Like I said, G wasn’t cheap. He believed in buying quality shit, and I was so happy when I saw the frosted glass ornaments and handmade balls and bells he had picked out for the tree. At first I was mad that he hadn’t thought about letting me choose what to get, but as usual his taste was good and I knew I couldn’t have picked anything prettier or classier myself.
I was standing back giving Gino directions on where to place the angel when Jimmy walked in.
“Hey. That tree is hot.” He kissed me on the cheek and that’s when I saw the overnight bag he was holding in his hand.
“Where you going?”
“South,” he said.
“ Baltimore?”
“Nah. Jersey. I’ll be back sometime tomorrow.”
This is what it had come to between Jimmy and me. I couldn’t even tell him what to do anymore, and I sure couldn’t forbid him to do anything G had assigned him to do. I knew we hadn’t lost our closeness, but Jimmy had moved beyond my reach and I didn’t like it. If he had been stepping up to manhood in a different way then that would have been cool. But all this drug-running, money-washing shit he was involved in scared me.
And I knew that I had to take some of the blame for what was going on. I had convinced myself that being Granite McKay’s woman was going to set me and my brother up lovely for life, when actually it had made us slaves to his operation. Jimmy wouldn’t even be in this situation if I hadn’t gotten with G and dragged him into G’s world. In trying to take care of my brother I had actually ruined him, and while I didn’t like to even think about it, in my heart I knew this was all my fault.
“Be careful, Jimmy,” was all I could say.
He nodded. “I’m cool, Juicy. I’ma stop and check out Flex for a minute, then I’m out.”
I almost dropped the glass ornament I was holding. “Flex? You hanging out with Flex now?”
“C’mon, Juicy. You know me and Flex go way back. What? You still wondering about that shit with Macaroni? Or since we live in the big house and Fletcher’s still out in the fields he can’t be my man no more?”
I shrugged. “That’s not what I’m saying. I just thought… nothing, Jimmy.”
He reached out and hugged me again. “Stop all that damn worrying all the time. Looking like Grandmother. Ain’t nothing gonna happen to me. I’ma hit the Lower East Side and check out my dawg, then I’m headed south for the night.”
When Jimmy didn’t show up by the next night I started to get scared. I called his cell phone but the answering service picked up, and he hadn’t called the house at all. I walked around the Spot with my chest hurting, I was so worried about him. Everybody else was dancing and fucking and drinking and eating and doing their normal thing, when my world felt like it was spinning out of control and I couldn’t stop it.
I sat at the bar and for the first time I actually considered ordering a drink. My nerves were just that bad. Cooter came down wiping the counter and smiling at me, and for a minute I saw something flicker in his eyes, and then it was gone.
“Y-y-ou want something, J-j-j-uicy? Some s-s-soda? A bottle of w-w-water?”
He’d gotten his stutter back. I shook my head. “Nah. My stomach is too upset to put anything in it. Has Jimmy called?”
Cooter dropped his rag. “N-n-nah. I ain’t h-h-heard from him.”
He bent down and picked up his rag, and as soon as he walked away I snatched up the bar phone and called Gino.
“Gino,” I said quickly. “Jimmy ain’t back yet. I think something mighta happened to him.”
“Why you think that?”
“Because he told me he was staying in Jersey overnight, and then coming right back home.”
“I’m running the card room right now, but did you ask G what time Jimmy was due back?”
I sighed. “No. Not yet. I’ll go ask him now.”
“I don’t know where the fuck your brother is,” G said when I stopped him on his way toward his office. “He shoulda had his ass back here with my package by early this afternoon.”
G was talking bad, but he sure didn’t look concerned.
“Well, do you know if he at least made it down there safe? What if he got into an accident? Or maybe the cops got him? Ain’t there somebody you can call in Jersey to see if they know where he is?”
G unlocked his office door and stepped inside. “If the cops had him he would have called. If he wrecked the car, the cops would have called. Jimmy’s smelling his fuckin nuts, that’s the problem. I thought I could trust him so I let him have a lot of area to move, and now the niggah’s trying to test me.”
I couldn’t believe this shit he was talking.
“G! You know damn well that boy ain’t testing you! Jimmy loves you! He put you over me, and if it ever came down to it he would die for you. How could you even fix your mouth to accuse him of being shady?”
He turned around and stared at me. “Money will do that shit to you. It makes a whole lot of niggahs act shady.” Then he left me standing there in the hall and closed the door in my face.
Now I was really scared, but I didn’t know what to do. Who could I call in Jersey? Nobody. I didn’t know the connect Jimmy was going to meet, and after what had happened to me in Camden, I didn’t wanna know none of those Jersey niggers neither.
I thought about Flex and wondered if Jimmy had told him anything. Other than going over to his territory in Taft projects, I had no way of getting in touch with Flex either.
I went to the coatroom and got my cute little swing coat and put it on. Since all I ever did was run out of the apartment and jump into Pacho’s warm ride, I never bothered with a hat or gloves unless it was way past cold and downright nasty outside. I knew I was gonna freeze like a mother, but I didn’t care. G was talking shit that didn’t make no sense, Gino was too busy to pay me any mind, and my brother was out there somewhere doing who knows what.
I cornered Moonie behind the bar and asked him for fifty dollars. He looked at me like I was crazy, but I think the tears coming out my eyes convinced him that I was desperate. I had never asked Moonie for anything before, and I gave less than a fuck about him running back and telling G, just as long as I had enough to get down to Taft Houses and talk to the man who had been the last person, as far as I knew, to see my baby brother.
Chapter Twenty-Two
There were hardly any cabs running at this time of night, especially in Harlem, but I managed to catch one that had a Black Pearl sign in the front window. It was cold as hell outside, and cute didn’t mean shit as I sat in the back of that taxi shivering and blowing into my bare hands.
“How much do you charge to wait for me?” I asked the driver when we pulled up outside the projects.
“Depends on how long. I gotta make a living, you know.”
Fuck you, I said under my breath. His ass would have charged me tourist rates anyway. Probably ten dollars for every two minutes, and I sure couldn’t afford that.
I paid him and got out the cab in front of the housing office and walked deeper into the projects. Taft wasn’t part of my stomping grounds and I didn’t know too many people over here. I tipped down the walkways in my heels and flimsy coat trying to play it cool and confident like I lived in one of the buildings and wasn’t down for no bullshit.
It was late but you know the freaks come out at night in New York, and corner runners were calling out to me from the doorways offering me crack and blow left and right. I knew my luck was bad when it started to snow. I was all for a white Christmas, but damn! Did it have to start right now? My A-line JuicyOriginal dress only let me move but so fast, and my coat sleeves were too wide to help keep my hands warm.