I was an idiot.
I knew it even before Jenna shoved me and told me that I was one. She’d witnessed the whole ordeal and was none too impressed with how her twin brother had handled himself.
“She was practically begging for you to kiss her! And you ask for a freaking leaf?” she screeched as soon as I walked into our kitchen.
“It’s a nut,” I informed her.
She rolled her eyes. “No, you’re a nut.” Then she put her hands on her hips. “You’re unbelievable. Unbelievable!”
“What do I do, Jenna? What if she doesn’t like me like that? What if I tell her how I feel and then she says she only sees me as a friend. I’d ruin everything.”
She scoffed. “So you’re an idiot, unbelievable, and blind. What a freaking trifecta. Get a clue, Jer. She likes you likes you.”
“Are you two talking about Sierra?”
I jumped at the sound of Lexi’s voice.
“Yep,” Jenna said. “Numb nuts over here doesn’t think she likes him.”
Lexi let out a loud laugh then slapped her hand on the kitchen counter. “You’re kidding me, right?”
Jenna shook her head.
Lexi sobered a little. “You are a numb nuts.”
“Stop talking about my nuts!” I shouted, stomping out of the room.
The sound of their laughter followed me even as I plopped down on my bed and buried my face in my pillow.
As much as I wanted to deny it, they were right. I wasn’t just an idiot. I was a coward. I wasn’t thinking straight, and I was terrified that everything would change the minute I told her how I felt.
But wasn’t that the point? I didn’t want things to stay the same. I wanted them to change—for the better. And how could that happen if I kept my mouth shut and my feelings hidden away? It couldn’t. So, that night, as I got ready, I listened to the sweet, sappy sounds of Boyz II Men, psyching myself up to tell Sierra the truth. My brilliant plan was to get to the party, make a few rounds, and then drag her behind some sand dune far away from everyone else and ask her to be my girlfriend. Sounded perfect, right?
Well, I thought so.
That was before some junior placed a red Solo cup in Sierra’s hand and pointed her towards the keg. She scurried away from me, filling her cup and finding an empty spot in the sand next to a few of her fellow cheerleaders. I sighed and figured it was my fault anyway.
Four beers later—for her, not me—my plan was annihilated thanks to Danny freaking Moyer. When I’d finally made my way back to Sierra, he was sitting next to her, his arm around her shoulders. Jealousy rose within me at the sight of another guy touching her bare skin. Those shoulders were mine. All of a sudden, fierce possessiveness roared, the urge to lay claim surging through my bloodstream. I didn’t want to share Sierra, and the longer I watched them, the angrier I became. It was only a matter of time until I turned into a roid-raged monster whose adrenaline would’ve torn the arms off even the strongest man. I was about to Hulk out for Sierra. Fuck.
“Banks!” he called as I approached. “Where’ve you been hiding this one?”
Sierra let out a giggle, and then she hiccupped. Shit. I should’ve been watching her more closely. Her experience with alcohol had been fairly limited, and I was worried she’d overdone it.
“He doesn’t hide me,” she slurred, shooting me a glare before plastering a drunken smile on her face. “In fact, he doesn’t do anything with me at all. He’s just my best friend, as he’s always been. Little Sierra Sullivan and little Jeremy Banks. Friends forever.”
If I hadn’t known better, I’d have thought she was being sarcastic. Apparently, drunk Sierra was a grumpy one.
“Little?” Danny smirked, enjoying this way too much for my taste.
Her eyes widened, and she shook her head profusely. “Oh, I don’t mean little! At least, not in that sense. You know, this one time, I walked in on—”
I raced over to her and promptly pulled her to her feet, effectively cutting her off. We were probably ten seconds away from a repeat performance of her stellar “Strokin’.” Fuck. That thought made me half hard.
“Okay, Sierra, I think it’s time to head home.”
She frowned. “What? Why? We just got here.”
I raised an eyebrow. “We’ve been here for over an hour. And you’re going to need to sober up before you go home. Do you want your parents to catch you?”
Her head shook, and she allowed me to take her hand and start leading her away. “No, you’re right. Mom would kill me.” She tilted her head and gave me a drunken smile that looked kind of sad. “You’re so good to me, Jeremy. Always looking out for me. You’re the best.”
That was me. Good ol’ reliable Jeremy. Glancing at my watch, I saw we still had plenty of time. But how could I tell Sierra how I felt now that she wasn’t in the right state of mind?
I couldn’t, and that sucked.
“Hey, Sierra,” Danny called.
She stopped and gazed back at him, her eyes glossy. “Yeah?” The breathy whisper she’d offered him had me gritting my teeth.
“Don’t forget what I said. I’ll see you at the end of the summer.”
She nodded as a shy smile crossed her lips. It was a smile I’d never seen, and I hated it. I wanted to be the only guy to make her smile. It was selfish, but I didn’t care.
I got us a ride from one of the juniors, but instead of having him take us home, I had him drop us off at the gazebo at the end of our neighborhood.
“What are we doing here, Jeremy?” Sierra asked.
“We have a couple of hours until curfew. I thought this would be a good place for you to sober up.”
I went to take her hand, but she either didn’t see me or didn’t want me to as she walked down the wooden planks, took the steps down, and planted her ass in the sand. I followed and sat next to her, staring out at the water.
Silent minutes ticked by. Nothing but the roar of the waves filled the air. My insides were twisting and turning as I tried to find the right words to tell Sierra just how much I was going to miss her. I hated that this was the last night we’d have together before she left town. Before she left me.
“So…” I breathed out, finally mustering up the courage to break the silence.
“So…” she repeated. Her finger was making trails in the sand. In the darkness, I couldn’t make out what she was writing.
“What did Danny mean?”
She looked up suddenly. Her face was showcased in the moonlight, and I was relieved to see that some of the glossiness had faded from her eyes.
“What do you mean?” she asked.
I fidgeted, hating the tightness in my chest. I’d never thought of Sierra with another guy. Hell, I’d never thought of Sierra with any guy. And now…it was painful. It was as if my heart were ballooning until it would inevitably pop and leave me with nothing but the shredded pieces.
“He said to think about what he said. So, what was it? What did he say?”
“Oh, that,” she said, waving me off like it was no big deal. “He asked if he could take me out.”
“Like, on a date?” I asked, the tightness intensifying, making it hard to breathe. “Seriously? He asked you out on a date?”
The incredulity in my voice surprised even me. I watched as the color drained from her face, and the smile faded from her lips. Her eyes blazed with the fury she was about to unleash. She’d completely misinterpreted my question, and before I could explain, she jumped up, kicking sand in my direction.
“Yes! On a date. Is that so hard to believe, Jeremy?! That a guy would actually find me attractive enough to take out?” She pushed her chest out, and my eyes nearly bugged out of my head. “They may not be big, but I do have boobs, you know! Just because you don’t notice them doesn’t mean other guys won’t.”
Before I could answer, she ran up the steps, through the gazebo, and down the wooden planks towards the entrance of the neighborhood. I dashed after her, thankful she hadn’t gotten too far. As soon as I caught up to her, I wrapped my arms around her waist and pulled her back. She flailed her arms and kicked her legs out, but I held on tight.