My breaths are still pushing out fast and hard, my hands still fisted.
"Easy there, Tiger. Come on. Let's go."
Mom. Mel. Mom. Mel. How could everything fall apart in one night?
"Carter...she's not worth it. Let's go toss some baskets or whatever it is you do when you need to relax."
My eyes dart to hers. Somehow that gets my attention. "Toss some baskets? You really need a lesson in basketball."
Still, the night isn't forgotten that easy. I feel like a chump. Step up! Let's see how many people can fool Carter Shaw! One empty promise to quit and I believed Mom. And Mel. I knew something was going on, but I ignored it.
I fall back against a tree, both my hands running through my hair. I almost want to open my mouth and tell her about Mom. Just to get out the words I've never spoken to anyone. I've seen her drunk so many times, I can't figure out why this one call has me so spazzed out.
"Hey...you okay? You look like you're about to puke or something."
I open my mouth, not knowing what's going to come out. "I seriously think you're following me. You know, if you want to hang out, all you have to do is ask."
A small laugh escapes her mouth. "Good try, but no cigar. You're pissed about something and I have a feeling it's a lot more than just your ex-girlfriend, but I'll play along if it makes you feel better. I was helping Travis look for you. He's leaving, but wanted to talk to you first."
My body sags a little. I hadn't wanted her to have an excuse for finding me.
"Shaw! Where the hell are you?" drifts toward me from the house. My feet itch to run, not wanting to see him. Not wanting to see anyone right now. I feel like I'm one step away from cracking, which I cannot do unless I'm alone.
"Back here!" I try to make myself smile, try to push everything else away and be the Carter everyone expects me to be.
Travis comes stomping over a few seconds later. "What? Oh..." His eyes linger on Kira.
"Yeah, not what you're thinking, man." I make myself laugh for good measure.
"Damn. I'm sorry." He gives a real laugh and Kira rolls her eyes. I hear her mumble something that sounds like, "boys."
"Beer's almost gone here. I'm out. We're going to go play some pool or something at Roger's house. Wanna come?"
I pass a reply back and forth in my head. Yes, no, yes, no. No wins. I can't be Happy Carter tonight. "Nah, I think I'm gonna head home. You cool though? Sober driver and all?" I ask.
Travis nods. "Yeah. Roger's girl doesn't drink. She's driving." He holds his fist out for a bump. "Have fun," Travis winks. "Text me tomorrow." Then he's stumbling away again.
Kira's standing next to me, silent while I try to quiet the voices running around in my head. Mel and I just broke up. I was over her, but still it's weird. And Mom...if she's drinking now, how can I trust her not to try it again when Sara's home?
I shake my head, hoping the thoughts will fall out. And suddenly, even though I know it's better, I don't want to be alone. "Hey. If you're not busy..." Spit it out, Shaw. I shrug. "I don't know... You want that basketball lesson?"
She doesn't complain about how it's almost midnight. She doesn't ask me again what's wrong or tell me the last thing she wants to do on a Friday night is play a sport she hates with a guy who's obviously screwed up in the head. Instead she looks at me and smiles. "Okay...but you can't get mad if I beat you."
Chapter Nine
I park the truck in the farthest parking spot away from the street, hoping no one will notice it. "You haven't been drinking, have you?" I ask Kira.
"Nope." She opens the door, making the interior light come on.
"Good. If you see a cop, still run, but if we get caught, I'm sure we won't get into trouble. Hanging out in the park after curfew isn't as bad as being drunk and under twenty-one."
"Great. The first time you take me out and we might get arrested. Lana's going to love you." Kira slams the door after she jumps out. I scramble out of my seat behind her.
"I don't want your mom—"
"Guardian."
Oops. "Sorry. Your guardian to want to kill me. Should we go?" Say no.
"No."
Thank you!
"But I will totally blame it on you if we get caught." She smiles, making me think—or hope—she's kidding. Kira's already walking toward the basketball court she saw me at the first day we met. Grabbing my basketball out of the cab, I push the door closed and run after her.
The court is set far off the street and down a path. We really shouldn't get caught. I've played here enough at night, but I still throw a quick request to the big guy upstairs that we get by unscathed tonight. The last thing I need is to have the cops call my mom to pick me up.
Suddenly, my feet won't move. Holy shit. What would I do if the cops called Mom? She couldn't come and get me. Would they make her? Send me home on my own? "Hey... You sure we should stay? I mean, I don't want you to get into trouble or anything."
She doesn't stop walking and I make my feet move again. It always feels like I'm trying to catch up with this girl. "You won't. I'll be fine. Unless..." Finally, she stops walking.
When I reach her, I'm shaking my head. "No, no. I'm cool. Come on. Let's go."
When we get to the court, I start to feel a little stupid. Why did I invite a girl who's not into ball to the basketball court? I mean, I'm sure she really doesn't want to spend her Friday night learning basketball 101 when she's already told me it's not her thing. Now that we're here, I don't even know if she really wants me to show her or if she just came because she felt sorry for me. Or maybe she wants to watch me. Usually it doesn't bother me when people watch, but times like tonight, where I just need the leather between my hands to feel grounded to something, I don't really want an audience.
Which makes me wonder why I invited her here in the first place.
"So I'm guessing heels and basketball don't really go well together?" Kira's steady voice pulls me out of my thoughts.
"Um...no." I dribble the ball to keep myself busy. "I guess I didn't really think this through very well."
She shrugs, pulling off her shoes and tossing them to the side.
"You can't play with no shoes on. What if you step on something?"
"I'll be okay, Mom. Just make sure you don't stomp on my feet."
Like always she pulls a small laugh out of me. "Ha ha. See? I try to be a gentleman and you make fun of me. Nice."
"Are those the same shoes you play your games in?"
"Um, no. Why?"
"Give them to me."
"What? Then what will I wear?"
Kira crosses her arms. "Oh, I was under the impression you were being a gentleman."
My eyes fall closed and I shake my head, knowing she got me. "Fine, but just so you know, I wouldn't do this for just anyone. And if I step on something and get hurt, I'm totally suing."
"Deal." She takes my Nikes and pulls them on. They're obviously big on her. I doubt she'll even be able to run without tripping. "And at least you have socks. That's some protection."
"Socks? Protection my ass." This time, it's me who mumbles, "girls" the same way she did boys.
"Okay, so what's first, coach?" She holds out her hand, answering my question about whether we're really playing basketball class or not. I toss her the ball.