pushing closer and I want her closer than anyone has ever been.
My mouth slips from her lips, trails down her neck, and I lick water from her skin. Charlotte fists her hand in my hair and her body quivers, making me pull back a little because I never want to push her.
Our foreheads come together again and we just stand there in the water, me holding her up while she has her arms wrapped around my neck. The mood darkens, sadness creeping into her features. “Don’t be upset.” I’m not exactly sure why she’s so sad; I just know she is.
“I’m going to miss you,” Charlotte whispers.
I pull her tighter against me. “We’ll still be here a couple more weeks. And we’ll talk this time. I won’t be stupid.”
That makes her laugh. “Boys seem to have a problem with that.”
“Low blow.”
“Do you ever talk to her?” she asks. “The girl who got hurt?”
I sigh, thinking back to when I emailed her. “After we moved, I messaged her once. I just wanted to check in, ya know? But she said she wanted to forget about it. They were moving, too, I guess. She took a lot of shit. People blamed her. Adam has this promising future and all that bullshit.”
“People suck.” For the first time, Charlotte leans forward and kisses me. It’s quick, her lips briefly touching mine. “You did the right thing, though. Not that I’m surprised.”
“Charlie!” Alec’s voice shouts from the direction of the boat.
“Douchebag!” my brother yells, too.
“He’s such an idiot.” I shake my head.
“I guess we better go back,” Charlotte says.
“Unless we want Alec over here, we do.”
She rolls her eyes. “I know he’s an idiot sometimes, but… He loves me.”
I must frown because she continues, “Not loves me, loves me, but we’ve always been a part of each other's lives.”
And they always will.
I won’t.
I get it.
“Nate!” Brandon yells again.
I turn to Charlotte. “Come on, I’ll race you back.” But her words are a weight tied to me, holding me back, pulling me under. We’ll always be a part of each other’s lives…
The next couple weeks fly by. Charlotte and I sneak out every night. Sometimes I kiss her and sometimes I don’t. I remember every time Roxi and I got together, we made out. It’s not that I don’t want to do the same with Charlotte. It’s not like I don’t want to do a whole lot more with her, but we talk a lot too. I enjoy talking to her and listening to her and I know she tells me things she doesn’t share with anyone else.
I also really, really want to keep kissing her. It’s in my mind way more than it probably should be.
It’s our last night at The Village and Charlotte and I are meeting early. I told her we don’t have to because I don’t want her to get caught, but when she tells me it would be worth it, I smile. There’s this sense of urgency scratching at my skin. Both of us know this could be the last time we see each other. My parents could decide to go somewhere else next year or not take a vacation at all and, hell, we’re sixteen. How do you know what the future holds?
She plans to end up with Alec one day and the thought makes me feel like I’m breaking apart, so I try not to think about it.
When we meet, she has a bag with her, but it’s not the one she usually carries with her telescope in it. I take her hand and she squeezes my fingers, but Charlotte stops me when I move to head toward the woods.
“Let’s go somewhere different,” she tells me. I nod because tonight, I would follow her anywhere.
We head the direction where we’ve sat by the lake a million times. The first place I talked to her our first summer. Charlotte keeps going and I keep following. We walk for at least a half hour down the lake. We turn, following the water around a corner, which makes it feel more secluded.
All the cabins are far behind us, nothing here but Charlotte and me, the water, trees, moon, and her stars.
“If you wanted to get me alone, you just had to ask,” I tease, expecting some kind of smartass comment.
“I thought I did.”
Her answer makes my skin feel tight. Heat bubbles inside me.
She lets her bag slide off her shoulder and moves to open it, but I reach out and grab it, telling her, “Let me.”
I lay the blanket on the ground, and pull out the towels she brought, wondering what’s going on. She sits and I sink down beside her. “What’s on your mind, Star Girl?”
She shrugs. “Everything.”
I don’t want her to be sad, not on our last night together. I’d do anything to make her happy, so I ask her about the stars and she points out a few different things. I pretend to see them, because I think she needs it. The longer we talk, the more she seems to relax.
“Brandon was gone again tonight,” I tell her.
One of the flashlights is facing the sky between us, but with the moon so bright, we don’t really need the light.
“I’m sure he and Sadie wanted to give each other a proper goodbye.” There’s a smile in her voice and a blush on her cheeks.
“I guess. I tried to ask my brother about her, but he threw a pillow at my head and told me to mind my own fucking business.”
Charlotte laughs. “I don’t even ask Sadie. It’s not like she would tell me. Last year she was pretty bummed he never called her, though. I used to hear her crying at night. It was strange. Usually Sadie doesn’t let guys get to her, ya know? She’s too strong for that.”
I think about her sister. The way I’ve seen her try to get Brandon’s attention and knowing they sneak out together, while she’s still with Brice, and even the way she treats Charlotte. “You don’t want to be that kind of strong, if 'strength' even the right word for it.”