“It was not your fault,” he said.
Dark circles ringed his eyes and I noticed for the first time that Ceff’s normally impeccable clothes were rumpled. My boyfriend had spent the day mourning the death of his ex-wife. No matter what he said, I felt guilty.
“I killed her in cold blood,” I said. “Her death was definitely my fault.”
“She left you no choice,” he said, shaking his head. “If our roles had been reversed, I would have done the same.”
I thought about that. If Melusine had been inches away from killing me, Ceff would have fought to protect me. He wouldn’t have held back. I nodded, accepting his words for truth.
“So we’re okay?” I asked.
“Yes,” he said.
“Are you…okay?” I asked.
“I will be,” he said. “The hardest thing to live with is the guilt. I was angry with Mel for so long, for what she did to our sons. When I woke up and Jinx told me that Melusine was dead, I was…relieved. A part of me is happy that she’s dead, and I feel guilty for that.”
Ceff pulled himself up off the floor and rolled onto one knee beside the bed.
“Promise me one thing,” he said.
I swallowed hard.
“Anything,” I said, nodding once.
“Do not ever keep your feelings hidden from me,” he said. “If you tire of my attentions, send me away. Do not hold your emotions inside where they can fester. That is what Melusine did, for hundreds of years.”
Yeah, and we all know how that ended. Melusine’s jealousy had driven her mad. She’d manipulated Ceff into executing their oldest son for treason and she murdered their youngest son, throwing the tiny infant into a raging fire. When she discovered Ceff had a new girlfriend, Melusine had gone off the deep end again. With the help of my wisp brethren and The Piper, she’d arranged to kidnap and murder over thirty fae children and planned to kill me as well. And if ridding Ceff of his “half-breed distraction” didn’t work to win him back, she intended to kill him too.
I reached down and clasped his hand in my gloved one. I may not have a lot of dating experience, make that none, but I did know that I didn’t want to build a relationship on secrets and deceit. Ceff was asking for honesty, and giving me a way out if the time came that I no longer wanted him.
“I promise,” I said. I raised an eyebrow and smiled. “But I don’t plan on getting sick of you any time soon.”
With Ceff being water fae and me being land fae, we barely saw each other. Ceff had an ocean kingdom to run and I had cases to solve and a proclivity for trouble. We both had busy lives independent from one another. The suggestion that I’d become sick of him seemed almost comical.
“Immortality is a long time,” he said.
I nodded. I knew what I needed to do, what I should have done months ago. I just hoped that my body could take the strain.
I pulled my hand away from Ceff’s and peeled off the leather glove. I took a deep breath and lifted my chin to meet his curious gaze. His eyes were a green so dark they were nearly black and without his glamour the green covered his entire eye, obliterating the human white. I could lose myself in those eyes.
“No secrets,” I said.
I reached out with my bare hand and brushed my fingers along Ceff’s face to cup his cheek. He pulled back, wrinkling his brow.
“Are you certain?” he asked.
“Yes,” I said.
Ceff pressed his face into my palm and I gasped. I saw the execution of his heir, the murder of his infant son, and his torture at the hands of the each uisge. His pain was palpable, bringing tears to sting my eyes and roll down my cheeks, but the visions lacked the hold they once had on my mind. I was no stranger to Ceff’s memories; they were the same terrifying visions I’d received from handling Ceff’s bridle. I had experienced these memories before and lived.
I would survive again.
I rode the visions, each coming faster as my mind recognized the memories and pushed the events away. But the last two visions were new. It takes strong emotion to create a vision and these had both been formed in my presence.
Something fluttered in my chest, but I held on. I wasn’t sure if I’d like seeing myself through Ceff’s eyes, but we had agreed—no secrets.
The first vision was from the night of the winter solstice. It was the first and last time we’d touched. The simple act of holding each other on my lumpy couch had filled Ceff’s immortal heart with a love greater than anything he’d ever felt before. That scared me, just a bit. It also made me smile. The fact that that night had made such an impression told me that what I was doing now was right. I owed it to Ceff and myself.
I’d lived too long behind the walls I’d built to protect my heart. Hiding behind those walls had served me well, but I’d learned a lot about my life recently—my childhood, my parents, my abilities—and I was no longer satisfied to play it safe. Letting Ceff in was one step toward becoming the person I wanted to be.
To hell with the risk.
The final vision followed on the heels of our night of romance. Pain and fear slammed into me and I gasped for air. My mind recoiled from the assault, but I held on tight.
Through Ceff’s eyes, I saw Melusine threatening the children…and me. Melusine’s presence brought the painful memories of his sons’ deaths to the surface, but Ceff gripped his trident and sprung forward. He wouldn’t remain chained by the past. If Melusine could not be stopped peaceably, he’d do what needed to be done.
Ceff drew Melusine away from me and the circle of children, but as he tired their fight returned to where I fought The Piper. Ceff looked at me and his heart filled with love and a fierce protective devotion. He gripped his trident and lunged for a killing blow.
Melusine danced away and swung her tail at his feet. Our fight became a blur of blood and weapons, but I’d learned an important truth. Ceff had been ready and willing to kill Melusine to protect me—just as I had been forced to kill the lamia to save him.
A weight lifted from my shoulders and I blinked rapidly as my vision cleared. I was back in my bed and Ceff’s arms were around me. My hand still rested on his face as he stretched out along my side, body pressed against me. Ceff watched my face intently and I blushed.
“You’re back,” he said. I nodded. “And we are still touching.”
Blood rushed to my face, cheeks burning. If I blushed any harder, I’d probably pass out. Ceff rubbed a finger in circles just below my ear and I forgot all about embarrassment. The heat from my face had shifted lower, much lower.
Though I was still at risk of passing out.
Ceff smiled and I bit my lip. His face was mere inches away and I had no idea what to do. Being inexperienced sucked.
His fingers trailed down my neck to a bruise at my collarbone. I gasped as Ceff leaned in and pressed his lips against the purple skin.
“Does this hurt?” he asked, lifting his eyes to my own.
Ceff stared at me through tousled hair and I struggled to catch my breath. I shook my head and Ceff returned his lips to my collarbone. His kisses were cool and soothing against my heated skin.
Ceff moved lower, leaving my skin tingling as he followed a trail of cuts and bruises along one shoulder and down my arm. When he reached my injured wrist, he blew a kiss along the bandage and lifted my arm. Ceff’s body slid alongside my own moving upward as he raised my arm above my head. He set my wrist gently on a pile of pillows and held it there, fingers gliding down my arm to wrap around my uninjured bicep.
He leaned in and brushed his lips along my jaw. I turned my face toward his, but he grazed my lips with the barest hint of a kiss and smiled.