"You do not understand, wife," Geoffrey placated. "There is no place for love in a warrior's life. Only foolish men allow this feeling to guide them. When I am old and have many sons, then I can allow myself to become-"
"Foolish?" Elizabeth asked. She found her anger gone and suddenly felt like laughing. Poor Geoffrey, she thought with exasperation. He had so much to learn yet! You will love me, husband, else I will throttle you.
"Do not dare to laugh at me when I tell you my feelings." Geoffrey shook his head at how easily she could make him angry.
"I was not laughing," Elizabeth said, trying to sound contrite. "Only smiling."
"Do not correct me," Geoffrey muttered.
A loud knock sounded at the door, and Geoffrey found himself thankful for the interruption. "What is it?" he yelled louder than he had intended.
"Both messengers have returned, my lord," a soldier called to her husband.
Elizabeth frowned, wondering where the messengers came from, but decided, from her husband's sour expression, not to ask him. There were easier, less noisy ways to find out, she thought.
"Geoffrey?" Elizabeth 's voice called him back as he started out the door.
"What is it?" he snapped. His mood was fast becoming furious, and all because she tried to make him reach into his soul and give her words he was not ready to release. In truth, he did not know if they were there, these words of declaration she prodded for. There was a chance that he did not possess them, and that, Geoffrey admitted only to himself, frightened him more than the vulnerability she wanted him to give her. He had never been frightened before. There was much to think over, and the sooner Geoffrey left her presence, the sooner he could confront his confused feelings. He did not like the chaos she paced him through, would not have it. "Our subject is ended, wife, until I decide to speak of it again." He turned again and was out the door before Elizabeth could move.
"Geoffrey!" She yelled his name at the top of her voice, and then covered her mouth with her hands, so that her laughter would not reach him.
Her husband appeared at the doorway, his hands on his hips and a scowl on his face. "What is it?" he roared in a voice that would have knocked a grown man to his knees.
She was totally unintimidated. Well, by God, he would remove that smile from her face and show her fear or…
"You have forgotten your boots, my lord."
Elizabeth laughed the whole time she dressed, stopping several times to wipe the tears from her cheeks. Aye, she loved him, she thought when she regained her control. There was freedom with her new knowledge, and a lightness of spirit. She pictured the expression on his face when he realized he was barefoot, and promptly went into another fit of giggles.
And then she remembered the messengers and decided to find out what they were reporting, where they had come from. She hurried with her hair, brushing it back and free, and smoothed the hem of her new lavender tunic.
As quietly as possible she hurried down the steps but paused at the entrance to the hall when she heard her husband say in an angry voice, "He ignores my summons, does he?"
Elizabeth moved to the wall, else her husband spot her and lower his voice, for her curiosity was great. Who had ignored his command and why? she wondered. Curiosity removed any guilt of the sin of eavesdropping. After all, her husband was yelling loud enough to wake the dead, as was his usual custom, Elizabeth thought.
"I did not speak to him directly, my lord," the messenger said. "One of his men told me that he had locked himself in his room and was mad with grief over the loss of his wife. He also told me that he has refused food and is trying to starve himself to death."
Geoffrey leaned against the hearth, rubbing his chin in thought, but glanced up in time to see a flash of lavender by the edge of the doorway. He waited a moment and, when the spot of material did not move, knew his wife was listening. He smiled and determined to give her something to hear that would irritate her as much as she irritated him by listening to his conversation. Aye, he thought, he was beginning to like these games the two of them played. He cleared his throat and said, "Mad with grief?" His voice was full of disbelief. "No man becomes mad with grief over the loss of a wife. No man! Why, they are too easily replaceable. Now a horse, this is another matter," he added in a loud voice. Elizabeth reacted to his barbs with a gasp of outrage.
Now it was she who stood at the doorway with her hands on her hips and a scowl on her face. "A horse?" she yelled at him across the room. "You would better me with a horse? You dare to-to-"
"Why, Elizabeth, did you chance to overhear?" he asked. His eyes laughed at her discomfort, though his voice was quiet and full of mock surprise. He grinned then, and Elizabeth knew she had been tricked.
"Do you see through walls, husband?" she asked with exasperation. She walked into the hall and came to his side, waiting for his answer.
"It would be well for you to think so," Geoffrey answered. He winked at her, right in front of the messenger, Elizabeth realized, and she found herself blushing at his small show of affection.
"I apologize for the interruption," she said, smiling up at him.
"And?" her husband demanded with one raised eyebrow.
"And for overhearing," she muttered. "Though I will most probably do it again."
"It is undignified," Geoffrey retorted.
"It is that," Elizabeth admitted, "but it is also the only way I can find put what goes on, too," she reasoned. "Where is this messenger from," she asked, "and did I miss the other?"
"You missed the other," Geoffrey advised her, thankful that she did not know he came from Belwain, "and I was now listening to a report concerning your 'crazed' brother-in-law, Rupert." He could not keep the irritation out of his voice.
"Rupert!" Her voice was a whisper of anguish. Oh, poor Rupert. Elizabeth found herself overwhelmed with guilt and shame. She had not given her sister's husband a thought since the tragedy. No, she decided, she had been too wrapped up in her own grief to think of the torment he must be going through. Dear God! How would she feel if she had lost Geoffrey as Rupert had lost his love, his wife! Elizabeth bowed her head and said a silent prayer for her thoughtlessness.
"… and that is all I have to report." The messenger's last words brought her attention back to what was being discussed.
"You have done well," Geoffrey said. "Go and find food and drink now."
The messenger genuflected before Geoffrey and then left the room.
Geoffrey immediately turned to his wife and said, " Elizabeth, tell me what you know of this Rupert."
"I am so ashamed, Geoffrey. I should have gone to him to offer him my comfort. He was my sister's husband and I knew that Margaret and he dealt well with each other, from the way they behaved when they visited us. They were a well-matched couple, my mother used to say."
"But what of Rupert himself?" Geoffrey asked. "What can you tell me about him? Can he really be 'mad with grief,' " he asked. "Is he so weak that he cannot leave his room to see his wife's grave?" There was ridicule in Geoffrey's voice and Elizabeth shook her head, saddened by his questions, his tone.
"You do not understand," she whispered. And now I fully know the difficulty in your nature, she thought. You do not love me, else you would comprehend. A weight, like a stone, lodged against her heart, and Elizabeth turned away from her husband so that he could not see the sorrow in her eyes.