Then we had one of my least-favorite services. Every year we have people come in who want to raise funds for missionary work. They prayed with the meaningless platitude, ‘God will provide.’ I just want to smack people when they say that. God doesn’t hand out blessings out of the sky for things like this. He works through people. Ever think that just maybe that’s why he said he would help those that help themselves? How about just doing something like, geez, I don’t know, maybe get a job! God is not all about handouts just because you say ‘God will provide.’
ON THE WAY HOME FROM church Mom, dropped me off at Tracy’s house. This wasn’t a conversation I looked forward to at all. Dad had always quoted Shakespeare to me when I had a hard decision to make: ‘To thine own self be true.’ He explained that Shakespeare tried to tell us that you have to look within when you made a decision. You had to live with those decisions. So basically, you had to do what was right in your heart. You didn’t make decisions based on what other people thought.
My heart told me that I still loved Tracy, but for now, we couldn’t be a couple. It had been all I could do not to make a huge scene at the auction. I still couldn’t fathom how she could dump me in such a public way. If it hadn’t been for my friends, I would’ve either done something stupid, or curled up into a ball. I gathered my thoughts, took a deep breath, and rang the doorbell.
Tracy opened the door and we both just stared at each other. The bruises on her face looked worse than they did last night. We just looked at each other and didn’t say anything until Tracy’s mom, Mary, came to the door.
“David, come on in. Lunch is almost ready.”
Tracy stepped out of the way and I followed her mom to the eat-in kitchen area where lunch would be served. Mary was an excellent cook and she had a spread that had my mouth watering. She’d made a platter of fried chicken that was enough to feed ten people; homemade biscuits; mashed potatoes and pepper gravy; and green beans. Tom came in and we all sat down to eat.
Tom and Mary carried the conversation through lunch. Tracy and I were quiet. I couldn’t tell you what was talked about. We kept glancing at each other and we were both nervous. The sad part was I didn’t get to enjoy Mary’s cooking. I barely touched it, I was so wrapped up in what I would say to Tracy. On the ride over, I had a whole speech planned, but for the life of me, I couldn’t remember a word of it. Thankfully, lunch ended and Tracy grabbed my hand and led me to her room.
She had me sit on the edge of her queen-size bed and she quietly shut the door. She seemed to gather herself and then she turned to face me. I could see she was fighting not to cry. Her lower lip quivered and I could see the tears start to well up. My heart broke to see her in pain. I opened my arms and the next thing I knew she was in my arms, seated on my lap, crying. I couldn’t help myself and I joined her. The raw emotions seemed to pour out of each of us.
"We need to talk," I told her.
She took a deep breath and calmed herself.
“I don’t know what to say.”
“Why don’t we start with why? We’d agreed you’d bid on me.” I said, and I bit my tongue not to say more.
“No,” she said through tears. She got up and went to her desk. She had a copy of the Saturday paper with our picture and she handed it to me. I looked at it and looked back at her in confusion. “We agreed that we were not together.”
I looked at the picture again and read the headline ‘David Dawson and girlfriend Tracy Dole.’ Then it dawned on me: they had called her my girlfriend. My first reaction wasn’t good. How was I supposed to control what the press said?
“Seriously?” I barked.
I saw her nostrils flair. That was a sure sign she was angry.
“You don’t get it, do you? I’m not your girlfriend,” she said with some heat.
“Well, you made that clear at the auction. I can’t believe you’d do something like that,” I shot back.
I don’t think she’d ever seen me mad. I could tell she was shocked.
“David, I couldn’t bid on you. I didn’t want people to get the wrong idea.”
“Are you off your frickin’ rocker?” I felt myself losing control. “Instead of talking to me, you humiliate me in front of hundreds of people. I thought we were a team. A team works together. They don’t turn on each other. I trusted you.”
Then it hit me. I didn’t trust her. That was what had been eating at me for the last several weeks, trust. In a relationship, if you don’t trust each other, then it’s only a matter of time before the relationship falls apart. I knew in that moment of clarity that I couldn’t have her involved in any important parts of my life. I felt the anger drain from me.
They say that the opposite of love is not hate, but indifference. You have to care about someone to get truly angry with them. I realized that without trust we were done. There was no need to be mad at her. She had dumped me over a stupid caption in a newspaper. I took a deep breath.
“Tracy, you’re right, we’re not together,” I said in a quiet voice with no emotions.
I could see the relief and then the confusion on her face. She hadn’t expected me to react that way.
“Oh, okay.”
“I just have one question: how do I get the recruiting and press requests switched over to me?”
“Lily would need to change the website.”
I moved her off my lap, got up, and started towards the door. It dawned on her what I had just asked.
“Wait, that’s my job, I handle all that for you. We don’t have to be together for me to take care of that for you.”
I could see that panic in her eyes. This was a part of our relationship she loved, but I couldn’t have her taking care of something so important if I didn’t trust her. I just shook my head no. Tracy flopped back on her bed and started to sob. I walked out of her bedroom and closed the door behind me. Mary met me at the foot of the stairs.
“What happened?”
I didn’t want to tell her I no longer trusted her daughter, so I told her another truth.
“Tracy and I are not together. She’s pretty shook up.”
She squeezed me shoulder.
“Tom and I were pretty sure that was going to happen. I hope you know Tom and I like you more than just as Tracy’s boyfriend. We’ve become your friends. We know you’ve always had Tracy’s best interest at heart. If there’s ever anything we can do, please call us.”
I smiled. I liked them both, and through their help, many good things had happened. As far as football stuff went, I looked for their help even before talking to my own parents. I didn’t want to lose that.
“Mary, can I talk to you and Tom for a moment?”
“Sure, he’s in his office. Let’s go talk in there.”
We went in and Tom was busy reading a report. When he saw us, he knew my talk with Tracy hadn’t gone well, just from our body language.
“I was afraid your talk wasn’t going to end well.”
“You’re right, it didn’t.” I took a moment to gather my thoughts. “I need your advice.”
They both looked at me and Tom laughed.
“I wasn’t expecting that.”
“Mary reminded me of something: I’ve become friends with you guys. I rely on you to give me guidance. With my relationship with Tracy over, I’m hoping that we can still be friends.”
Tom didn’t hesitate.
“Tracy is very important to us, obviously, but you didn’t hurt her, and it took real guts to come here today and talk to her. Mary and I do like you, David.”
“Well, my dilemma is that I’m buried in football. Tracy was helping with keeping track of my schedule and taking care of my recruiting and media requests. Last week alone she took something like 35 calls that, frankly, I don’t have the time to handle. Tracy said she’d continue to help, but I think we can agree that she needs to focus on herself for a while.”