“No, nothing like that.… I just don't like going out.”
“Any particular reason why not? You're allergic to men? … get dizzy in heels? … turn into a vampire after twelve o'clock? … although actually,” she grinned mischievously, “that might be kind of a neat trick on Halloween.”
In the other bed, Tana laughed. “Don't be a jerk. I just don't want to go out, that's all. It's no big deal. You go. Go fall in love with some white guy and drive your parents nuts.” They both laughed at the prospect of that.
“Christ, they'd probably kick me out of school. If old Mrs. Jones had her choice, they'd be fixing me up with Old Sam.” The housemother had several times looked patronizingly at Sharon, and then glanced at Sam, as though there were some kind of kinship between them.
“Does she know who your father is?” Freeman Blake had just won another Pulitzer, and everyone in the country knew his name, whether they had read his books or not.
“I don't think she can read.”
“Give her an autographed book when you come back from the holidays.” Tana grinned and Sharon roared.
“She'd die.…” But it still didn't solve the problem of the Halloween dance. In the end, Sharon went as an excruciatingly sexy black cat, in a black leotard, her warm cocoa face peeking out, her eyes huge, her legs seeming to stretch forever, and after an initial tense moment or two, someone asked her to dance, and she was on the floor all night long. She had a terrific time, although none of the girls talked to her, and Tana was tucked into bed and sound asleep when she got home just after one o'clock. “Tan? … Tana? … Tan … ?” She stirred faintly, lifted her head, and opened one eye with a groan.
“D'ya have a good time?”
“It was great! I danced all night!” She was dying to tell her all about it but Tana had already turned over in bed.
“I'm glad … g'night.…” Sharon watched the other girl's back and wondered again why she hadn't gone, but nothing more was said, and when Sharon tried to bring it up again the next day, it was obvious that Tana didn't want to talk about it. The other girls began going out after that. The phone in the downstairs hall seemed to ring all the time, and only one boy called Sharon Blake. He asked her to a movie and she went, but when they arrived, the ticket taker wouldn't let them in. “This ain't Chicago, friends”—he glared at them as the boy blushed a deep, anguished red—”you're in the South now.” He addressed the young man, “Go home and find yourself a decent girl, son.” Sharon was reassuring when they left.
“I didn't want to see it anyway. Honest, Tom, it's all right.” But the silence was agonizing as he drove her back, and finally when they reached Jasmine House, she turned to him. Her voice was sultry and soft, her eyes kind, her hand like velvet as she touched his. “It really is all right, Tom. I understand. I'm used to this.” She took a deep breath. “That's why I came to Green Hill.” It seemed an odd thing to say and he looked questioningly at her. She was the first black girl he had ever asked out, and he thought her the most exotic creature he had ever seen.
“You came here to be insulted by some turd in a movie house in a one horse town?” He was still burning inside, he was angry for her even if she was not.
“No,” she spoke softly, thinking of her mother's words, “I came here to change things, I guess. It starts like this, and it goes on for a long time, and eventually no one gives a damn, black girls and white guys go to movies, ride in cars, walk down streets, eat hamburgers anywhere they want. It happens in New York. Why shouldn't it happen here? People may look, but at least there they don't throw you out. And the only way to get to that point is to start small, like tonight.” The boy looked at her, suddenly wondering if he'd been used but somehow he didn't think he had. Sharon Blake wasn't like that, and he had already heard who her father was. You had to be impressed by someone like that. And he admired her more after what she had just said. It confused him a little bit, but he knew that there was truth in it.
“I'm sorry we didn't get in. Why don't we try again next week?”
She laughed at that. “I didn't mean that we had to change it all at once.” But she liked his spunk. He was getting the idea, and maybe her mother hadn't been so wrong. Maybe it was all right to serve a cause after all.
“Why not? Sooner or later that guy'll get tired of kicking us out. Hell, we can go to the coffee shop … the restaurant across town.…” The possibilities were limitless and Sharon was laughing at him, as he helped her out of the car and walked her into Jasmine House. She offered him a cup of tea, and they were going to sit in the living room for a while, but the looks they got from the other couples sitting there were so ominous that eventually Sharon got up. She walked him slowly to the door, and for a moment she looked sad. It would have been so much easier at Columbia UCLA … anywhere in the North … anywhere but here.… Tom was quick to sense her mood, and he whispered as he stood in the open door. “Remember … it doesn't happen overnight.” He touched her cheek then and was gone, as she watched him drive away … he was right, of course … it didn't happen overnight.
And as she walked upstairs, she decided that it hadn't been a totally wasted night. She liked Tom, and wondered if he would call her again. He was a good sport.
“Well? Did he propose?” Tana was grinning at her from the bed as Sharon walked in, and groaned.
“Yeah. Twice.”
“That's nice. How was the movie?”
Sharon smiled. “Ask someone else.”
“You didn't go?” She was surprised.
“They didn't let us in … you know … white boy … brown girl … ‘Find yourself a decent girl, son.…’ “ She pretended to laugh but Tana could see the pain in her eyes, and she frowned.
“The shits. What did Tom say?”
“He was nice. We sat downstairs for a while when we got back, but that was even worse. There must be seven Snow Whites sitting downstairs with their Prince Charmings, and all of them had their eyes glued on us.” She sighed and sat down, looking at her friend. “Shit … my mother and her bright ideas … for about a minute outside the movie house I felt very noble and brave and pure, and by the time we got back, I decided it was really a huge pain in the ass. Hell, we can't even go out for a hamburger. I could starve to death in this town.”
“Not if you went out with me, I'll bet.” They hadn't gone out to eat yet, they were too comfortable where they were, and the food was surprisingly good at school. They had both already gained three or four pounds, much to Sharon's chagrin.
“Don't be so sure, Tan. I'll bet they'd raise hell if I tried to go somewhere with you too. Black is black and white is white, no matter how you look at it.”
“Why don't we try?” Tana looked intrigued, and the next night they did. They walked slowly into town, and stopped for a hamburger and the waitress gave them a long, slow, ugly look and then walked away without serving them, as Tana looked at her in shock. She signaled for her again, and the woman appeared not to see, until finally Tana walked over to her, and asked if they could order their dinner now, and the waitress looked at her with chagrin.