“I always use a condom. I just…” He let out a soft laugh. “Hell…”
“It’s all right.” I threaded my fingers through the hair curling against the nape of his neck. “I’m on the pill,” I reminded him. “You could’ve…you know.”
His lips brushed the side of my face. “I remembered, but I’m so used to wearing a condom. Kind of a hard habit to break.” He leaned back, clearing his throat. “Not that I’m trying to break that habit or anything.”
My lips parted, but my mouth was suddenly dry. What had he meant by that? Was he not planning to break the habit because he was still planning on sleeping around? I closed my eyes, mentally stringing together a redneck’s vocabulary of cuss words. He didn’t mean anything by that other than he wasn’t making a habit of not wearing a condom. That was all.
I hoped.
But what if nothing changed once we left here?
God, I couldn’t…
I tried to push the troubling idea away, but it settled in my belly like week-old food. We needed to talk, but every time I opened my mouth, nothing came out. I didn’t know what to say or how to start this conversation. Excuse me, do you plan on being a man-whore still? Yeah, that wouldn’t come out right. Even though Kyler had told me I deserved more than a hookup, I hadn’t asked for more, and he hadn’t offered.
We really needed to talk.
Opening my eyes, I tilted my head back. Kyler was watching me with a slight smile on his face. He looked so… so relaxed. More so than I’d ever seen him before, and now would be the perfect time to say something.
“I need to shower,” was what came out of my mouth.
Kyler’s gaze dropped to my belly. “Yeah, sorry about that. I made a mess of you.”
That was so not what I wanted to say. My cheeks burned, especially when his grin spread. “It’s alright. I mean, sex can be messy sometimes and these things happen and…I really need to stop talking.”
Kyler chuckled deeply and then he kissed the tip of my nose. “Have I told you how adorable you are?”
Adorable? I’d been aiming for sexy or hot. I shrugged one shoulder.
“You’re fucking adorable.” Dipping his head further, he kissed me. It was quick and soft, but it curled my toes nonetheless. “I think we both need a shower. It’s going to be cold, though.”
Remembering the icy drenching I’d gotten when the generator had gone off, I winced. “Yikes.”
“I guess it depends on how badly you want to shower.”
I considered it and decided I wanted a shower that badly. Sighing, I wiggled free and sat up. Grabbing for the blanket, I held it to my bare chest. The flames were low in the fireplace, almost out. I listened for a moment and realized I didn’t hear the wind. My gaze went to the thin slit in the curtains and I wasn’t sure if I should be happy or sad about the fact the blizzard was over.
Kyler’s lips brushed my bare shoulder, and I turned my head toward him. His hair flopped over his forehead, a complete mess. My heart tumbled over when he gave me his lopsided grin. “Shower?”
“Yeah,” I said.
“Together?”
Heat pooled in my lower stomach. “Yeah?”
That boyish grin turned wicked. “Maybe we won’t even notice the water is cold.”
A minute later, we noticed that the water was ice-cold. No amount of sexy Kyler nakedness could change that fact.
“Holy shit,” he said, dunking his head under the stream of water. “Holy shit balls.”
I laughed as I hobbled in front of him, arms wrapped around myself. He was taking the brunt of the icy deluge and I was just getting sprayed every few seconds by it. Little bumps covered every square inch of my flesh, and as crazy as it was, I was freezing but I was also oh-so hot.
Kyler had lathered up, and soapy suds traveled down that impeccable stomach of his, following the ropey muscles and disappearing between his legs. I couldn’t stop staring. It was embarrassing. It was thrilling. He turned at some point, and I was staring at the tattoo down his spine. What language was it in? Then he faced me again.
“Okay,” he breathed, shaking his head. “You ready for this?”
I dragged my eyes up and nodded. “Not really.”
“I’ll try to make it as fast and painless as possible.” He wrapped his arms around me and pulled me up against the front of his body. His skin was warm in some areas, cold in others, and I knew he could feel how hard my nipples were against his chest. I wasn’t sure if it had to do with the cold or Kyler.
Mostly Kyler.
“Get ready,” he murmured, turning slowly.
I jumped as the water hit my back, almost climbing straight up him. Keeping an arm around me, he grabbed the soap. My teeth chattered as he helped wash me. I couldn’t stay still, and all the movement was not lost on Kyler. I could feel him thickening against my belly. His chest was rising and falling pretty fast and even though my skin felt like an ice cube, heat simmered in my veins. When his hand slipped between my thighs, I bit down on my lip. He really took his time there.
It was the coldest and hottest shower I’d ever had.
Afterward, he wrapped me in a fluffy towel and plopped me down in front of the dying fire. He changed quickly and went into the garage, bringing back wood. Once he had the fire crackling again, he turned to me. Tension had seeped into him after the shower. He hadn’t said much and when he looked at me, his eyes were as dark as shards of obsidian.
I squirmed, uneasy.
“I’m going to head down to the lodge and see if they know anything about the main roads.” He crouched in front of me, his damp hair curling around his ears. “I shouldn’t be long. Okay?”
I nodded, already starting to stand. “I can go with you. Just let me—”
“You should stay here.” He put his hands on my shoulders, gently pushing me down. “And stay warm. It’s not snowing anymore, but it’s way below freezing out there. I’ll be back before you even realize I’m gone.”
I felt like he was already gone.
But I said nothing as I watched him bundle up like he was going snowboarding. He didn’t kiss me before he left, and even though I was sitting in front of the roaring fire, I felt inexplicably cold.
Kyler stopped at the door leading to the basement, sliding his cell into his jacket pocket. “Don’t go outside while I’m gone. Okay? I know nothing has happened since the generator, but I don’t want to risk it.”
“All right.” I twisted toward him, wanting to say something—anything—but the ability to form sentences was completely gone.
He turned and stopped once more. Looking back at me, he opened his mouth, but then he gave a little shake of his head and disappeared downstairs.
I don’t know how long I sat there staring at where he’d stood, telling myself not to overreact, but I was, like, the queen of overreacting. I should have had a crown for it. In the short period of time between when he left and I heard the snowmobile fire up outside, I’d already wanted to punch myself several times for not talking to him about everything.
I realized then that I really didn’t have my shit together like I’d previously thought. I was twenty-one years old and I couldn’t have a serious, heart to heart conversation with Kyler and speak the truth. If that was the case, then I probably shouldn’t be having sex with him.
I needed to grow up.
Telling myself that it would be the first thing I did when he got back, I stood and hurried upstairs to get clean clothes. Once I was changed, I tugged my boots on over my jeans and sat on the couch, tapping my fingers off my knees.
Okay. Maybe the first thing I would do when he returned wouldn’t be jumping on him about our questionable relationship status. I’d let him tell me about the roads first, and then we were going to talk.
Unable to sit, I left in search of my cell phone. It was still in the bowl of rice in the kitchen. Taking it out, I brushed off the rice and put the thing back together with high hopes. It powered on, but the screen was nothing more than pretty waves of green and blue.