“A closet?” I grinned at her. “You want a whole closet?”
“Well, I guess a drawer could do.” She rolled her eyes at me. “And I’ll just live out of my suitcases for the next four weeks.”
“What did you bring with you?” I asked her, wondering what on earth she had thought to pack for four weeks.
“Clothes, toiletries, books, my laptop, makeup, bubble bath—”
“Bubble bath?” I interrupted her, surprised. “You know I have bubble bath, right? Or that I can buy more if I run out.”
“I like the bubble bath I buy. It’s a cantaloupe melon scent and it leaves the skin really soft.”
“Okay, so that’s definitely for you, then.” I laughed. “I don’t want to smell of melon.”
“It’s amazing.” She pouted. “Don’t knock it until you try it.”
“That’s fine. I’ll just smell you.”
“That sounds so creepy.” She giggled and I watched as she pulled out two throw pillows from one of her bags and placed them on the bed. “They match the sheets.” She grinned impishly at me as she saw me looking at the pillows.
“Uh huh,” I said and then teased her. “No teddy bears as well?”
“Nah,” she giggled. “Maybe I’ll move them in next week, once I see how everything works out.”
“Uh huh.” I shook my head and laughed. “I’m hungry. Wanna grab a bite?”
“Yes.” She nodded eagerly. “What’re you making?”
“Oh.” I paused. “I thought you would make something, now that you’re here.”
“What am I? A housewife?” She looked at me with wide eyes. “Here to cook your meals and service you?”
“I wouldn’t say no.” I winked at her and her jaw dropped. “But no, that’s not why you’re here.” I shook my head. “And I was joking about the food. I actually have stuff.”
“Oh?”
“I bought some tomato soup at the deli last night and I have stuff for grilled cheese sandwiches. I remember you always loved soup and grilled cheese.”
“Good memory.” She smiled happily. “Sounds yummy. Let’s go make ’em. I can help.”
“Oh?”
“I’ll heat the soup up.” She laughed as we walked to the kitchen. “You can impress me with your grilled-cheese-making skills.”
“Well, you know I have so many skills. I don’t want to be showing off all of them.”
“I think it’s okay.” She patted me on the arm. “I think you won’t get a big head.”
“I’m not going to say what I was going to say because you’re a lady.” I winked at her and she punched me in the arm.
“You’re a pervert.”
“And you love that about me.”
“Maybe, maybe not,” she said, her eyes softening as she looked at me. I laughed, my eyes taking in every detail of her face. The curve of her lips, so luscious and pink, the twinkle in her eye as she gazed at me in something akin to delight. Her skin was glowing and I could see just how happy she was. In fact, my whole body could feel it, because I felt the same way. We were just so at ease. Our spirits flowed together. It felt natural being with Mila. She was the only person I ever truly felt comfortable with. She made me feel like I could just be me. All of me, in every way. There was no facade. There was no trying. I could tell my goofy jokes. I could be rude, fun, silly, sad, quiet, whatever and she always got me. I’d never really thought about that before. I’d never really thought about just how easy it was with her.
“What do you want to do later?”
“I don’t know.” She shrugged. “Maybe talk about the business stuff?” She made a face. “Exactly what I’m doing as your four-week fiancée?” she asked me and looked into my eyes so earnestly that I felt my heart stop for a few seconds. It always came back to this. While sometimes I could forget exactly what we were doing, I knew I could never really forget. Not when the truth of the matter was so very dark and deep. My heart sank and I could feel my energy sapping as I realized that this comfortable feeling with Mila might soon be something of the past.
“Eh, do we want to talk about business?” I asked her lightly, my heart sinking.
“I guess not.” She shrugged. “What about Cody and Barbie? Do you know what’s going on with them?”
“What do you mean what’s going on?” I opened the fridge door to take out the bread, butter and assortment of cheeses.
“Are they still seeing each other?” she asked curiously.
“I didn’t know they were seeing each other,” I said carefully, studying the cheese packets closely.
“Well, they had sex.” Mila sounded disgusted. “So I’m curious if that’s still going on? I wanted to have Cody and Sally over for dinner, but not if he’s going to bring that ho.”
“Are you trying to match-make them?” I looked at Mila then. “Are you sure that’s a good idea? I mean, Cody seems to be all over the place right now.”
“Sally is too good for Cody.” Mila made a face. “He’s my brother and I love him, but when he had sex with Barbie, I could have killed him. She’s such a skanky bitch.”
“Mila.” I shook my head at her.
“What?” She glared at me. “It’s true. And I blame you for bringing her that weekend.”
“It’s not my fault that Cody slept with her.” I really didn’t want to talk about this. The more we talked about Barbie, the worse I felt. Mila didn’t know how I really knew Barbie and, at this point, even if I wanted to tell her I couldn’t. There had been too many lies. Too much deceit. I knew that Mila wouldn’t understand, especially seeing as I couldn’t tell her everything that was going on. But I also knew that she would find out eventually. Eventually the truth would come out and everything around me would come crashing down.
My stomach churned as I thought about how Mila would react when she learned the truth. I could already see the pain and hurt in her eyes, maybe even anger and hatred. She’d never forgive me. That I knew for sure. And I didn’t know if I’d ever forgive myself either. But I’d come so far. Too far. I was in it now. I was a man of my word. I had to follow through.
I wondered then, if I could go back in time, if I would still have agreed to the plan. At the time, it had seemed quite harmless. I hadn’t thought that it was anything more than a business transaction, but then I hadn’t been thinking with anything other than my head. Things had changed now. There was a part of me that couldn’t stop thinking about how much I was hurting Mila and she didn’t even know. I was ashamed of myself. I was a predator, taking what I wanted without any regard to my prey. I was the top of the food chain. I was king. And I didn’t like who I was with all that power. I was a despot. A despicable person.
Yet, I was still able to forget. I was still able to be with Mila and pretend. Because when I was with Mila, I did forget. All I thought about was how easy and good it felt to be with her. She was so genuine, so sweet, so loving. I froze as I thought about that. She was loving. Too loving. I knew she was falling deeper and deeper for me. She possibly still had a crush on me. Still felt she was in love with me. I liked that, but I didn’t. I didn’t want her to fall in love with me. I didn’t want her to think that I was something that I wasn’t. Falling in love with me would only break her heart a second time. I couldn’t do that to her. I wanted to be selfish. I wanted to feel her love. Oh, how her love filled me up. When I was lying in bed late at night, sometimes I would just picture her smile and the look in her eyes as she leaned over to hug me and kiss me and it would make me warm. It would make me feel things that I’d never imagined feeling before. Sometimes those feelings made me feel uncomfortable. If they happened in the day, I banished them. But late at night, when the lights were out and it was quiet, I could pretend it was all a dream world. A dream-world fantasy and I’d let myself enjoy it. I’d let myself just soak it all in. And in those moments, I felt alive, truly alive. It was only in the morning that I’d be angry at myself.
“TJ, are you paying attention to me?” Mila poked me in the arm.
“Sorry, what?” I gave her an awkward look, not having heard a word she’d said. “I was thinking about something.”