“Don’t worry, I’ll get to you.
“By the time I graduated from high school I realized I was different from most guys. I wanted to find out why, and that’s what led me to study psychology. I told our story to one of my professors. He told me that your grandpa was a real-life Alpha Male.
“At first I didn’t believe him. In the wild, the Alpha Male is the dominant male. They normally are associated with strength and size. It’s a biological mandate that the best representation of a species tries to replicate itself. In a lion pride, or a wolf pack, the Alpha Male mates with the majority of the females. Dad was neither big nor strong.
“When two people come together, there’s a natural tendency to establish dominance. Humans can’t help it. We have millions of years of genetics that make us that way. We do it at a subconscious level and you probably don’t even notice it.
“When you think of the prototypical Alpha Male, you think of the physical side. You put two men in a room and only allow women to look at them, and they’ll go for the big, healthy-looking man 80% of the time. Many times, when you think of these men, you think they’re brash, assertive, and overbearing in their attempts to establish dominance.
“I bet you can think of a few guys who try to intimidate others into doing their bidding. These are your bullies and jocks that people love to hate. This type of Alpha Male only has half the package.
“But then there are the men who walk into a room and command it. You’ll notice people defer to them, and they soon attract a crowd. The other sub-alphas will be attracted to them, and push the beta males away. In a high school setting, this would be a clique of friends.
“Then there’s that rare man who transcends cliques. They can quietly command a room and tend not to be loud. Quite often, they are good listeners, connectors, mild-mannered, and physically unassuming. What is it about these men? What gives them this seemingly mystical aura?
“Finally, there’s the Alpha Male that has both. He’s physically what you’d think of as an Alpha Male, and he has the mind of an Alpha Male.”
Uncle John got up and started to pace the room as he spoke.
“In college, I found I had many of the physical attributes of an Alpha Male. I could get about anyone I wanted to go out with me. Not just go out either; I could also bed them. It didn’t matter if they were engaged, married or single. I had a chance at being with whomever I wanted. It scared me. That, and a very angry school administrator made me realize that the physical side was not the kind of leader I wanted to be.
“I’m not half the man your father is. He’s more the mental side of the Alpha. He’s been able to keep a long-term relationship in place without straying.”
Uncle John took a deep breath.
“Okay, I’m getting off track. Let’s talk about the physical side. There are chemicals in your body that determine how fast you are, your strength and endurance. The main one is testosterone. It’s the hormone that will make you aggressive and dominant. It also boosts decisiveness.
“Studies have shown that when two rivals play, your level of testosterone goes up if you win. The losing team’s levels actually drop. However, the level of your testosterone is not a good measure of a man’s dominance. If that was true, any juiced-up ’roid guy would be an Alpha Male.
“There’s another hormone called cortisol which the body releases in response to stress. If you ask the guys that lost whether they wanted to play the winners again, the men with high testosterone levels and low cortisol levels will want another try. If they have high testosterone and high cortisol levels, they’ll decline. They feel too much stress.
“So basically, testosterone may help build the look: lean muscle mass, greater strength and masculine features. Cortisol regulates stress. These two are the main components of the physical side. The other side is what makes the Alpha brain.
“Dopamine is a neurotransmitter that drives pleasure-seeking and sensation. While testosterone will give you the drive for status, dominance and winning, dopamine allows a man to achieve these.
“A simple way to explain dopamine is the difference between ‘liking’ and ‘seeking.’ If you like something, you enjoy it and move on. If you seek it, you’ll look for more. The ‘seeking’ behavior is evidence of dopamine production in your body.
“The next brain chemical that comes into play is oxytocin. When you hold or cuddle someone, your level of oxytocin shoots up. Oxytocin is all about bonding. It’s the hormone that helps you bring groups of people together.
“Finally, there’s prolactin production. High levels of prolactin are generally associated with a decreased sex drive.
“Okay, I’ve bored you enough with the technical data. I just had to prove to myself that there were actual physiological reasons for why we act as we do. Suffice it to say that our genes have made us what we are. And David, you have it in spades.”
Great, I was an Alpha Male.
DAD MADE US ALL ANOTHER drink. After listening to all the technical stuff, I needed one. Uncle John went over each of our blood results.
“So what does all this mean?” Uncle John asked. “If you don’t get the right moral compass in place, you can cause great damage. My dad was a good example. He would sleep with anything in a skirt, and left his progeny for others to take care of.”
“That’s why we set up the rules with Greg, and then he shared them with David,” my dad said.
“Always use a condom, never sleep with a girl who’s seeing someone else, no means no, and so on. That’s the cautionary side. The helpful side is putting you out there. That’s why your dad taught you to work a room. If you have charisma and seek out others, it gives them permission to come to you. The ones who don’t have your charisma, well, they need a nudge sometimes to connect.”
Uncle John seemed to organize his thoughts again.
“So why did I just lay all this Alpha Male stuff on you? I’ve seen David make a huge leap in leadership skills in the last eight months. I have also seen his sex life get crazy complicated. What amazes me is that he handles it with such a deft hand that he makes it seem easy. What absolutely floored me was that he’s able to delegate—I encouraged him to do so, but I didn’t expect he’d be able to do it effectively so soon. He doesn’t have to be in front all the time, but if it gets off course, he’s right there.
“All that combined show me that David has huge potential. His skill with delegating means he can do many more times the amount of good than if he had to control everything himself.
“Let me caution you on what matters may come up that get you off course. The first is your sex life. Alpha Males don’t seek support in a relationship, because they don’t need it. They’re dominant, and in control, and have comfort and security because of that. They want fun, pleasure and novelty. For the Alpha Male, novelty means multiple and new women. This is where the danger comes in.
“Women love the Alpha Male, but they don’t marry him. If they do, it many times ends in divorce because it’s not in the Alpha Male to have just one mate. Here’s where it gets interesting. The Alpha Male is also swimming in testosterone. So he can’t stand the thought of another male touching his females,” Uncle John said, looking right at me.
“That’s why I warned you off Grace,” Uncle John confessed.
Grace and Uncle John had been together. He was telling me to stay away. He also just got engaged. Technically, he no longer had a claim on Grace, and I could see where I might assert my dominance by taking her from him. What stopped me was I owed him for everything he’d done for me. Plus, he was family, and if he asked, I would relent. I saw how being the Alpha Male could mess up your life. It would take a special woman to marry an Alpha Male. I suddenly had a lot more respect for Mom and Grandma.