“I know that,” I said and stood up. “That’s why you’re here?”
“We worked hard to make this happen.” She slid off the desk and stared at me. “I put up with that bimbo for a whole weekend and slept with her brother just to make sure that he was occupied. Don’t make it be for nothing.”
“You slept with Cody because you’re easy.” I didn’t hold back my distaste for her.
“That and because I loved to see the look on that bitch Sally’s face the morning after.” She threw her head back and laughed. “Oh, the jealousy in her eyes. I would have loved to have seen that look in Mila’s eyes as well. Could you imagine if she caught us fucking in the shower? She’d still be bawling her eyes out.”
“Get out.” I pointed towards the door.
“Aww, seems like you’ve actually got some feelings left in you still.” She stared at me, her eyes cold. “It’s a pity that you became weak and let yourself fall for her. It will make it harder on you when she walks away for good.”
“Excuse me?”
“You know she’ll never talk to you again, right?” She laughed gleefully. “You can’t seriously think you guys will go back to how it was before? Don’t be an idiot, TJ.”
“This is none of your business.”
“Oh, it is very much my business.” The smile left her face and she looked at me coldly. “And I’m going to make sure everything goes according to plan. No matter what I have to do or say...” Her voice trailed off. “Capiche?”
“Leave my office.” I turned away from her, my whole body cold. It had suddenly hit me that Barbie was correct about something I’d never considered. What if Mila never spoke to me again? That wasn’t something I’d been prepared for. I knew that I’d lose our physical relationship and possibly her love, but losing her from my life forever? That was unthinkable. Unimaginable. How could I live without her in my life forever? What sort of life would that be? I heard Barbie finally leaving my office, but I didn’t even look back. I had greater concerns on my mind now. I picked up the phone and made a call, my heart in my throat.
“TJ?” Nonno’s voice was subdued.
“We need to talk.”
“I’ve been waiting for this call.” He sighed.
“Can I come over?”
“Okay,” he said stiffly. “I’ll be here.”
“I’ll be there in about thirty minutes,” I said and then hung up, picking up the file from my desk, my briefcase and jacket and leaving the office. I needed to speak to Nonno and I needed to see if I could somehow make this right.
***
“TJ, would you like anything to drink?” Nonno asked me softly as I sat down on the couch.
“Some water, thanks.” I nodded and watched as he walked slowly to the kitchen. I looked around his familiar living room and stared at the photos of Mila as a kid, smiling at her happy face.
“Here we go,” he said as he handed me a glass and sat down next to me. “So how can I help you?”
“I don’t know that Mila is very happy right now,” I said stiffly, not sure what to say.
“She’s going through an emotional turmoil.” Nonno nodded and leaned back. “She loves you a lot, so this is hard for her.”
“It’s hard for me too.” I sipped my water. “I don’t know that I can go through with this.”
“TJ, Mila is my granddaughter, and I love her deeply. I would do anything for her. I do not like to see her hurt. I do not like to see her in pain.” He stopped and just stared at me.
“This was your idea, Nonno.” I sighed. “I didn’t want to go through with this.”
“You must.” Nonno said simply. “Her parents are running the business into the ground. There will be nothing left when they are done. The money from your father’s investment will keep Mila afloat for the rest of her life.”
“But she doesn’t even know. Isn’t there another way?”
“She would never go behind her parent’s back and I, I can’t.” He sighed and leaned back. “You must continue with the deal.”
“I just hate that I’m giving my father what he wants and doing it so deceitfully.” I closed my eyes. “She’s going to hate me. She’s going to think I did this for me and my dad.”
“She loves you.” Nonno’s voice was soft. “This wasn’t all about the money, you know. This arrangement...” He sighed and I opened my eyes and looked at him.
“I have nothing else to offer her, Nonno. I told you that. I told you that before you told me to get into this arrangement. I don’t like having these secrets from her. I don’t want her to think everything has been a huge lie.”
“TJ, you are like a grandson for me. I know you’ve had a hard life, but try and let her in. All love is not bad. All pain is not bad. Mila is strong. She can handle a relationship. She can handle good times and bad.”
“I don’t want her to have bad times.” I bit down on my lower lip. “She’s going to hate me when she finds out everything I’ve been hiding from her.”
“She’ll know soon enough.” Nonno rubbed his forehead.
“And then her heart will break forever and she’ll never speak to me again.” I said, my heart sinking as I realized everything that I was going to be giving up.
“We’re doing this for Mila.” Nonno said. “We’re doing this because I can’t see her unhappy. I can’t see her worrying and wondering. I just can’t. I’ve always been her rock.”
“I know.” I nodded. “I know.”
“You must do this for me, TJ. You must.” He grabbed my hand. “This is for Mila. If she were to know everything. If her parents were to know. It would all go wrong. You know this. You know this is the only way.”
“I know.” I said again.
“Take her to the lake or the beach tonight.” He continued. “Make it a special night. You know she loves nature.”
“I know.”
“Do this for her, TJ. If you love her, in some way, which I know you do. Make it special. Make it special before it hurts. Because we both know it’s going to hurt. If you love her in your heart, if you want the best for her, even if you don’t want to tell her. Do this. So this for her. This is what we must do. This is what we do because she’s the most special person in our lives.”
I just stared at him then. I didn’t know what to say. I didn’t know how to tell him that I didn’t know that this was about Mila or more about him. However I kept my mouth shut. What did I know about feelings and love? Who was I to tell him that the things he was doing out of love were the things that would most probably break her heart more than anything else?
Chapter Twelve
Mila
Words consumed my mind. Thoughts, dreams, questions—everything I wanted to know was trapped in my brain, wanting to come out, wanting to be said, but silence enveloped us. I kept my eyes on the sky, dark blue with blinking yellow stars taunting me in their glory. I felt him shifting next to me, his shoulder brushing mine as he moved. For the briefest second, I felt the momentary shock of electricity that always struck me when we touched. My shoulder tingled but my hands stood still, fighting the urge to reach out and touch his hand. The wind was cool now, blowing against my skin as if taunting me too.
I closed my eyes for the briefest of seconds as my stomach churned. “I love you” spun through my mind as I lay there. I love you. How badly I wanted to say the words. Do you love me? Do you think you could love me? If I had to wait a million years for you to love me, I’d wait. Of course, I didn’t say anything. That was too pathetic. I was too pathetic. I couldn’t fix him. Especially not when he didn’t even seem to want to acknowledge what we had. He didn’t want to let me in. Not in the way that I wanted him to. I opened my eyes slowly and stared back up at the sky. The trees seemed ominous as I stared up. I could see the shadow of an owl in one of the branches above me. I stared up at it, wanting to fixate on the owl, instead of the man next to me.
“I always feel like I’m the only man in the world when I come to the woods,” TJ said finally, his voice sounding distant, even though he was a mere inch from me.