ON THE RIDE HOME, I sent a text to Tracy, but didn’t get a reply, so I asked Luke if he’d give me a ride home. When we got back to the high school, there was a huge crowd waiting for us. Coach Lambert stood up as we pulled in.
“Boys, as you can see, success has its benefits.”
We looked out at all the pretty girls who waited for us to get off the bus. From the look of most of the guys, having a crowd was something new.
“I’m sure there’ll be some kind of party planned for y’all. I want you to remember you’re all in training. That means no drinking.”
That got some moans, but overall it went over well.
“I also expect you to look after each other. If you see someone doing something stupid, then man up and stop them. You hear me?”
“Yes, sir,” we all responded.
“Okay, go meet your fans and have some fun. Just make sure it’s the right kind of fun,” coach said, and let us off the bus.
We found a party had been planned at one of the alumni’s home. He had a farm at the edge of town. Luke wanted to go, so I told him I’d get a ride with someone else. As I started to walk home, I saw Greg and Tami. I instantly felt my gut tighten up. I stopped and tried to see if there was some way of avoiding them. Of course, Tami read me, walked over, and took my hand in hers. Every fiber of my being told me I didn’t want to go with them.
“David, I love you, and I can’t go on with the way things are. Please come with us so we can work this out.”
I noticed we’d started to draw a crowd of onlookers. I looked back at Tami and saw my pain mirrored in her eyes. Enough! I had avoided this too long. I just nodded to Tami and allowed her to guide me to Greg’s car. She pulled me into the back seat with her. Greg didn’t say a word. He just got in the car and looked straight ahead. Before we left the parking lot, I’d broken down and clutched Tami to me.
I have no idea how long the car ride was. I just remember we stopped and Greg got out of the car. I didn’t know I hurt this much. I’d worked myself out of depression over the summer to come home to find my main support system missing. Tami hadn’t talked to me, and something was off about Greg. I suspected he was cheating on Cindy, and from the way Tami acted, I thought I knew who with. I took in a couple of deep ragged breaths to clear my head. Tami reached up and wiped a tear off my cheeks. I looked at her and asked her one question.
“Why?”
“You left.”
I hadn’t expected that.
I found we were wrapped in an embrace and I slowly disengaged from Tami. What about my exile to my uncle’s farm had anything to do with this, I wondered. It was time to face this. I’d run from hearing why my best friend was with my brother.
“Okay, I’m listening. Tell me.”
“Last spring, I was really mad at you. You were such a jerk I convinced myself I never wanted to see you again.”
Okay, what she’d said so far was true.
“I agree. I wasn’t pleasant company. You had every right to be mad.”
“Then you had the trouble with Lily. It seemed like just a few days later you were gone. After hearing how you’d saved her, I wanted to see if things were better with you. Even though I was mad at you, I still cared.”
It felt good to know. I think deep down I knew she cared, but the confirmation was nice.
“I know; this last week I’ve realized the same thing,” I said. “We just aren’t us anymore. We used to be close, but now you’re more of an acquaintance. It hurts too much for you to hang around the fringe of my life. Either you’re in it, or we need to part ways. But it’ll kill me if we do that.”
“David, that’s sweet. Do you know if you’d said that to me last spring, I would’ve stood by you?”
That took me aback. I thought she hated me back then. The sad fact was I was so wrapped up in my own angst, I didn’t have room for anyone else when all that was going on. I didn’t know what to say to that, so I just dropped my head and tried not to cry. Lord, I was a wuss.
“Do you realize we’ve said we love each other more in the last few days than we did the previous nine years?” Tami said.
“Tami, can I say something before you tell me what’s going on?”
She stiffened and nodded for me to go on. I think she was prepared for me to say I really didn’t give a flying leap, that I was done.
“I was in a bad place when I went away this summer. I figured out I didn’t like myself very much. I know it was stupid, because what 15-year-old has a good self-image? We’re full of insecurities and self-loathing. My uncle worked hard to help me realize I’m okay.”
“You look more than okay.”
I gave her a genuine smile.
“You have to understand most of this is due to Greg and Cindy. This exterior is for show. Yes, I grew up over the summer, and hard farm work did my body good, but what’s important is the inside. I was mad at the world and depressed beyond belief. Uncle John made me see that I needed to become okay with who I am. I’m still not there yet, but he helped me see that if I didn’t forgive myself, I would never be able to forgive others. I came to terms with being responsible for what happened. My actions got me sent to that farm, and thank God my dad had the foresight to send me there. I think it saved my life. What I also learned there was that I love you.”
I could tell this shocked her. I could see tears start to form, so I hurried on before I lost my nerve.
“I’m sorry I didn’t talk to you. Uncle John took my cell phone and didn’t give it back until I left. When I came back, I intended to tell you everything, but every time I tried to talk to you, you wouldn’t give me the time of day. I know you needed to have time to see if I was for real or not. I’m the one who broke our trust. I’m the one who hurt you. I’m the one who caused all this pain. If it weren’t for my actions, you’d have been comfortable in telling me about you and Greg.
“That’s the part that hurts the most. I made you not trust me enough to tell me what was going on in your life; and to be honest, if he makes you happy, I’m your biggest cheerleader. I love Greg and you both very much and only want what’s best for the both of you,” I said.
She tried to interrupt me, but I needed to finish.
“Please, let me get this out before I can’t. What really hurts is I missed my chance and I have no one to blame but myself. I thought you were the only one who could make me happy. You’ve always been the only one for me. I’ve always loved you, but we were just kids. I never wanted to ruin our friendship by making it more. A little piece of me just died when I figured out you and my brother are together.
“In the past few weeks I’ve met women who make me realize the love I have for you is unrealistic. I need to grow up before I fall as hard as I have for you. We’d be a red-hot nova that would burn out too soon. I need to take things slow and find something that’ll last, so I want you to know I love you and wish you the best. I hope someday we can be good friends again. I’ll keep working to make you proud of me and prove through my actions that I’m not a lost cause. I also realize I must move on. I can’t be mooning over my loss. I’m a big boy, and I’ll get over it,” I choked out the last part.
I ran out of steam and the car was quiet. I started to get out of car.
“Come on, and let’s go tell Greg I’m sorry. I want you both to hear it.”
She grabbed my arm.
“David, wait. Greg and I are not together.”
What was going on, then? Yes, I’d heard the words before, but I had no idea why they hadn’t sunk in.
“Okay, I’m listening.”
“Yes, we’ve comforted each other, because we missed you so much. Greg confided in me. He asked me to tell you today. David, you’re going to be an uncle.”
Were they messing with me? Tami was pregnant? Then it dawned on her.