“I confess to lying to you and I get that? I should hide stuff from you more often,” he quipped.
I swatted him on the arm. “No. You shouldn’t. You get a one-time pass, that’s all.”
“I’ll take it,” he said, and smiled. Then his brow furrowed, and the giddy joy I’d been feeling evaporated.
“I need to see that file,” I said.
“Yes, you do.” North pulled a clunky iPhone from his pocket. It was nearly twice the size of my Gemini. He tapped the cloud icon on his screen.
“Wait, how do you have service?” I asked him.
“I’m using Wi-Fi instead of the Li-Fi. It’s the old communications infrastructure, before VLC replaced cellular. Since I’m here so much, I installed an access point on the roof.” He typed a few words onto his screen then handed it to me. He was quiet as I read.
By the end of the first page I thought I might puke. It was a log, like North had said, of everything I’d said and done since we arrived on campus, and every entry was written to make me sound unstable. I was “paranoid” that Dr. Tarsus hated me, “obsessed” with Lux, “evasive” about my mom’s past, and “preoccupied” with my mom’s necklace. Midway through the second page I stopped reading and closed my eyes.
North scooted over so he was next to me, and he put his arm around my shoulder. “Do you have any idea who she’s been sending this to?”
I shook my head, at a loss. Someone in the secret society maybe? Could this be part of their evaluation? It seemed plausible that they’d ask roommates for dirt. But why would mine throw me under the bus like that?
My eyes were still closed when North kissed my tear-streaked cheek. His nose was cold, and feeling it on my face made me smile despite everything.
“I should go,” I said reluctantly, handing back his phone. “I have class this afternoon, and I have to talk to Hershey.”
“Are you going to tell her what you know?”
“I have to. But I won’t mention you, don’t worry,” I assured him.
“Mention me all you want,” North said, standing up. “Tell her I saw the log on her phone and opened it. Just as long as she doesn’t know how I got the rest of it.” He gave me his hands and tugged me to my feet. My body bumped against his and I felt it all down my spine.
“Thank you,” I said, stepping back a little, putting some distance between us. If I stayed this close to him, there was no chance I would make it to my next class. “For finding the file, for showing it to me.”
“You’re welcome,” he said, and slid open the mausoleum door. Then he pulled me to him and kissed me, a thousand slow kisses, in the rain.
Hershey was sprawled out on her bed doing homework when I got back after my last class.
“Hey!” she said, all smiles. “How was your day?”
My gut twisted, like a towel being wrung out.
“I know what you did,” I spat, my voice tight, fully aware that I sounded like a sixth-grade girl.
Hershey’s smile faded. “Huh?”
“I read what you’ve been writing about me.”
Hershey went pale. “Rory. Oh, God. I can explain.”
“Yes,” I said, my voice like ice. “Please do.”
Hershey took a shaky breath. “The day I got into Theden, I got a call from Dr. Tarsus. I thought she was just calling to congratulate me on getting in. But then she said she needed my help. That another girl from my school had been accepted, but she thought the admissions board had made a mistake, and she needed me to help her prove it.” Dr. Tarsus. I put my palm on the surface of my desk to steady myself. It wasn’t the secret society after all. It was much, much worse.
Wringing her hands, Hershey went on. “She said they shouldn’t have let you in because of your mom. Because she was ‘akratic.’” Tears were rolling down Hershey’s cheeks, leaving streaks in her bronzer. “She said we could force your dismissal by presenting evidence to the executive committee that you were unstable, but that I couldn’t tell anyone what we were doing until she’d built her case. She said she’d make sure I had access to you, all I had to do was keep a log and record some conversations.” Hershey gave her head a hard, angry shake. “I should’ve told her to go f—”
I cut her off. Her should’ve’s were useless to me. “So she knows I hear the Doubt,” I said dully. “You were recording our conversation on Friday. That’s why you kept asking me about the voice.”
“No,” Hershey said firmly. “No. I haven’t written down or recorded a single thing since you helped me on Thursday night and won’t ever again.” She came toward me and reached for my hands, but I snatched them back. “Rory,” she said, “I am so sorry I did this.”
“Why did you?”
“I was flattered, I guess, that she’d ask for my help.” She sounded ashamed. “And by the time that wore off, too envious of you to stop.”
“You expect me to believe you did this because you envied me?” I let out a bitter laugh. “Wow, you must really think I’m an idiot.”
“Of course I envied you, Rory. You were a freaking Hepta and, worse, you didn’t even know it. Everything came so easily to you.”
“You’ve got to be kidding me. Easy? I worked my ass off to get here, and I’ve been working twice as hard ever since. And now you’ve taken all of it away from me.” Something caught in my throat. I pressed my lips together to keep from crying.
Hershey put her hands on my shoulders. “Listen to me, Rory. I’ll fix this. I’ll tell her I won’t do it anymore. Then I’ll go to the dean. I promise you, I won’t let her hang you out to—”
“Don’t you get it?” I spat, shrugging away from her. “It’s too late. You already gave her the rope.”
I turned on my heels and walked out.
17
I WAS OUTSIDE PARADISO six minutes later, heaving from the run. I could feel my hair plastered to my forehead and could only imagine how crazy I must look. Sweatpants, no jacket in fifty-degree weather, nose red, eyes rimmed with the morning’s mascara. Not exactly how I wanted North to see me. But too late, he already had.
He left a customer at the counter to meet me at the door.
“Hey,” he said in a low voice. “How’d it go?”
“One of my teachers put her up to—” I stopped as my eyes landed on my lit teacher, who was watching me from the condiment station. North followed my gaze and lowered his voice even more. “Why don’t you head up to my apartment?” he said, pressing his keys into my hand. “I get off at five.” I slipped my Gemini from my back pocket to check the time. It was four-thirty.
“Okay,” I said, closing my fingers around the keys. My teacher wasn’t paying any attention to me now, but I felt the need to be stealthy. Maybe Tarsus wasn’t the only faculty member who wanted me out. Plus North wasn’t exactly citizen of the year. It didn’t help either of us for us to be seen together.
As I mounted the steps to North’s door, I toggled my privacy switch. I didn’t want Hershey coming to find me here. I didn’t want to hear her apology, partly because I was afraid I might forgive her.
I let myself into the apartment and locked the door behind me. Stepping out of my boots, I wandered over to North’s bookshelf in bare feet.
I let my finger slide over broken spines as I scanned titles. There were some I’d heard of and a bunch I hadn’t. Some were barcoded and covered in plastic, former library books, before libraries went completely electronic. Others were worn and water stained. The books on the very top shelf were hardbacks with tattered fabric covers, their titles etched in gold leafing instead of printed with ink.