“I wasn’t going to do anything, baby,” he whispered, his eyes full of worry. “I swear.”
“No, I know,” I rushed out. “It’s just… We were getting really into things and…”
“You’re not ready.” It was a statement, not a question.
Even still, I nodded.
His fingers rubbed my arms as if he were trying to keep me warm. “That’s fine, Sierra. I wasn’t expecting anything. Even though it seemed like I was getting carried away, I’d never lose control like that. Ever. We have all the time in the world to be with each other in that way. I will never pressure you. You know that, right?”
Again, I nodded. “I know, which makes me love you even more. I wish I were ready, Jeremy, but I’m scared.”
“You know what? So am I. It’s a big step, and even though a lot of guys act like it’s nothing, going there with you terrifies me as much as it excites me. I respect you. I respect the hell out of your parents. We can wait. I’d wait forever for you if I had to.”
I sighed, partially hating myself for making him wait. “I know you say that, but it scares me. What if I make you wait too long? I hear the way the other guys talk at school. What if you get tired of waiting for me?”
It was silly. Jeremy wasn’t that type of guy, but I would’ve been lying if I’d said that fear hadn’t been creeping in.
He chuckled and shook his head. “Baby, despite what most women think about the male population, we don’t need to have sex to be fulfilled. Sure, it’s a natural desire, but I’m only ready when you are. I’d never force you to do anything you didn’t want to. Ever.”
I swallowed hard and wished that my body, my mind, and my heart would all align so I could go through with this.
“Okay. I love you, Jeremy. And I appreciate you being so patient with me,” I told him.
“It’s not being patient, babe. It’s not like I’m sitting around, waiting for it to happen. When it happens, it happens. Until then, I’ll keep kissing those pretty lips of yours to my heart’s content.”
“That sounds perfect,” I whispered, my heart filling with all the love in the world.
His hand cupped my cheek as his thumb stroked my skin. “So, what do you say we sneak into your window and finally watch the Dawson’s Creek finale?”
“Why would we sneak in the window? No one’s there but Lexi.”
He grinned down at me. “Because I want to spend all night sleeping next to you, in your bed, and I don’t want your sister to know I’m there.”
I smiled and shifted until I was sitting up, face-to-face with him. Taking his hand, I entwined our fingers and brought them to my chest. “You know, all this time, I thought it was Tod and Copper, Joey and Dawson, Jeremy and Sierra. But I just realized, right here, that I’ve been wrong all along, and I’m switching teams.”
Jeremy frowned as his brow creased. “What do you mean?” he asked.
“I think it’s time I start rooting for Pacey.”
“Pacey?”
I nodded, gazing up into his eyes. “Dawson loved the girl he wanted Joey to be. Pacey loved the woman she was. He never tried to change her or mold her into who he wanted. Dawson did. And, in the end, I don’t know if it was the real Joey Dawson ever wanted. But Pacey did. I see that now.”
Putting so much thought into a fictional television that had more drama than my own high school was silly, but I couldn’t help it. It was the truth.
“So, who does that make me? Pacey?”
I leaned forward and pressed my lips to his, giving him a soft kiss. “No, Jeremy. You’re who you’ve always been and always will be.”
“And who is that?”
“Mine.”
With a low growl, he rose from the blanket and pulled me to my feet. His hand cupped my cheek as he gazed down into my eyes. “I always will be.”
He swept me off my feet and carried me all the way to my house, where we did, indeed, climb through my window. I thought I heard faint sobs coming from Lexi’s room, and though I wanted to go to her, I knew my sister and figured she’d want to be alone.
Instead, I cuddled up in my boyfriend’s arms and watched the season-five finale of Dawson’s Creek, curious as hell as to what would happen.
And you know what? I barely even noticed what happened. I was too focused on Jeremy’s hands running through my hair to care, because whatever happened on screen would never match up to the love I had in my life.
AS I STOOD IN front of Jenna’s full-length mirror, I could hardly believe that this day was here. I was dressed, much to Mom’s chagrin, in my favorite blue-and-khaki board shorts and a T-shirt that said “Pussy Magnet” and was covered with pictures of felines of various size. Yes, you guessed it: Chris got in one last dare before we were high school graduates. When I had walked downstairs that morning, Mom had shaken her head, Jenna had rolled her eyes, and Dad had wondered if the dares were going to stop after high school. The truth was they were. Chris was moving to Orlando with Jenna to go to the University of Central Florida, and I’d be going to school with Sierra.
She thought I was going to Alabama. I’d gotten a small scholarship there for football, but the closer it had come to graduating and leaving, I’d realized that football wasn’t my dream. She was. And the thought of leaving her, even if we’d only be a few hours apart, tore me apart inside. Not for the next four years. Hell, I wouldn’t want to do that for the next four weeks. I just had to tell her.
But first things first. Graduation.
High school had been good and fun, but I was ready to move on to the next chapter of my life. I wasn’t sure what I wanted to major in. I figured I’d determine that when I got to school. All I knew was that I had to start planning for my future, one in which I could take care of Sierra and the family we’d hopefully be blessed with.
It might have seemed too early to be thinking that way, and if it hadn’t been for my dad, I probably wouldn’t have been. But, just a few nights before, he’d sat me down to talk about the future. That was a fun memory.
I’d been lying in my bed, throwing my football up into the air, waiting for Sierra to return from getting a manicure with Jenna. Something about a special occasion, whatever. Dad had walked into the room and closed the door behind. When he’d sat in the chair, I’d immediately known something was up.
“So, Jeremy,” he began. He cleared his throat and then took a sip of whatever was in his glass. Judging by the color, it was probably scotch, so I knew what this conversation was going to be like.
“What’s up, Dad?” I asked, sitting up and giving him my undivided attention.
“I know about your talk with Nick before Prom.”
Well, at least he was laying it all out on the line instead of stammering around the issue this time.
“And?” I asked.
“I just wanted you to know that I’m proud of you. For making good choices and respecting Sierra as a woman,” he said matter-of-factly.
“Thanks?” I replied, not really sure what else to say. It wasn’t that I hadn’t wanted to have sex with Sierra. I had. God, I did. But he was right. I respected her. I’d wait as long as I had to until she was ready.
If only he knew about Jenna. Yikes. I was keeping my mouth shut on that one.
My sister, God love her, was definitely not as virtuous as the male Banks twin. Not that I thought any less of her. She was, as far as I knew, always careful, and Chris loved her. What more could a brother ask for?
“I know how easy it is to give in to peer pressure, and it shows tremendous strength that you’ve been able to wait this long. That is, unless things have changed?” His eyes were questioning as he watched me.
Was he seriously asking me that?