“Who?” I raised an eyebrow at her. “The horses?” I leaned over and sucked on her neck. “I don’t think they care.”
“Oh, TJ,” she moaned and I felt her hand reaching down to my hardness and squeezing. I grinned as I felt her pressing her breast against the palm of my hand.
“Yes, dear Mila?” I asked as I pulled her top off and then undid her bra.
“Don’t stop,” she whispered as I bent down and took her nipple in my mouth. “Just don’t stop.” She purred as I nibbled on her breast lightly and I growled against her while I felt myself growing even harder.
Chapter Ten
Mila
“So you guys had fun horse riding, huh?” Sally asked with narrowed eyes as she gazed at me.
“Yes, he just wanted to surprise me and clear the air,” I said as I looked around TJ’s apartment to make sure it was clean and presentable for our first dinner party. “It was amazing.”
“Clear the air?” Sally cocked her head. “You mean because you’re in love with him and he’s an ass?”
“No.” I shook my head at her and sighed. “It’s been intense between us and maybe I’ve been pushing it too much. TJ never made any promises to me. I like him. He likes me. We’re having fun and I’m helping him with a business deal. That’s it.”
“You’re having kinky sex with him and you love him. That’s just a little bit more complicated than what you just said.” Sally put her hands on her hips and her lips thinned. “I don’t want you to get hurt.”
“I’m fine.”
“You’re not fine.” She sighed. “We both know that. But you’re telling yourself you’re fine because you want to be with him.”
“Sally, not tonight, please.”
“Fine.” She shrugged. “Not tonight. Tonight we will have fun, but it’s something you need to think about seriously. The more you give of yourself, the more it’s going to hurt at the end.”
“So you’re not even pretending that you think there’s going to be a good ending for me now?”
“What do I know?” She sighed again and gave me a weak smile. “I’m just worried for you. You know what they say about guys. Take them at their word. If he says he doesn’t love you and he doesn’t want a serious relationship, well, that’s what he means.”
“Yeah,” I said and looked away from her, my heart pounding and my head starting to feel sad again.
“Ignore me.” She grabbed my hands and gave me a huge smile. “I’m just bitter because Cody doesn’t have the time of day for me.”
“Didn’t he call you last week?”
“Yeah, it was just some random call to talk about you.” She made a face. “It wasn’t to ask me on a date or anything.”
“Aw, he’s trying, though.” I gave her a weak smile, but really didn’t know what else to say. Why was Cody calling her? And did he know the depth of her feelings for him? I knew that TJ knew I loved him, but I didn’t know if he knew just how deeply I loved and adored him. It was an embarrassing and scary thought thinking he knew just how much I wanted him.
“How do I look?” Sally spun around in her cute, short black-and-white dress, and I grinned at her as she changed the subject.
“You look absolutely gorgeous and you know that.”
“I do look pretty hot.” She giggled as she flicked her hair behind her shoulders and smiled at me, her bright red lips glistening on her glowing face. Her big brown eyes were radiating confidence and her eyelashes looked longer than I’d ever seen them with her new mascara. Sally looked absolutely gorgeous and I knew that she was hoping that Cody, when he arrived, would notice as well. I didn’t know what to think about that. Cody was my brother and I loved him, but I didn’t think he deserved someone like Sally, at least not how he had been treating her recently. She deserved an amazing man who would sweep her off of her feet and show her that she was his world, and I wasn’t sure if Cody was confident enough to be the man to do that.
“You look amazing as well.” Sally grinned at me and then whistled. “Absolutely beautiful. Being engaged is really doing it for you. Have you also lost some weight?” She looked at me again and tilted her head.
“I’ve lost about ten pounds.” I nodded and sighed. “I haven’t really been able to eat or sleep,” I admitted. “I haven’t really been working out or dieting. I just have all this nervous pent-up energy.”
“Oh no.” Sally frowned and looked at me. “That doesn’t sound good.”
“I guess I just feel so frustrated.” I lowered my voice. “You know how much I love TJ. You know that I want to be with him forever. You know that, well, he’s the one who has had my heart forever. And, well, I feel like every day I spend with him, I fall in love with him deeper and deeper, but I also keep making a longer crack in my heart. I don’t know how I’m going to survive after this ends.” I bit down on my lower lip, my eyes wide as I stared at her. The empty, sinking feeling entered my stomach again and I took a deep breath. I could not cry now. I was fed up of crying. And I didn’t want to ruin my makeup. Smeared mascara and eyeliner didn’t look good. At all.
“Oh, honey.” Sally’s eyes widened in response to what I’d said. “You need to just leave him. You need to forget this whole arrangement. He’s not good for your heart. I know you love him, but if he’s making you feel bad about yourself, he’s not worth it. There will be other men, Mila. You are beautiful. You are generous. You’re funny. Smart. Shit, you’re the perfect girl. Any man would be happy to be with you. Trust me. You will fall for someone much better.”
“But none of them will be TJ,” I said, my voice bleak.
“They will be better than TJ.”
“There is no one better than TJ.” I gulped. “He’s my everything.”
“But you’re not his everything,” Sally said softly, her face sympathetic. “Don’t you want a man who will make you his everything?”
“I just want TJ to love me.”
“Oh, we’re messes.” Sally sighed and grabbed my hand. “How did we get to this place? Both of us in love with men who can’t seem to love us. What are we doing to ourselves?”
“I don’t know.”
“I don’t want to be single forever.” Sally’s lips pursed. “And I don’t want to be waiting on Cody forever either. What if it never happens? What if he never falls for me? What if I end up at fifty, never married, no kids, no loves, no nothing because I just waited around on him?”
“That won’t happen,” I said, but then as I spoke the words I realized the same thing could happen to me. What if I just waited around on TJ to somehow fall in love with me and be okay with it? How long would I wait? What if it never happened? What if he fell in love with someone else while I was here waiting? It would crush me, and even thinking about it made me feel sick. Imagining him with someone else, falling in love, telling her he adored her, holding her close, kissing her—oh, God, that would kill me. I would be devastated.
“What are you thinking about, Mila?” Sally asked softly. “You look like you just found out someone died.”
“What if TJ falls in love with someone else? Marries her? What if TJ’s not the problem? What if it’s me? What if he just can’t fall in love with me because I’m not the one for him?
“Let’s see how tonight goes and then we should have a serious conversation. Neither of us can just stay in these positions. It’s not healthy for us.”
“I know.” I nodded. “I need to talk to TJ as well. Need to tell him some stuff. Need to just be free to accept whatever happens next. I don’t want to be living in this emotional turmoil anymore.”
“Yeah, it’s not healthy,” Sally agreed and we just stared at each other for a few moments, both of us wondering what it was going to take to get the other one to step off of the ledge.
***
“Well, don’t you two look pretty?” TJ walked over to me and gave me a quick kiss on the cheek as he got home. Then he walked over to Sally and gave her a hug. “Looks like I got home just in time.”