“You better keep an eye on her, big brother. She’s hot,” he said, and he giggled like a little schoolgirl as Luke took off after him.
Mike dodged out of the room, laughing. I could tell Luke hadn’t really tried to catch him. Magic just shrugged.
“She is hot,” he offered.
We both laughed at Luke when he gave us a scowl.
Chapter 21 – I Think I’m Going to Like Being Selfish
Saturday October 12
I found a quiet spot and called the Dole household. Mary answered.
“Hello.”
“Hey, Mary, it’s David.”
“David, what can I do for you? Tracy isn’t here right now. Actually, I thought she was with you.”
“I need to talk to you.”
I took the better part of five minutes telling her what had happened. After she got the idea, she stopped me and had Tom pick up another phone. They listened to my full story before they asked any questions. The first one surprised me.
“Are you sure you’re okay?” Tom asked. “That was probably the worst way I could imagine her delivering the news.”
“I really don’t know. There hasn’t been time for it to sink in. I’m sure at some point I’ll find a corner and curl up into a tight ball. Tracy could have been the one. She and I fit. I understand we’re young and the odds are against us, but I was happy when I was spending time with her.”
“You don’t know how happy Tom and I were that the two of you were together. I’m not sure what happened, but that jerk Bill did something terrible to our little girl. She lost her innocence. That’s a terrible thing for a parent to know,” Mary said, sounding sad.
“I’m worried about her. I’ve known for a while something was wrong, but I didn’t want to admit it. Have you thought of maybe having her talk to a professional?”
I heard Tom sigh.
“We’ve been dancing around this for too long. Mary and I will sit down with her and figure out what to do.”
“Okay. Just let me know if there’s anything you or Tracy need.”
“We will.”
“I have to go. I’ll talk to you later in the week.”
After I hung up, I felt better. At this point I’d done everything I could to help Tracy. Now I had to focus on the girl who actually wanted me in her life. I said my goodbyes to the guys and went to find Cindy.
She was surrounded by my friends: Lily, Beth, Peggy and Suzanne. I was surprised that Tracy’s cheerleading friends, Mona, Sammie and Kim, were there also. I thought about it for a second. The JV cheerleaders obviously knew Beth and Suzanne. They also knew me and I considered them all friends. I would have thought they’d all be with Tracy, since she seemed to be the leader of their group. I’d have to ask Cindy about that later.
Cindy smiled at me.
“Hey, I called Greg. I didn’t want him to hear about it from anyone else. I think he’s happier than I am.”
“Thanks, I was dreading that conversation.”
Mona came up and gave me a hug.
“Are you okay, David?”
“Thanks, Mona. You’re a good friend. With you all at my side, I’ll be fine.”
Kim shook her head and looked at her shoes.
“We had no idea she would do that. I can’t believe she’d try to hurt you so bad. She really doesn’t know how lucky she was to have you. We hope you don’t think any of us would be a part of what happened.”
I hugged both Kim and Sammie. I pulled the three JV cheerleaders into a tight huddle.
“Listen, I don’t hold any of you responsible for today.” I looked each of them in the eye and I could see them relax. Beth winked at me over Kim’s shoulder. “I’ve gotten to know the three of you over the last few weeks and I like each one of you. You’re all great girls. Tracy’s lucky to have you as friends. Today wasn’t the Tracy we all know. Either something’s wrong, or she has a good reason for what she did. It’s important that the three of you are there for her.”
Sammie gave me a measured look. Of all the girls there, she was the one I knew the least well, so I was surprised when she took me to task.
“Look, we all know you’re not okay. You have to stop thinking about everyone else all the time. This is typical David behavior. Your natural instinct is to bend over backwards and accommodate everyone else, even to your own detriment. It makes you the perfect boyfriend, but if you keep this up you’ll never really be happy. You have to take control of your life and do what’s best for you. We know you have it in you. You wouldn’t be a very good leader on the football field if you weren’t selfish,” Sammie said, as I gave her a look.
“That sounded worse than it is. Everyone needs to be selfish at times. If all you did is do what’s best for everyone else, you’ll never be truly happy yourself. Let me put it this way. What would be best for Luke? Letting him run the ball a lot more?”
I nodded my agreement to her statement.
“So why do you pass the ball? Is it so Bill’s a star?”
I shook my head no.
“Are you doing it because you think it’s best for the team?” Sammie asked.
“I guess that’s it,” I answered thoughtfully.
“I disagree,” Sammie stated, confusing the hell out of me.
“You’re more competitive than anyone I know. I watch the games, and I see you go into some kind of trance. When we see it, we know you’re taking over the game. We can see you’re not thinking about anyone’s feelings. You’re focused on winning. That’s all you care about, and that’s a selfish emotion. You need to understand that selfish does not always equal bad. There are times when you need to be selfish in your personal life for you to be truly happy.”
“But I want what’s best for my friends. I want to see you become the best version of you that you can be. And if I can help in some way, I want to help you,” I defended myself.
She waved her hand indicating all the girls.
“We all know that, and that’s one of the reasons we all like you so much. But we’d all like you even more if you were selfish now and then,” Sammie said.
I was still not following her, and she sighed. She could see I didn’t understand.
“Okay, selfish may not be the right term. I think you’re hung up on the implication that being selfish means to do something at the expense of another. That’s not what I mean. I think it’d be better to say you need to look out for your own self-interest. David, let me give you an example you might understand: how do you feel when you’re helping one of us?” Sammie asked.
“It makes me feel useful. I love seeing you all happy.”
“Then why won’t you let us do that for you? Don’t you think I’d find enjoyment in helping you through the pain you must be feeling? It breaks my heart to know that you’re torn apart inside, and you won’t even allow me to comfort you. We all are so sad about what occurred, but we’re trying to keep a happy face on because you’re acting like nothing happened,” she said, and let her emotion show.
That rocked me. I had pushed my feelings down so hard I was afraid to let them out, and I cracked. It was like a giant spring suddenly unwound and I nearly collapsed. Sammie steadied me and I started to shake a little. I found myself biting my lower lip as I tried not become overwhelmed. I found myself in the middle of a giant group hug. How could Tracy have done what she did? I could make all the excuses in the world about us not actually going together, but let’s face it: in my mind, we were; and to be honest, she thought so too.
I could also make excuses that this wasn’t in her nature, but it obviously was, or how else could she publicly disrespect me like this? Why did I feel the need to comfort and protect her? We had agreed beforehand how the auction would go. She set me up to crush me in public. I couldn’t wrap my mind around anyone being that cold and calculating. How had I missed it? She had gotten into my heart. With that insight, I started to get mad.