“I see,” Allison said trying to process my answer.
I suddenly felt the urge to be honest with her. She deserved at least some honesty, seeing as though I didn’t have the balls to tell her the real reason I even met her in the first place.
“I have dated a lot of women, Allison, I am not gonna lie. Most of the women I have dated have been about sex and nothing more. I want more than that out of life now.
Karyn was the closest I had come to a serious relationship, but that didn’t hit the mark, not by a long shot.”
“How many women are we talking?” Allison laughed nervously.
I hesitated, but I wanted to be up front.
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“A lot…well into the double digits. But I was protected each and every time, with them, don’t worry. I always used, you know, condoms and get myself checked regularly. I wouldn’t put myself at risk like that or put anyone else at risk. I don’t want that life at all anymore though. I had gotten hurt after a relationship when I was younger and I vowed never to let that happen again. So, I let myself think that sex was all I wanted. But I am realizing more and more lately that it’s not all I want anymore.”
I stared at her trying to give her a sub-liminal message that she was what I wanted.
I couldn’t tell her that yet in so many words.
“What do you want, Cedric?” Her blunt question startled me.
I closed my eyes for a moment, trying to process my answer.
“I want it all. I want to wake up in the morning next to someone who rocks my world in every way. Someone who I am so 334/727
physically attracted to that I can’t keep my hands off her but who at the same time ful-fills me in other ways, emotionally, on a deeper level. I want to be with someone who makes me never want to be with another single soul and someone who makes me want to be a better person.” I want to be with you, but I don’t deserve you.
***
Allison and I spent a couple of hours on her couch, getting to know all that we missed in each other’s lives up until now.
She told me about growing up in the Roslindale section of Boston, how she used to dance and sing in the Boston Latin School show choir and how she almost married her high school boyfriend before realizing he wasn’t the one.
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She opened up to me that her mother came out to her as gay when she was a teenager and that her mother’s longtime partner had died when Allison was only five and that her mother never met anyone else or fell in love after that. She floored me with her openness and she seemed to trust me enough to tell me anything. That warmed my heart and hurt at the same time.
I told her about growing up in Dorchester with my family, showed her my bullet mark from the accidental drive by and we found out that we both used to go to Castle Island a lot as kids.
I told her as much as I could…up until Chicago. That was the point I had to stop or rather skipped right over. She opened up to me about everything and I gave her only half of myself. But it was too soon to tell her everything and I wasn’t ready to lose her just yet.
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As a matter of fact, I couldn’t wait to see her again after my trip and I hadn’t even left her yet.
“It’s 1:00, you better get going if you need to pack,” Allison said.
“Shit. I do.”
I got up and she walked me to the door. I embraced her as hard as I could, pulling her mouth toward mine one last time. I could have stayed here all day, so I had to physically rip myself back with force and step away.
Allison stood in the doorway. “Bye, Cedric.”
I stood staring at her just shaking my head in awe of her beauty. “I can’t wait to take you out Friday night,” I said.
“Me too. Text me when you get there, okay?” she said.
I was touched that she would be worrying about me. I knew I would be thinking about her every second of this trip.
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CHAPTER 19
ALLISON
Smelling him on my shirt for the hundredth time, I tried to imagine that he was still here. I still couldn’t believe everything that had happened in less than twenty-four hours, on Christmas, no less.
I had spent the day cleaning my apartment and doing laundry downstairs in a daze, replaying every moment since he burst through the door and saved me from Nate.
Sitting on the couch, I looked down at the two Alex and Ani charm bracelets that Cedric’s mother had given me for Christmas, admiring them for being the reason that Cedric came to me. Each silver bracelet had a single charm, one saying “Thank You” and 339/727
the other had the Virgin Mary, an ode to both of our Catholic upbringings.
I looked down at my watch. Cedric’s flight was at 6:00, so he should be in ll.A.
sometime before midnight. I wanted to stay up to see if he would text me when he landed. I know that’s lame, but I couldn’t help myself. It was only 11:00, so I decided to watch the Sex and the City marathon to occupy my mind.
As I watched the character Samantha put sushi on all over her body to surprise her boyfriend Smith, my phone chimed and I grabbed it.
Cedric: Just landed. Can’t stop
thinking about you.
My heart fluttered and I typed.
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Allison: Me too. I miss you
already. Get some rest. I know you
must be tired.
Cedric: I am. Will you be
around tomorrow night?
Allison: Yes. What do you have
in mind?
Cedric: I’d like to Skype with
you. Do you have Skype?
Allison: I do. Send me an invite.
My
Skype
name
is:
AllisonAbraham1984
Cedric: Awesome. “See” you to-
morrow night.? Look for me about
10:00 your time. I should be done
with my meetings by then. Good
night.
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Allison: Good night, Cedric.
I put the phone down and sighed. Oh, God…I had it bad for this man.
A few minutes passed and my phone chimed again. My heart melted at the single and last text from Cedric.
Cedric: ?
*** It was a miracle that I was able to stop thinking about him long enough to sleep last night. When my alarm sounded, I jolted out of bed with a newfound zest for life. I hope I wasn’t setting myself up for heartbreak.
Cedric had told me he had been with a lot of women sexually. That sort of intimidates me.
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I told him last night the truth, that I had only been with three men my entire life: my high school boyfriend Trent, my mid-twenties boyfriend Sean…and Nate. But at the same time, I couldn’t wait to experience what every one of Cedric’s women had.
*** “Allison, you look like you have something up your sleeve.” Delores turned to me as she wiped the diner counter.