‘Your mother was very sick at the time.’
‘Yeah, I know. I’ve heard people say that many times.’ Willis shook her head. ‘Bella has a long-term plan to get out. She needs motivation.’ She took a drink of her hot chocolate. She couldn’t make eye contact with the doctor for a minute.
‘Then it seems you are the one to make all the choices,’ Dr Reese said, and, for the first time, Willis saw a softness in her eyes. ‘I know that your mother has had a terrible effect on you. I can see it in you. I know that Bella is manipulative and dangerous. I cannot say to you that she has no hope of ever getting out of Rampton because there are systems in place that would allow her to, if she was judged not to be a risk to herself or others. But… if it was me… I might take this chance of a new relationship with your father and I might choose not to share it. If, however, you do and he intends to visit your mother then I am very happy to work with him and you towards the best treatment for her.’
Willis nodded; she cupped her hands around the hot chocolate and stared straight ahead.
‘Now we have to go and see your mother.’ Dr Reese stood. ‘I’ll leave it to you to decide what you want to do.’
Bella seemed to be asleep as Willis opened the door to the side ward. There were just the two beds. The pregnant woman was still opposite – she spoke as Willis got level with her.
‘Please, I’m begging you – I can’t take it any more – Shut that bitch up. She keeps saying my baby is rotting inside me. She keeps telling me it’s dying. Make her shut up.’
Bella smiled as she lifted her head to laugh at the pregnant woman.
‘You’ll die in labour.’
‘Evil BITCH…’ the pregnant woman screamed across.
Bella laughed softly. She looked up as Willis approached.
‘Morning, Ebony, my baby.’
‘What is all that about?’ Willis gestured towards the woman opposite, who had turned her back to them and started crying. ‘Leave that woman alone to mind her own business, Bella; otherwise you will be in trouble.’
‘Don’t you dare side with her. You have no idea what she says to me when no one is listening. She’s not fit to be a mother.’
‘Bella. That’s enough.’
‘Sorry, Ebony. You are all I have in the world. It isn’t fair. It is you who have committed a terrible crime. I feel such a weight of remorse for leaving you in foster homes, in care homes for your childhood while they sorted out my medication. I feel such a sense of loss that it’s unbearable. You can make it right between us.’
‘The care homes were wonderful. My time in foster care was one of the best childhood memories I have. To have someone look after me for a change, to have unconditional love, warmth, respect even. To have people tell you that you are in charge of your own destiny – I look back at those times with such gratitude.’
‘But not the times with me?’
‘No.’
‘No happy memories?’
‘Not many.’
‘Any?’
‘There was always a price for those times. There were the highs followed by lows.’
‘That’s my illness.’
‘An illness that you managed to disguise very well when you wanted something.’
‘I did not.’
‘When you wanted me back, when you wanted a new flat to live in, a new start.’
‘I loved you.’
‘No, Bella, your love is all centred on yourself.’ Bella was breathing hard. ‘Do you want me to get the nurse?’
‘What for? You want me dead.’
‘I don’t, Bella, but I want you somewhere where you can be looked after. You wanted to show me a photo of my dad?’
‘Go around to my locker now – there’s a large brown envelope. Get it out. You will see – we can be a family again. You find him, you tell him I always loved him and no one else and you bring him home, Ebony.’ She didn’t speak as Willis did as she was told. Willis opened the top of the envelope and peeked inside. There were three photos.
‘Bring them round here.’
Willis went around the bottom of the bed.
There was movement opposite them and Willis looked across at the pregnant woman. She was trying to sit up, straining to see what she had in her hand.
‘Ignore her…’ Bella hissed. ‘Ugly fat bitch.’ She looked at the envelope in Willis’s hands. ‘Open it. I want to see your face.’
Willis slid them out and stood looking at the photo of a good-looking young man with his arm over Bella’s shoulder. Ebony had to admit that they were a beautiful couple. His vest shirt was pure ’80s. Her mother had short spiky hair, heavily made-up eyes. She had on a hessian crop top and MC Hammer trousers.
‘Why did you get pregnant?’
‘I didn’t mean to. Complete accident. I forgot to take my Pill. Funny that – I seem to have my whole life dictated to me by whether I remember to take medication or not.’
‘Did he ever see me?’
‘No. I left him as soon as I found out and decided to keep you. I didn’t want to be with anyone.’
‘Why did you keep me?’ she asked.
‘I thought it would make me happy.’
‘Did you ever consider my feelings?’
‘Of course. I thought about you all the time. I had to change my whole life to look after you and you were not worth it. You scared away the only decent men I could meet. You never smiled at anyone.’
‘Sorry I was a disappointment.’
‘Yes, you were. I thought you would be a girly girl but you didn’t have hair I could do anything with. You didn’t have a face that could be prettied up,’ said Bella.
Willis almost smiled as she shook her head sadly. Her mother’s brutal honesty was finally being unleashed. All the years, Willis had known that her mother thought it, and now she had said it – Ebony hadn’t been worth the effort.
‘No, Ebony, please, you know I don’t mean that. I regretted leaving you with the social workers. I should never have let them take you from me.’
‘Those were my happiest times.’
‘When?’
‘When I was with foster parents. In the kids’ home. I felt safe. I felt loved. I didn’t feel judged on my looks.’ Willis had heard enough. She was anxious to leave.
‘Will you trace him for me?’ Bella asked.
‘I’ll try. But he may not even be alive. He may want nothing to do with either of us.’
‘Yes, but if we don’t ask we’ll never know. There you go again, always Miss Negative.’
‘What are you really hoping to gain by this, Bella?’ asked Willis.
She watched her mother’s expressions change as Bella thought about the answer she wanted to give – as she thought through the consequences of speaking her thoughts out loud.
‘I told you I want to see him before I die.’
‘Yeah, I might believe that one, except you’re not dying and you are rubbish at making a good job of suicide.’
‘I will die some day and I want to make peace,’ Bella said.
‘No. That’s not it. Try again.’
‘I want to see if there’s any spark left.’
‘Getting warmer. What good would it do?’
‘It would give me hope. It would mean I would try my hardest to be a model patient and get out.’
‘No, Bella. You are better off like this. I won’t help you with that.’
‘I would accept any treatment they wanted to give me if it meant I was cured. You could make sure of it.’
‘Don’t get your hopes up – you were convicted of murder and sentenced to stay here indefinitely,’ Willis reminded her.
‘But – there are court cases coming up, challenging that ruling. The European Parliament. They might order a review of that.’
‘Not likely to change anything for you.’