The Carlyle was a beautiful hotel, with thickly carpeted steps down to the lobby's marble floor, Persian rugs, antique clocks, handsome paintings on the walls, and gentlemen at the desk in morning coats. It was all from another world, and Tana smiled to herself. This was not her mother's life, it was her own. She was sure of that now. She gave Drew's name, and went upstairs to the room. He had not yet arrived, but they obviously knew him well. The room was as sumptuous as the lobby had promised it would be, with a sweeping view of Central Park, the skyline shimmering like jewels, more antiques, this time upholstered in a deep rose silk, heavy satin drapes, and a magnum of champagne waiting in a bucket of ice, a gift from the management. “Enjoy your stay” were the bellboy's final words, and Tana sat down on the handsome couch, wondering if she should run a bath for herself, or wait. She still wasn't sure if he was bringing the girls, but she thought he was. She didn't want to shock them by being undressed when they came. But an hour later, they had not yet arrived, and it was after ten o'clock when he finally called.
“Tana?”
“No, Sophia Loren.”
He laughed. “I'm disappointed. I like Tana Roberts better than her.”
“Now I know you're crazy, Drew.”
“I am. About you.”
“Where are you?”
There was the briefest pause. “In Washington. Julie has an awful cold, and we thought that Elizabeth might be coming down with the flu. I thought maybe I ought to wait here, and I might not bring them up at all. I'll come up tomorrow, Tan. Is that all right?”
“Sure.” She understood, but she had also noticed the “we” that had snuck in. “We thought that Elizabeth.…” And she wasn't too crazy about that. “The room is fabulous.”
“Aren't they wonderful? Were they nice to you?”
“They sure were.” She looked around the room, “but it's no fun without you, Mr. Lands. Keep that in mind.”
“I'll be there tomorrow. I swear.”
“What time?”
He thought for a minute. “I'll have breakfast with the girls … see how they feel … that should make it ten o'clock. I could catch a noon plane … I'll be at the hotel by two without fail.” That meant half the day was shot, and she wanted to say something about that, but thought wiser of it.
“All right.” But she didn't sound pleased, and when she hung up the phone she had to push her mother's words out of her head again. She took a hot bath, watched television, ordered a cup of hot chocolate from room service, and wondered what he was doing in Washington, and then suddenly she felt guilty for what she hadn't said to him. It wasn't his fault the kids were sick. It was certainly a nuisance for them, but it was no one's fault. She picked up the phone and asked for the hotel where he was staying in Washington, but he wasn't there. She left a message that she had called, watched the late show, and fell asleep with the television still on. She woke up at nine o'clock the next day, and went out to discover that it was an absolutely gorgeous day. She went for a long walk down Fifth Avenue, and over to Bloomingdale's where she puttered for a while and bought a few things for herself, a handsome blue cashmere sweater for him, and gifts for the girls, a doll for Julie and a pretty blouse for Elizabeth, and then she went back to the Car-lyle to wait for him, but there was a message this time. Both the girls were deathly ill, “will arrive Friday night,” which he did not. Julie had a fever of one hundred and five, and Tana spent another night at the Carlyle alone. On Saturday she went to the Metropolitan, and on Saturday afternoon at five o'clock, he arrived finally, in time to make love to her, order room service, apologize to her all night, and take the plane back to San Francisco with her the next day. It had been a great weekend for them in New York.
“Remind me to do that again with you sometime,” she said half sarcastically as they finished dinner on the plane.
“Are you furious with me, Tan?” He had looked miserable ever since he'd arrived in New York, consumed with guilt toward her, worried about the girls, he talked too much, too fast, and he wasn't himself for days.
“No, I'm disappointed more than furious. How was your ex-wife by the way?”
“Fine.” He didn't seem anxious to talk about her and was surprised Tana had asked. It didn't seem an appropriate subject for them, but she was haunted by her mother's words. “What made you ask that?”
“Just curious.” She took a mouthful of the dessert on the tray, looking strangely cool as she glanced at him. “Are you still in love with her?”
“Of course not. That's ridiculous. I haven't been in love with her for years.” He looked downright annoyed and Tana was pleased. Her mother was wrong. As usual. “You may not be aware of it, Tan,” he hesitated, looking pale, “but I happen to be in love with you.” He looked at her for a long time, and she watched his face searchingly. And then at least she smiled, but she said nothing at all. She kissed his lips, put down her fork, and eventually closed her eyes for a nap. There was nothing she wanted to say to him, and he was so oddly uncomfortable. It had been a difficult weekend for both of them.
December flew by, with a series of small cases on Tana's desk, and a number of parties she went to with Drew. He seemed to think nothing of flying up for the night, and sometimes he came just to have dinner with her. They shared delicious tender moments, quiet nights at home, and a kind of intimacy that Tana had never known before. She realized now how lonely she had been for so long. There had been her mad affair with Yael years before, and since then only casual relationships that came and went, without meaning much to her. But everything about Drew Lands was different. He was so sensitive, so intense, so thoughtful in small ways that meant a great deal to her. She felt surrounded and protected and alive, and they laughed most of the time. By the time the holidays came, he was excited about seeing his two little girls again. They were coming out from Washington to spend Christmas with him. He had cancelled his skiing trip to Sugar Bowl with her.
“Will you come down and spend some time with us, Tan?”
She smiled at him; she knew how crazy he was about his kids. “I'll try.” She had a big case coming up, but she was pretty sure it wouldn't actually go to trial for a while. “I think I can.”
“Do your best. You could come down on the twenty-sixth, and we could spend a few days in Malibu.” He was renting a little weekend place there, but she was not surprised by that so much as by the date he had said … the twenty-sixth … she realized then that he wanted to be alone with the girls for the holidays. “Will you, Tan?” He sounded like a little kid and she hugged him tight and laughed at him.
“Okay, okay, I'll come down. What do you think the girls would like?”
“You.” They exchanged a smile and he kissed her again.
He spent the week before getting everything ready for them in L.A. Tana was trying to clean up the work on her desk so she could take a few days off from the District Attorney's office, and she had lots of shopping to do. She bought Drew a suede shirt, and a very expensive briefcase that he'd seen and loved, the eau de cologne that he wore, and a wild tie she knew he'd love. And she bought each of the girls a beautiful doll at F.A.O. Schwarz, some stationery, some barrettes, an adorable sweat suit for Elizabeth that looked just like one Tana had, and a rabbit made of real fur for the little one. She wrapped all the gifts, and put them in a suitcase to take to L.A. with her. She hadn't bothered with a tree this year; she didn't really have time and there was no one to see it anyway. She spent Christmas Eve with Harry and Averil and their kids, and it was relaxing just being with them. Harry had never looked better, and Averil looked contented as little Harrison ran around waiting for Santa Claus. They sliced carrots for the reindeer, put chocolate chip cookies out, a big glass of milk, and finally got him into bed. His sister was already asleep, and when he finally fell asleep too, Averil tiptoed into their rooms to look at them with a quiet smile, as Harry watched her go, and Tana watched him. It made her feel good just to see him like that, contented and alive. His life had turned out well, although it certainly wasn't what he had expected to do with his life. He glanced at Tana with a smile, and it was as though they both understood.