If it wasn’t one of my goals, why did I push for it? Obviously, Tracy hadn’t felt the same way or she could’ve never walked away from me. Then the cold, vindictive part of her makeup came pushing forward by asking Luke out on a date. It was as calculated as when she dumped me at the auction. She had some perverse need to push me away so that I would never come back. I finally came to grips with the conclusion that Tracy and I would never get back together. So be it. I felt the room that held our relationship in my mind click shut, never to be opened again.
Something else I came to realize in the root cellar, trying not to freeze to death, was life was too short. You would think I would’ve learned that from watching Lily almost die and my mom’s cancer. Life being too short had a couple of meanings for me. First was to live every moment to its fullest. The second was that the opinions of others didn’t really matter.
I guess I should clarify the second one. It didn’t give me carte blanche to be an jerk. That would violate the third goal of having a good solid moral foundation. What it meant to me was I would stop making decisions based solely on what others might think. For me, as long as it was the right decision, then to hell with everyone else’s opinion. A good example would be spending time with Lisa Felton. Something about her got my engine running. I didn’t sense she was a bad person, I just thought she had made some poor decisions.
Those two revelations were freeing in many ways. I no longer felt guilty about losing the football game that had haunted me. It had happened, and there was nothing I could do to change it. So why even worry about it? I remembered the serenity prayer: God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change. Courage to change the things I can. And wisdom to know the difference.
It felt like a door had opened for me. I chuckled when I remembered the old saying that if one door closed, another would open. With conviction, live life to its fullest, and not worry what others thought. I felt the weight of the world lift from my shoulders.
After several more hours of turmoil, I was exhausted. In the back of my mind, I knew I shouldn’t fall asleep, but I couldn’t help myself. I drifted off into darkness.
Sunday December 29
I WOKE TO FIND MY TOES and fingers to be numb. I was shivering, and was also stiff as heck and ached all over. A nice hot bath sounded like heaven. I remember from health class that when a body started to shut down from the cold, your extremities were the first to suffer the effects. Your body would try to conserve heat for the core, where your vital organs are. The other problem I faced was dehydration. Your body can only go for so long without water, a much shorter time than without food.
The problem I faced was that there was plenty of snow, but the trade-off of getting water into my system was that I would lose heat from melting the snow. In the middle of the second day, I started to get a headache that threatened to crack my skull open. I also found it was difficult to focus. If this continued, the cold would no longer matter, so I stuffed my mouth full of snow. After the fourth mouthful, my headache started to go away. The only problem was that my gums felt numb.
I tried to stretch and move to get my blood pumping. Even in the confined space, I felt a little better.
I spent my time in quiet reflection and prayer. I found my anger was no longer important. If Tom, Tracy, Ed and Luke’s opinions of me didn’t matter, then why be mad at them? Was there a breach of trust? The simple answer was yes. I needed to learn who I could trust.
I started by making a list. These included my family as well as Angie, Tami, Beth, Suzanne, Kara, Adrienne, Kendal, Jeff, Alan, Gina, Mrs. A, and Mary. In the ‘not-trusted’ category were Tom, Tracy, Luke, Ed, Deb Thomas, Coach Lambert and Jennie. At least the trusted side was longer. Everyone else fell into the ‘maybe’ category, with Tom possibly moving out of the ‘not-trusted’ group.
I found it was harder to stay awake. At some point, I let sleep take me.
Monday December 30
I WOKE TO THE SOUND of people. I could barely hear them. I tried to yell but my mouth was so dry all I could get out was a croak. That was when mind-numbing despair set in. If I wasn’t so dehydrated, I was sure I’d have tears streaming down my face.
I WOKE TO IT BEING quiet again. My despair switched to quiet acceptance. The fight in me was gone. I was going to die. I was surprised I didn’t have more fight in me. It wasn’t like me. I just no longer had the energy to continue. My body was failing me.
Once I knew the end was near, my religious upbringing came at me full force. I never really considered myself super-religious. I always felt it provided a good moral compass. But in this moment, I now understood what they meant when they said it was in the Lord’s hands now. I was at peace. I quietly said goodbye to everyone I loved and closed my eyes and willed myself to let go and die. Everything faded to black.
Tuesday December 31
I WAS SURPRISED WHEN I woke up. Some noise disturbed my sleep. It sounded like whining and digging. Suddenly a giant fur-ball of a dog was licking my face. I heard a woman’s voice.
“We found a body.”
“Hang on, I think he’s alive. Look at how Bruno’s acting,” a man said.
“OH MY GOD YOU’RE RIGHT! WE NEED HELP OVER HERE!” the woman yelled.
I passed out again.
I WOKE UP SCREAMING. A thousand knives were plunging in to my arms and legs. I felt a needle stick my neck and thankfully, I passed out.
I WOKE UP AND HURT from head to toe. The good news was everything seemed to be working. I could wiggle my toes and fingers. God must not be done with me. I sent him a prayer of thanks. I looked at the clock and it showed 11:59 pm. I thought, ‘Well, happy frickin’ New Year!’
Freshman Year: Spring
DESCRIPTION: Third book of the epic coming-of-age series: A Stupid Boy Story.
David Dawson is at an all-time low ... it wasn’t the way this kind of story was supposed to go. The girl he thought he was in love with dumped him. A church ski trip resulted in disaster when an avalanche trapped him in a cabin and everyone thought he was dead. His mom has had to go to California for experimental cancer treatment. Could things get worse? Will his family and friends rally around him? Will his love for baseball be his salvation?
Interlude – Tami
THE NEWS OF DAVID’S death in the avalanche devastated all of us. Footage of the fireball and mushroom cloud was captured on a cell phone. The wreckage of the blast site seemed to confirm our worst fears. Range Sports paid to have David’s dad flown from California to Colorado to identify the body. They also arranged to have David’s body brought home along with his parents for the funeral. His mom was in the middle of her treatment and had to be talked into staying in California until the funeral. Greg was flown out there to be with his mom. Devin and Sandy Range were real troupers. They even made sure a grief counselor was available for the youth group, even before they returned home.
The press had gone into a feeding frenzy when on the second day Pastor Dan’s body was recovered. They invaded our sleepy town en masse. The interview that pissed me off the most was the one with Tracy. She professed her everlasting love for David, as she leaned on Luke for support. There was a special place in Hell for those two. Several people declared they were David’s close friends just so they could get on TV. I was grateful when none of his true friends did interviews.