“Okay, suppose I got caught and sent to trial. Wouldn’t I have a good chance of getting off when the jury learned that he had been violent toward me for a long time?”
“You really want to take a chance on the opinions of twelve ordinary citizens?”
“Maybe.”
“Okay, let’s say you go down to Devlin’s studio, pick up another one of his small sculptures and coldcock him. One blow might not do the trick; you might have to hit him until his brains are on the floor, and in that case, you’d better show signs of his trying to kill you-bruises on your neck, maybe even his fingerprints on your throat, something like that. And even if he is smaller than you, you’d be taking a chance on whether you could win the fight.”
“Suppose I wait until he attacks me, then shoot him.”
“Again, you might lose; he might take the gun away from you and shoot you. Also, the cops are going to want to know where you got the gun, if you had a license for it and why you took it to his studio. You could go to prison for just possessing the gun.”
She massaged his scalp and his face. “You make it sound awfully difficult.”
“It’s not just difficult, it’s very nearly impossible to kill somebody you know and just walk away.” She began rubbing the back of his neck. “And if I thought you really had it in you to murder somebody, I don’t think I’d want your hands where they are right now; they’re too close to my throat.”
“Suppose I hire someone to kill him and I’m in, say, San Francisco on the day.”
“Your chances of getting away with the actual killing go way up, but now you’ve got another person in the picture who might be a very great liability. Do you know any contract killers?”
“No, but I bet I could find one.”
“Okay. You walk into a bar in a not-so-hot neighborhood, strike up a conversation with some guy who looks like he’d do anything for money, and you make the deal and give him half. He could just start drinking at another bar and keep your money; in fact, if he’s smart, that’s exactly what he’d do. But let’s say he goes through with the deal, commits a clean murder, leaves no evidence, collects the rest of his fee and goes away. All of this is unlikely, of course, because he’d probably make mistakes that would get him caught, and then, to get a light sentence, he gives you to the D.A. on a platter. The D.A. will find witnesses in the bar who saw the two of you together; you’re the kind of girl who’s not easily forgotten. Or suppose, a year or two down the line, your hit man gets arrested for some other crime, something petty, like burglary. He doesn’t want to do time, so he does a deal where he gets immunity for Devlin and you get the death penalty. In short, you can’t rely on a person who will kill for money.”
She laughed and dropped his head. “All right, I won’t kill him. What should I do?”
“Unless you want to leave town or spend the next few years as a kind of fugitive in your own city, you have to confront him. Legally, I mean. Would you like for me to visit him and tell him what you can do to him in court? That might cool his ardor.”
“What a good idea!” she enthused. She kissed him lightly on the penis. “Now, how about that breakfast in bed?”
20
Stone made it through breakfast without having to perform again, which was just as well, because he was nearly too sore to walk properly. He saw Celia to the front door, and she took an invitation from her purse and handed it to him.
“Devlin has a show opening tomorrow night at this gallery in SoHo. It might be a good time to speak to him.”
“I’ll see what I can do,” Stone said. “How about lunch at La Goulue, Sixty-fifth and Madison at one o’clock the day after?”
“See you there,” she said, planting a serious kiss on his kisser.
Stone disengaged with reluctance and limped to his office.
Joan came in, bearing the Post. “I won’t ask why you’re late,” she said. “I saw her leave from my window.”
“Thanks for not asking,” Stone said, accepting the newspaper, which was open to Page Six. Four excellent photographs of Bernie Finger and Marilyn the Masseuse adorned the upper quarter of the page, and tiny strips of black covered only their most private parts. “Wow,” Stone breathed, as he read the story, which made mincemeat of Bernie’s slander suit.
The phone rang, and Joan picked it up. “The Barrington Practice,” she said in her best secretarial tones, then she listened and covered the phone with her hand. “It’s Henry Stead, from Page Six.”
Stone had had one previous conversation with Stead a few months before. He pressed the speakerphone button. “Good morning, Mr. Stead.”
“Good morning, Mr. Barrington. I trust you’ve seen Page Six today.”
“Mr. Stead, I know this will come as a crushing disappointment, but I am not a regular peruser of either your newspaper or your page.”
“And yet you managed a timely riposte to Bernie Finger’s account of your luncheon at the Four Seasons.”
“My secretary’s taste in newspapers is not so lofty as mine, and, from time to time, she may share some tidbit with me, particularly if it takes my name in vain. Today, so far, she seems to actually be doing her work, so she has shared nothing. Care to give me the short version?”
“Well, yesterday we ran a mention of Bernie’s current extramarital affair. Bernie, of course, sued us immediately, so today we ran the corroborating photographs, featuring a naked Bernie on a penthouse terrace with an equally naked masseuse named Marilyn. Tomorrow, we expect to report that Mrs. Finger has filed for divorce. In fact, I believe the story is already set in type.”
“And however did you get Bernie to pose for these pictures? I’ve met him only once, at the aforementioned luncheon, but he certainly didn’t seem built for nude photos.”
“Oh, your good friend Mr. Cantor supplied the photographs.”
“I’m afraid the only Mr. Cantor with whom I am acquainted is Eddie, of the banjo eyes, and I believe he is far too dead to supply you with nudies of Bernie Finger.”
Stead managed an appreciative chuckle. “Mr. Barrington, this page appreciates your contributions to our output, and as long as we can maintain this friendly relationship, you will have our gratitude, expressed in our treatment of you in these pages.”
“Mr. Stead, while I am always appreciative of kind treatment, I cannot offer a quid pro quo, not being the gossipy sort, but I wish you well in your endeavors, particularly with regard to Bernie Finger. I bid you good morning.” He disconnected.
“Nicely done,” Joan said. “Tell me, did you ever feel even a twinge of conscience about this? I wasn’t really sure you’d go through with it.”
“A twinge, yes, for about half a minute. Then I remembered Bernie’s attempt to sabotage my reputation with his altered-state account of our lunch, and I started to feel really good about screwing him, which is how I still feel.”
“And how about torpedoing his marriage? Do you expect to reap any karma for that?”
“Well, Bernie’s ego, not his marriage, was my objective, but although I have done Bernie an ill turn, I’m sure that is more than made up for in good karma by the service I have done Mrs. Finger, who will presently be rid of Bernie and very rich. I predict she will remarry within the year.”
The phone rang again, and Joan picked it up. “The Barrington Practice.” She listened and handed Stone the phone. “Bob Cantor.” She returned to her office.
“Good morning, Bob,” Stone said.
“Morning, Stone.”
“I’ve just had Page Six on the phone, and Henry Stead made a half-hearted attempt to make me admit that I know you.”
“Which you repulsed?”