Beth had put me in charge of recruiting football players to help and I’d done pretty well. I talked Magic, Kevin, Bill and Luke from the varsity squad. From the JV Suzanne got her little brother Jim. I use the term ‘little’ loosely, because Jim was six-five and weighed nearly 250 pounds. If he could ever get coordinated and gain some foot speed, he’d make a heck of a lineman. From the freshman team Luke’s little brother Mike had joined Bert and Tim. All told, if you counted me, I had gotten nine of the twenty bachelors. I’m sure these guys would have fun with this. They were all good guys and the band needed the funds, so it was a win-win.
This year’s auction was at the school auditorium. Beth, being in charge, had volunteered to MC and one of the band members’ dads was asked to be the auctioneer. Beth made us all show up two hours early, and she and the cheerleaders had us learn an opening routine complete with costumes. When I saw what the costumes were, I almost turned around and left. But Magic called me a wuss, so I sucked it up and stayed. The basketball team had loaned us warmups and the swim team had gotten us Speedos. In practice, it was apparent that not everyone should wear a Speedo.
Standing backstage, I started to get nervous. Luke could see me pacing and stepped in front of me to get me to stop.
“I can’t believe you. You’re mister cool and confident on the football field, but get you in room of girls and you fall apart. You do know that Tracy’s going to bid on you and end this thing for you, right?”
“I do. Thanks for the pep talk,” I said, but wasn’t sure I believed him.
I sucked in a deep breath and then let it out very slowly, as I concentrated to calm down. Luke was right, Tracy would bid on me and all the other girls would step aside. It was some kind of girl code that I didn’t understand, but everyone had told me that, so I had no idea why I was nervous. It might have had something to do with Tracy and me not actually going together. She kept saying we should go slowly. This was while we screwed our brains out every chance we got. By all appearances, everyone thought we were a couple.
Tracy had never given me a reason to doubt her feelings for me. She never even looked at other guys, but in the back of my mind, something just wasn’t right. Every time I had brought the subject up, she had been consistent in her mission to go slowly and make this relationship work for the long haul. It had nothing to do with the sex; sex with Tracy was fantastic. I had nothing to complain about in that regard. Her friends all liked me. Her parents treated me as if I was part of the family. Since football blew up, we’d made a good team, but there was something that had held her back. I knew the issue was with me. I don’t think I fully accepted the non-relationship status.
Part of me wanted to push ahead and force the whole boyfriend/girlfriend discussion. I was sure if I did, she’d bail on me. If I were wasting my time with Tracy, wouldn’t it be better to find someone else? Hell, my mom even told us that we should break up and then get back together when we grew up. My mind had gone in circles with no apparent solution in sight. I took another deep breath and held it in. I then slowly released it. I needed to slow down and just take this one day at a time.
It was now getting close to showtime, and the music was pumping. Magic came bouncing back.
“There must be a couple hundred girls out there and they’re ALL hot!”
One of the stagehands called out, “Line up, we’re one minute away.”
I saw Beth on the side of the stage as she got her microphone hooked up. She saw me and gave me a wink. Through the curtain, you could see the house lights dim and then go out. The girls started to clap rhythmically. Beth walked out on stage, and when she hit her mark, they lit her with a spotlight.
“Ladies, are you ready for this?”
The girls were treating this like a rock concert. I wasn’t expecting the volume they could put out. When the crowd quieted down, Beth continued.
“I’m Beth Anderson and I’ll be your Master of Ceremonies tonight.” There was polite applause. “I want to welcome you to the fifth annual Bachelor Auction hosted by the Marching Band. This year’s proceeds will be used to offset the cost of the band going to the Orange Bowl in Miami, Florida. They’ve been invited to the New Year’s Day Parade. They’ll also be attending the game on January third which is part of the BCS Bowl Championship Series. So ladies, dig deep tonight, and let’s see how much money we can raise for this worthy cause.”
The music started to play You’re Sexy and You Know It.
“Now, let’s meet your bachelors!”
The noise level went through the roof. The stagehands pulled back the curtain and Gary Baxter strutted out and hit his mark. “Gary Baxter!” He then headed to the right to give us room to come out. I was next. I did my best catwalk imitation. “David Dawson!” I headed to the left. Next was Magic. “‘Magic’ Mike Wade!” It didn’t take long before we were all on stage. “Let’s give a big hand to our bachelors. Without them volunteering, this event would not be possible.”
Beth stepped to the side of the stage, burlesque music began, and we began our routine, acting like bad Vegas showgirls. It didn’t matter, the girls loved it. Halfway through we all took our shirts off. This had started to become fun. I think what kept me from being nervous was that the spotlights in our faces made it so I couldn’t see the crowd. If I’d been able to see my friends, I think I would have died of embarrassment.
Beth was on my side of the line and stood next to me.
“I don’t know, girls, I’m not sure I want to spend good money on a bachelor if I haven’t seen the complete package. What do you think? Should we see more?” she asked.
“Yeah!” the crowd screamed.
She looked at me.
“Are you ready to take it off?”
I shook my head no.
“Come on girls! Encourage them to TAKE IT OFF!”
“TAKE IT OFF! TAKE IT OFF! TAKE IT OFF!” the crowd chanted.
We started looking up and down the line, and then a stagehand cued up dance music and we all ripped the breakaway basketball warmups off. That left us all in our Speedos, and we began to dance. The girls went wild. Magic cracked me up because he kept shaking his booty at the crowd. When the song ended, we all ran off the stage. We hurried to get dressed for the auction. Gary had drawn the short straw and had to go first. They had us dress in suits and ties.
While we dressed, the auctioneer was introduced, and he went over the auction process. The house lights were brought up so the auction staff could see the crowd. Several of the band members were placed in the crowd to help the girls bid.
They had us all come out and sit in chairs on one side of the stage. Beth brought Gary up and the auction began. It quickly became apparent that the band girls all had a crush on Gary. I could see the shock on his face as the bidding hit $100. We all were shocked when it hit $300.
Suddenly Beth was next to me and panicked.
“David, how much money do you have in your checking account?”
“What!? Why are you asking me that?”
“I don’t have enough money to bid any higher!”
I could see the pleading in her eyes. Our well-crafted plan was going to go up in smoke because of a lack of funds.
“$350 going once, $350 going twice,” the auctioneer announced.