She handed Gabriel her handkerchief. ‘Wipe your face, big boy. You miss him? He’s not dead, Gabriel darling.’
‘No, he’s living in a bedsit.’
‘It’s not a catastrophe. He was unhappy, your father. He didn’t even know it. Now he’s been made to see its effect on others.’
‘You’ve done him a favour?’ He whispered, ‘It’d be the first.’
‘Don’t mumble. I knew there was something wrong when he stopped hating everything. He didn’t complain about what he watched, ate or heard. He was moving far away from us — or me, at least. Sorry for leaving you with Hannah — as my mother used to say, she’s got a face like a bag of hammers. But I had to get things going. The petrification — that means things staying the same — was killing me. I have my faults, but I haven’t given up.’ She stood up, raised her arms and sat down. ‘Look at me, don’t I have some energy? Even more now, since he’s gone.’
‘Dad could be at work right now.’
‘Work? Gabriel, apart from everything else, it’s Sunday.’
‘He’s started to teach.’
‘Teach, did you say? What sort of teaching is it?’
When he saw she wasn’t about to be sarcastic, Gabriel explained that Dad had been teaching guitar to a boy, who had, in turn, recommended him to another, less spiky, kid whom Dad had enjoyed being with. He had signed up to teach them both for a few weeks. ‘When I’m teaching,’ Dad had said, ‘it’s strange, but I don’t get stuck in one particular state of mind. It shakes me up good.’
Gabriel could see that Mum wanted to talk about Rex, his father — to someone who knew him, who would understand. At the same time, she knew she couldn’t say all she felt.
‘Gabriel, I can imagine him teaching. He’s bad-tempered and testy, your father, and he’d be surprised that his pupils don’t know everything already But he understands music. In certain moods, he likes to … lecture. I haven’t talked to Lester for years, but he was always incredibly alive and energetic. Maybe he’s inspired Dad. It’s obviously done him good.’
In this was some surprising generosity.
Gabriel said, ‘Grandma — Dad’s mum — was a teacher.’
Her face brightened. ‘Oh yes, that’s right. She’d take you to the library.’
‘Didn’t she teach me to read?’
‘Yes, with my help.’
Gabriel said, ‘Dad and I did stuff together, but you were always shouting at him about the sticky patch on the living-room floor.’
‘Weeks it was there, that sticky patch. I kept getting glued to the floor. I thought I’d never move again.’
‘He got discouraged.’ Gabriel had read somewhere that people say this when they are angry: ‘Anyhow, I can’t forgive you for it.’
She was shocked. ‘What made you say that?’
‘Archie.’
‘Archie? You’re talking about your brother now?’
‘Yes.’
She said, ‘My son’s dead. It nearly drove me mad. I was on medication for a long time —’
‘Archie’s almost dead.’
‘Almost! What are you saying? Gabriel —’
‘He’s a part of me. He talks to me.’
‘Archie talks to you? What does he say?’
‘He gives me advice.’
‘That’s odd, seeing as he never became much of a talker. Now you’re saying he’s having conversations. Gabriel you had better watch out — the psychiatrists’ll be round tapping your knees with hammers and asking you your own name. Does your father know anything about this?’
‘No.’
‘I should talk to him about it. Except we’re not talking.’
‘Why don’t you?’
‘I might have to. I can’t believe it. Christ Almighty, what’s happened to you? What a strange little boy you are!’
‘I’m not little any more! You should open your eyes!’
Mum was looking at Gabriel in puzzlement. She snatched back her handkerchief. She said, ‘Oh, you don’t understand how people can make one another crazy. Gabriel, don’t you dare try to make me feel guilty. Parents always feel they fail. It’s a losing game, parenthood. I’m a woman on her own, without a useful husband, trying to make a living for us both! A single mother!’
‘Single mother,’ he imitated her.
‘What do you expect me to do? It’s no party at work!’
‘You have plenty of parties!’
‘And why not?’ She shook herself, flinging off agitation like rainwater. ‘I’ve got to tell you — I’ve been offered a new job …’
‘Really?’
‘By a man called Speedy.’
‘Speedy?’
‘Yes. What’s it to you?’
He said, ‘Strange name.’
‘He’s always in a hurry. I ran into him at a party in the Portobello Road a little while ago. We were friends in the old days. He had a villa near Marrakech where we all stayed. He always wore shiny shirts. Many of the people are dead now, or mad, or have moved to Wales. But Speedy owns hamburger places full of rock and pop stuff. He knows my situation with Dad, and he’s sympathetic. I think he’s going to employ me. At first I’ll do some waitressing. Then he’ll promote me. I’m pretty sure I’ll get to manage one of the places. It’s a good start. What do you say?’
‘Er … I’ll have to think about it.’
‘Why? It’s not a philosophical problem! Aren’t you pleased at my new job?’
He nodded and said, ‘Have you been to this hamburger place?’
‘Oh, I used to go there, only for parties, not for the food, of course. I’d rather eat my feet. But I told you.’ she said impatiently ‘Don’t you listen? I ran into Speedy at a party. I was thinking, too,’ she went on, ‘that we should show Lester’s picture to Speedy.’
‘Lester’s picture?’
‘Yes.’
‘What for?’
‘He might be interested. Anyway, even if we don’t do that, I think we should have it framed. I’m going to see to that next week. Before I start the new job, I thought we might go to Italy.’
‘To see George’s castle?’
‘Yes.’
Gabriel said, ‘I don’t like castles.’
‘Oh, don’t you?’
‘They’re too draughty. I want to work on my film.’
‘Good. You can do it there. Oh, Gabriel, it’ll be wonderful for us to have some sun and sea. It’s been so long since things were good!’
‘I can only work in London. It’s the environment in which I feel most comfortable.’
‘Oh really? You’re a cussed devil. You’ll have to stay with Hannah, then.’
‘I’ll stay with Dad, I think.’
She snorted, ‘He won’t be able to look after you.’
‘I can look after myself.’
I’m not sure that you can, yet, ‘she said.’ But soon you’ll have to. I haven’t been with you much lately, but I’ve been thinking a lot about your future.’
‘Have you?’ he said enthusiastically.
‘I know you love movies and directors and actors and all that —’
‘Yes, yes — I’ve been having so many ideas recently. Have you ever written down your dreams? Maybe one day there’ll be a method for photographing them!’
‘That’ll be interesting,’ she said sarcastically ‘Now, we need to get real, you and I. George has been very helpful on the subject of your career. He is a practising artist, after all. Don’t laugh like that.’
Gabriel murmured, ‘He needs the practice!’
‘Gabriel, you’ve got to learn to listen!’
‘I can listen and talk at the same time.’
‘George lives with the difficulties. He says that the point is to combine what you’re interested in with the ability to make a living for the rest of your life. You could be a show-business lawyer.’ She was looking at him.
‘Sorry?’
She went on, ‘These lawyers deal with creative people. Not only that — they make creative things happen. But they’re never unemployed or out of fashion. They never get bad reviews. I want you to think about it. Meanwhile, I’m going to research a university where you can study Law and carry on with your drama stuff, too, if you still want to do it. Then you’re going to see a lawyer friend of George’s. He’s got money coming out of his ears. He’ll explain it all to you. What’s that funny face for?’