As those feelings, and that pain, came rushing back, I fully realized that we would never get together again. I may forgive her, I may become her friend, but she would never be my girlfriend. I would never open myself up to her again. I would never trust her fully again. I ...
I felt the sadness and grief at the loss of what could have been. Tracy could have been my first great love. I knew from the start that the odds were against us. We made a hell of a team. We fit together, supporting each other’s strengths and covering for the other’s weaknesses. And the sex ... let’s just say it was special.
I felt a tear trickle down my cheek as Tracy cried in my arms. Along with the sadness and grief, I felt relief. The decision was finally made. It was almost physical. She was no longer my responsibility. I didn’t need to hear what happened. That was something private between her and her family.
I gently untangled her from me and Tom and Mary enveloped her in their love.
I took Dr. Hebert aside.
“I shouldn’t be here. Tracy and I are no longer together and we’ll never be together in the future. This needs to stay within her family.”
“She needs to tell her story to the people closest to her,” Dr. Hebert told me.
“That is what I’m trying to say, I’m no longer one of those people.”
Dr. Hebert walked with me toward the door. She had a pained expression.
“She loves you, you know.”
“I love her, too, but not in the way that’s needed for this discussion. I’ve forgiven her for what she did to me. I think that, in time, we may even be friends again. I’ll never date her again. It would be arrogant of me to have her share her deepest feelings when I know that we’ll never be more than friends. If she needs my support, I’ll be there, as a friend.”
“Please wait. David, if you leave, she’ll think you’re rejecting her. It will be a major setback for her, one that, quite frankly, she can’t afford right now,” she told me.
I hesitated and, in that moment, she pulled me back in.
“Thank you. This means a lot to her,” Dr. Hebert said, then she led me back into the living room
We all sat down as Tom stood up beside his daughter. Before he said anything, there was a knock at the front door. Tom went to answer it and my dad walked in. I looked at him, trying to figure out why he was there. Dad just gave me a tight smile.
“Before Tracy tells her story—please note I said story—we need to put some safeguards in place,” Tom said. “I trust you all, but this is too important. You may hear about what might be construed as illegal acts. To protect Tracy, I’m going to ask that each of you sign a nondisclosure agreement. This will go both ways. It will protect you in that you’ll have only heard a story tonight. Tracy can never share what’s said and implicate you as accessories after the fact.
“If you’re concerned, please note that I’m representing Tracy. If you feel you need legal guidance, please seek it and we can postpone tonight,” Tom said as he turned to me. “I’ve asked your father to be here because you’re a minor. David, if this ever comes to light, I want you to be safe.”
Tom handed out the documents, and Dad and I went into Tom’s office.
“David, I talked to Tom for quite a while today. He gave me a general rundown of your risks. We have concerns whether this document would hold up if word gets out. You have to be very sure you want to stay. Personally, I don’t want you to. I’m not staying, but you have to decide. I talked to your mom and she agrees.”
“Tracy needs me, at least, for this.”
Dad just nodded, and we went back out to the living room. Tom and Dad signed the agreement. Tracy and I did likewise, as a symbolic gesture. Tom made Dad a copy and then Dad left. Tracy had grabbed my hand and squeezed into my chair. She clearly needed my support. The room was quiet as we all waited to hear what could be so bad.
TRACY
My stomach had been in knots all day. I was grateful that Dr. Hebert had agreed to be here tonight. Over the last several months, I’d come to trust her. I’d kept everything a secret for so long. It was a relief to be able to share it with her.
Telling Mom and Dad was going to be hard, but the one person I most owed an explanation to was David. This had affected him the most. After the hell I put him through, he was still my knight in shining armor. He saved my life. I looked him in the eyes and contemplated where to begin. He gave my hand a gentle reassuring squeeze. I guess the best place to begin would be to start the day I met Bill.
It was suddenly as if it were yesterday.
10 Months Earlier
“Luke, keep your hands to yourself,” I said, swatting his hand off my bottom.
It had been cute the first fifty times he did it in the hall at school. I’d had enough of him grabbing me. After today, I could finally dump him. I worked all year to position myself as JV Cheer Captain for next year. My plans had come together. The three girls that were my biggest rivals—Mona, Kim and Sammie—were now my best friends and my biggest supporters for Captain.
“Ah, Baby, you know what your hot body does to me,” Luke leered.
What put me over the top was that I’d hooked up with a junior stud football player in Luke Herndon. At first, I was on cloud nine because everyone was jealous. I had bagged the junior-class version of Big Man on Campus. Then everything began to change. His biggest problem was that he was insecure. He was always worried that I was out with other boys. He even followed me and my friends to the movies one night. It was kind of sad.
“Luke, we’ve talked about this. I’m serious. Keep your hands to yourself at school. I’ll not have a reputation as a slut just so you can look good to your friends.”
“Sorry, Baby,” he said, as he gave me his puppy-dog eyes.
After today, one way or another, he was history. I needed a change. I wanted to find a guy who was confident and fun.
AT LUNCH, THE SENIORS announced who would be captains next year. Beth Anderson was selected Varsity Captain. She was a sweet girl, everyone liked her, and she had a surprising inner strength. I was sure it had been a close vote, with Suzanne Ball coming in second. Suzanne showed her class as she hugged Beth when it was announced.
It was now time to announce JV. I was sure I’d won, but there is always a little doubt that creeps in.
“Next year’s JV Captain is, drum roll ... Tracy Dole!”
I don’t know if I was more relieved or excited. All the girls came and congratulated me. I’d achieved my goal. My next goal would be to become Varsity Captain the following two years. That could wait until after the summer.
AFTER SCHOOL, I TOLD Luke we were done. It was kind of sad the way he took it. The poor guy was devastated. He had no idea it was that bad. Seriously? He really wasn’t paying attention. All I wanted to do was celebrate. I needed some fun and excitement, so I called Mona.
“I’m a free woman, I just gave Luke the news,” I shared with her.
“Finally. He was starting to get on my nerves, and I wasn’t even dating him.”
“Call the girls, we need to go out and celebrate. We need to get drunk. Do you know of any parties?”
“Kim heard of one. I’ll call her. Maybe she can get Barry to give us a ride.”
Barry was a senior that had it bad for Kim, but she didn’t know he was alive. It was so cute to see him moon over her. I swear she was clueless sometimes.
We usually all got together once a month for a sleepover. Our favorite place to stay at was Kim’s. Her parents belonged to the country club and would go out Friday and Saturday nights. Most times they weren’t home before two in the morning. That allowed us to go out to parties and get drunk. We just had to be back to Kim’s before one o’clock. Her parents would be hungover Saturday mornings, so they never noticed we were hungover too. Tonight I was going to get a little crazy.