This wasn't happening.
Darcy regretted last night?
He regretted the sex we shared?
He regretted me?
"Neala?"
I choked back a sob, but could do nothing about the tears that freely streamed down my face.
"Leave me alone, Darcy. Please," I said through my tears.
He was as silent as a mouse because I didn't hear him come into the room after me.
"I didn't mean what I said."
I sat on the side of his bed and reached down for my clothing. I didn't have my knickers, they were in Darcy's kitchen bin, so I grabbed my shoes and pulled my heels on instead. I stood up and uncaringly dropped the bed sheet from around my body. I wasn't embarrassed, if anything I felt disgusted. Darcy saw every inch of me last night, but he said it was a mistake so it meant nothing to him which meant changing in front of him would also mean nothing to him. I pulled my damp dress over my head and fixed it on my body.
"No," I sniffled, "you did mean it, you just didn't mean for me to hear what you said."
Darcy moved closer to me, I could feel him behind me.
"That's not true, Neala. I said what I did because-"
"I don't care why you said it, I just care that you said it. Last night shouldn't have happened, Darcy," I cut him off as I put on my blazer and turned to face him. "You were right. I did wake up regretting what we did. It was a mistake."
I lied.
I flat out lied through my teeth.
I didn't regret a single second of what Darcy and I shared, but I said I did because I refused to let Darcy know that he just broke my heart for the second time. I wouldn't give him the satisfaction of knowing me pulled one over on me.
"This is the last time I'm allowing you to having the ability to hurt me. I never want to see or speak to you ever again. You're a pathetic coward and if by some chance you even have a heart it's not working, it's frozen solid."
Darcy's face paled and his shoulders slumped.
"Neala... I'm so sorry. I feel horrible. Please."
I walked forward, and just as I was about to pass him by I pressed the doll box against his chest. "This should make you feel better, it's want you wanted after all, right? Well, lucky you, you got want you wanted. You win, Darcy. Congratulations"
Neala: 1 Darcy: 2.
I let go of the box and walked out of Darcy's bedroom then finally, after days of being trapped, I stepped foot out of his house. I made a silent vow to myself that I was never going to return.
"Neala?" Sean said when I clumsily stepped through the deep snow and headed toward him. It was difficult to get my footing with heels on, but I managed it. I doubt I looked like anything except an idiot, but at least I didn't fall.
I refused to look over in Justin's direction as I stumbled my way over to my brother.
"Bring me home. Please," I said as my body trembled.
Sean put his arm around me and quickly ushered me around his truck and into the passenger side. He helped me up into the truck then shut the door. The heat in the truck from Sean's journey up to Darcy's house sent shivers up and down my spine. My skin tingled and the pain that took up residence in my head eased slightly.
Sean shouted something to Justin who nodded his head and tracked his way through the snow and headed into Darcy's house. I looked away when Sean came around to the driver's side of his truck and got in. He started the truck and slowly backed up until he could turn the truck around and get us onto the road leading down the mountain.
I think I managed a minute or two before I burst into tears.
"Baby girl," Sean sighed and reached out with his left hand and rubbed my shoulder.
I lifted my hands to my face and shook my head. "I'm o-okay."
Sean removed his hand from my shoulder and changed the gears on his truck and focused on driving down the slippery mountain roads.
"Did he hurt you?" Sean asked.
I glanced at him through my fingers and noticed his knuckles were gripped onto the steering wheel so tight that they were turning white.
"Not in the way you think," I sniffled and wiped my eyes with my fingers.
Sean glanced at me. "In what way did he hurt you?"
I looked down and shrugged my shoulders. "He said we were a mistake, that we didn't go together. He said he regretted me."
The tears came again when I finished speaking and I hated myself for it. I wanted to be strong, I wanted to say 'fuck Darcy', but my heart hurt so deeply over him, over someone who one week ago I could care less about.
"Is that all he did?" Sean asked, his voice venomous.
I cleared my throat. "Yeah... I mean, when we... had sex... it hurt and I bleed a little, but Darcy said it was normal for me first time."
Things were silent for a moment until Sean growled low, deep in his throat, "I'm gonna fucking kill him!"
I widened my eyes and looked to him.
He was furious.
"Don't. It was c-consensual."
Darcy hurt me, but Sean would kill him if he thought he forced himself on me and that was the furthest thing from the truth. Sean looked to me and softened his eyes before he looked back at the road and narrowed his eyes again.
"If he wasn't going to live up to whatever he made you believe then he should have stayed the fuck away from you. I didn't think you were a virgin. Fuck. A fucking virgin! I'm going to murder the little prick!"
Oh, shite.
"Sean, please," I cried.
My brother muttered curses before he exhale a large breath. "Why don't you want me to hurt him?"
"Because I care about him!" I snapped then sunk low in my seat, hurting over my admission.
I wish I didn't care.
I wish I hated Darcy again. Things were so much easier when I hated him... but I couldn't. I cared about him. I really liked him and I felt sick that he didn't feel the same way.
Sean looked at me with wide eyes. "You care about Darcy?"
"You t-think I would give myself up to someone who I didn't have a-any feelings for?" I asked, annoyed he would think of me in that light.
Sean shook his head. "No, of course not. I know you're not like that, I just mean... Since when do you care about Darcy?"
Since last night.
Well, I had always cared about him, I just didn't realise it until last night.
I wiped my runny nose with some tissues from Sean's glove box. "Things changed between us in his house. We called a truce last night. I thought we even became friends and things would be good between us... but apparently I was wrong after hearing what he said to you and Justin."
Sean cursed some more. I tuned him out because the more I listened to him the more upset I got. I looked out the windows at the snow-covered trees and focused on them as we drove.
I felt sick with myself.
I couldn't believe I acted like a sex deprived manic last night. I practically tore Darcy's clothes from his body and begged him to take me. I was beyond mortified, and I was deeply hurt. I really thought that after last night we would at least be friends. A part of me was expecting us to eventually start up something romantic between us. Even if that never happened I would have been happy to be just friends. He apologised to me and I apologised to him and we realised we were both in the wrong all these years.
So why did he say what he did to Sean and Justin?
Was last night just about him pulling the ultimate prank? Stripping me of my virginity and making me enjoy it in the process?
I was so unsure, and that killed me.