“What happened to your bong?” I asked.
“My lawyer made me get rid of it all.”
“Oh.”
I didn’t have anything to say to him. I was afraid to say much for fear he would find out it was my fault.
“What happened that night?” he finally asked me.
“You got wasted and decided I wasn’t good enough for you. You told me you could find my replacement anytime you wanted.”
He just grunted. I could tell he believed it. I started to cry when I realized how little I meant to him, so I got up and left.
A FEW WEEKS LATER, he called me again.
“Tracy, I just wanted to call and tell you how sorry I am about how it all turned out.”
“No, I’m glad it ended if you didn’t care for me.”
“Well, I miss the sex. You have a hot body.”
I didn’t say anything.
“Anyway, I just called to tell that I settled my case. I’ll do ninety days in county and then enlist in the Army. They’re bumping it down to a misdemeanor so the Army will take me. A felony conviction would’ve made it impossible to get in. The ninety days in jail will clean me up so I can pass the drug test if they need one.”
“When do you go?”
“Right now. I just wanted to say goodbye.”
When we hung up, I cried. Tiny was paying the price for what I’d done. If I’d known what was coming next, I would have run down to the police station and confessed.
THREE DAYS LATER, BILL called.
“Tracy, we need to meet,” Bill said without preamble.
“I don’t think so. I can’t think of anything I want to say to you.”
“Listen, meet me at Tiny’s apartment.”
“No.”
“Let me make this simple: show up or go to jail. Be there in an hour,” he said, and hung up.
I decided I would go to appease him. When I walked in the door, he slugged me in the gut. I crumpled over. He kicked the door shut and pulled me by my hair to the bedroom. He proceeded to kick the shit out of me. He was very careful not to hit me anywhere that would show. I was curled up in a ball on the floor when he raped me.
After he had finished, he explained my new reality.
“We’re now going out. You’ll be at my beck and call. If you don’t do as you’re told, we’ll have a repeat of today’s lesson. Now clean yourself up and get the hell out of here.”
I SHOULD HAVE TOLD someone. For the rest of the summer, I had to service that little needle-dicked bastard. Thank God he had a small penis, or some of the shit he wanted to do would have made life unbearable. I started to get high to help deaden the pain. Bill was more than happy to give me pot and then abuse me. About once a week, I would do something wrong and he would beat the crap out of me.
By the end of summer, I realized that either he’d kill me or I would do it. I don’t know where I found the strength, but I stood up to him. Dad had given me pepper spray for protection. I hosed him down and tied him up.
“Here are the new facts of life, asshole: you and I are done. If you ever touch me again, I’ll call Tiny.”
I knew the cops didn’t scare him. Tiny did. Tiny could have him killed.
I WAS A MESS WHEN SCHOOL started. The weekly beatings and rapes had taken their toll. While I was with him, I witnessed things that will haunt me the rest of my life. Bill Rogers was one sick bastard.
It was a couple of weeks into school when I met David again. When I saw him with Suzanne, she was wearing that ‘well-laid’ look. I’d never seen the Ice Princess so chatty and happy. He had changed. He’d lost all his baby fat and grown at least six inches. He was actually hot as hell. And what a flirt. He totally caught me by surprise. I didn’t plan on dating because Bill had kept calling me. I was afraid what he would do if I went out with someone.
I know I messed up with David. The whole ‘not together’ stuff was to protect him. Mentally, I was exhausted and a mess. I cared for David, but Bill kept up his harassment. He threatened to kill David. I needed them as far apart from each other as possible. When I saw the paper that Saturday, I figured I had an excuse. I knew that alone wouldn’t be enough to keep David away. I hatched the plan to not bid on him at the Band Fundraiser.
Jim was a happy bonus that turned out badly. No one was bidding on him. Then when his sister bid, I felt sorry for him. When I bid on him and saw the look on David’s face, it broke my heart. When he made his speech about not being mad at me, I knew I had to protect him from me. He was too good a guy to be with someone like me.
Jim was so sweet and he caught me at a vulnerable moment. I never intended for things to go as far as they did. It felt like the ultimate betrayal of David. When Bill came to the party later, I almost welcomed the beating. I deserved it. Then David was so nice to me. He took care of me at the party and then saw me at the hospital.
The best part of this was that Bill went to jail. He threatened to expose my role in the accident if I pressed charges. I was able to talk Jim into backing down. I manipulated my mom to make her think it was her idea to protect me from going trial.
When Bill got out of jail, I knew it would be bad. That was when I finally told my dad part of the story. He had suspected Bill had done things to me. He was a bulldog when Bill threatened me. Dad made it clear that he knew everything. When Bill showed up at the party, he told me he had nothing to lose.
DAVID
When Tracy finished her story, she collapsed into my arms. I was stunned. So much that I had struggled with now made sense. The thought of what happened to her made me physically ill. I disentangled myself, rushed to the bathroom, and lost my supper. How could one human abuse another like that?
Tracy hadn’t held back. Her parents flinched every time she described what Tiny and Bill had done to her. I have to give them credit for sitting through it. That took more courage than I would have had. To be a parent and listen to all that would be gut-wrenching. I could see the look in her dad’s eyes and knew he blamed himself for not figuring out his daughter was in trouble.
I saw how our love had been taken from us. Listening to her story helped me understand, but sadly, it didn’t change how I felt.
I also realized that things needed to be made right. Bill could rot in hell for all I cared. If I ever saw the bastard, I might help him get there. I realized that Tiny was a drug-dealing scumbag, but he hadn’t earned what happened to him. The owners of the ice cream place had closed up shop. Those people deserved better than they’d gotten.
Finally, Tracy needed to take responsibility for what she did. If she didn’t, Bill would be hanging that over her the rest of her life. But tonight was not the time to do that. Tonight was about healing. I got cleaned up and went back out.
Tracy had a fearful look on her face as she tracked my every move. I asked Mary if she had any antacids since my stomach was a mess. Dr. Hebert took me aside.
“Are you okay?”
“Are you kidding? That was a lot to take in.”
“Do you need to talk about it?”
I snorted and she gave a sheepish grin.
“Can’t help yourself, can you?”
“Not when I see someone hurting.”
“All right, fair enough. I want some advice and I don’t think today is the right time. I don’t want to put it off, either. Would you be open to coming to my house for brunch on Sunday?”
“I will if you agree to see me if you start having problems with this.”
“Dr. Hebert, I recently almost died when I was trapped in a basement for several days. My mother is fighting for her life with cancer. My girlfriend dumped me twice. I think I might have some other issues to deal with. If I start to have problems, I’ll call you.”