“Don’t worry about it. I can’t seem to stay mad at anyone, so why should I start with you. Moreover, my mom likes you, and she’s actually a very good judge of character. She even told me to break up with my first girlfriend. I was just too stubborn to listen.”
“Since your mom likes me, I think it’s time you told me the condom story.”
“Okay, where to begin? Oh yes, my workout with Florida and Kentucky. I flew in on a corporate jet that was arranged by big Florida booster. The night before, our quarterback was knocked out of the game. Actually, it was the Eastside game.”
Her eyes got big.
“I was at that game. Eastside had the game in the bag when your quarterback was hurt. Mark came over to make plans for after the game. He was laughing because your backup was a freshman. I remember his head snapping around when you threw that bomb on your first play.
“By the end of the game, I was actually rooting for you. I never put it together.” Then she smacked herself in the head. “Damn it, you did it again. Now tell me to shut up and tell me the story.”
“Out of courtesy to the Florida booster, the Florida coaching staff set up a workout to see what I could do. Kentucky had two quarterback prospects coming in for visits that same weekend, so it was arranged that I would work out with them. I got there a little early and started throwing to one of Kentucky’s receivers. At the time I thought he was just an equipment manager, until I saw how fast he was.
“Florida’s coaching staff got to the workout first, and when they saw me throw, they tried to move my workout to a private setting. Before we could leave, the Kentucky staff showed up and their receiver clued them in. After a little discussion, I was asked if I objected to Kentucky seeing my workout. I figured I wasn’t that good, so I said sure.
“At the end of the workout, the receiver came up to me and told me that I was a real talent, but a raw talent. If I wanted to stand out, I needed to show leadership. I spent the rest of the weekend as Kentucky’s guest. They put on the full recruiting blitz. I had a chaperone and everything. When I met the other recruits, I heard them all excited about going to a party where they’d been told they would probably get lucky.
“My brother taught me to use a condom. Heck, he’s the poster boy, since he got his girlfriend pregnant. So, not trying to look like a wet blanket, I talked to them about the girls. I pointed out that if a group of high school boys could score with college girls, what had those same girls done the prior weekend when another batch of recruits was there?”
“I asked them if they wanted to take an STD back home to their sister.”
Jennie whacked me.
“That’s gross. That only happens at Tennessee. Remember that if they ever offer you a visit.”
“Do you know that it took them almost two minutes to figure out I’d accused them of sleeping with their sisters?”
“Really?”
“You need to come up with a new line. People are going to make fun of you saying ‘really’ all the time.”
“Shut up, ‘stupid boy,’ before I smack you again.”
“I told them I brought my own condoms because I didn’t want my manhood to fall off. We had a tour of the athletic facilities and to a man, they asked their chaperones where they could get condoms. The chaperones left us alone for dinner to go compare notes.
“I was the only one who had a female chaperone and, of course, the other recruits were quizzing me as to why I got a girl. I explained it was part of the questionnaire that I filled out. It asked if I preferred to have a girl give me head or a guy—or something as immature. By the time the chaperones came back in, they were having trouble understanding why everyone wanted to lynch me. I was pulled out of the meeting to go to the office.
“The head recruiter wanted to know what I said to make them all think that they needed condoms. I explained that if they got an STD and took it home, Kentucky would look bad. I also explained how handing those out in their welcome packet would make Kentucky seem cool in the eyes of high school guys. I also suggested that they give them a pack of six so the guys thought they were going to get laid a lot.”
“I can see that.”
“Long story short, Kentucky gave me an offer. They also went to their health clinic to get each guy a packet of six condoms. When I went back to dinner, one of the recruits asked me what I’d been up to. I showed him the offer and told him if he told his chaperone, the chaperone would take him to get an offer also. Somehow, word got around and I was left to eat by myself.
“When my chaperone came back with the condoms, I was chowing down on my third steak. I was pretty sure she was going to kill me until everyone came back with offer letter. Then the head guy announced that I’d arranged for them all to receive condoms. I think they were happier about getting the condoms than the offer.”
“Did they really use all those condoms?”
“Get real. I probably used more that night then the rest of them combined. What college girl is going to sleep with a high school boy?”
“What do you mean, you used more? How many did you use?” she asked.
“Oops. Did I say that out loud?”
“You’re a slut. Tami warned me that if I wasn’t careful I’d be handing you my panties and begging you to defile me. Did you bang your chaperone?”
“I didn’t put my wiener in her bun.”
“You should go into politics. We eliminated you having intercourse with her, but that leaves a whole lot of other stuff that could have happened.”
“And you, Missy, are too smart for your own good. So why don’t we stop, and you can give me your panties?”
“Who said I was wearing any?”
“Touché. Game, Set and Match, you win. I’m going to wonder about that the rest of the way home.”
“Rookie, stick with me, and I’ll help you improve your game.”
“Yes, Mistress. I’m yours to mold.”
“Be good. This is only our first date. I have rules.”
“To prove a rule, you need an exception. Why don’t you make me your exception?”
“Call Tami and give me the phone.”
I dialed Tami and handed it to Jennie.
“I need help. He has me so worked up that I want to, uh, let’s just say very bad things. Here.”
She handed me the phone.
“No, no, no, no! You’re being a very bad boy right now!” Tami scolded me.
“But she told me that she wasn’t wearing any panties.”
“Give her the phone.”
I handed the phone to Jennie.
“Yes, I might have said that. No way! What do you mean I’m on my own?” She hung up. “Dang it.”
“So, want to pull over and find out how long my, uh, tongue is?” All I heard was a moan. “Is that a yes?”
“No. Oh God, you have me all flustered again.”
“I know what’ll fix that! Three or four quick orgasms.”
“Uncle, I give up.”
“Okay, I was just having some fun. I’m not the creepy guy that hits on you. I hope you didn’t take it the wrong way.”
“Dear God, if you were going to Wesleyan, you couldn’t get rid of me.”
“I feel the same way, Jennie. You’re a lot of fun. If I thought you’d take me up on any of my offers today, I’d have been scared to death. You’re a lot of woman, and I’m afraid I might not be man enough for you.”
The rest of the ride was fun. We liked the same movies, books and music. She loved football. By the time we got to my house, we were friends. I didn’t see us being more than that. She was from a vastly different socioeconomic background. She was upper crust, even by Wesleyan standards. ‘Old money’ was what they called it. Generations of being a part of the social elite made it almost impossible for an average guy like me. People like Jennie might have a fling with a regular guy, but she wouldn’t bring me home to meet the family. We both knew that, regardless of the sexual and emotional chemistry, our backgrounds were just too different. It was a shame, because I really liked her.