I smiled up at him and nodded sadly. “Of course we can still be friends, and I care about you too.”
He studied me, and his eyes were so searching, I felt naked. “Thank you,” he said finally. “And, for what it’s worth, you have no idea how much you’ve helped me get through the pain.”
“I’ve helped you?” I asked, obviously surprised.
He nodded and smiled down at me. “Your smile is therapeutic, Peyton.” He reached for my hand and squeezed it. “Actually everything about you is therapeutic.” He took a deep breath and just stared down at both of our hands for a few seconds before he brought his gaze back to my face. “I haven’t been this close to another woman since Lizzie. I don’t even think I’ve actually had fun since she died.” He took another deep breath, and I could see the sheen of unshed tears glistening in his eyes. I felt a lump forming in my throat. “So, yes, bein’ around you is therapy of its own sort,” he finished. “Thank you.”
I didn’t say anything but simply nodded, wishing I didn’t have the feelings I did for this man. Was I in love with him? I wasn’t sure but it wouldn’t have surprised me if I were. Really, it would be very easy to fall in love with Ryan. I took a deep breath and forced myself to concentrate on other topics, topics that didn’t hurt so much. “Do you think there’s a chance that the whole lightbulb thing could have something to do with this house being…haunted?” I asked.
“Maybe,” he said and then shrugged like he wasn’t convinced. “While I definitely don’t discount things that go bump in the night, I think it’s best to first approach everythin’ with scientific reasonin’. If that method fails, then you consider other alternatives, includin’ the unexplainable.”
“Okay, so that’s a no?” I asked, not meaning to sound so disappointed but I was beginning to think scientific reasoning had betrayed me a long time ago—right about the time I’d accepted the fact that ghosts were real. Now there was no room in my life for the scientific process, not when lightbulbs were randomly exploding overhead.
“Peyton, power surges happen,” he started.
“But you said yourself that they are incredibly rare and it’s even rarer still that a power surge would blow out two lightbulbs!” I railed back at him, getting downright frustrated that he was trying to take the cool, level route when everything that had just happened seemed completely counter to anything rational. And, yes, I was also pretty sure that my frustration wasn’t just owing to the lightbulbs blowing out.
Ryan crossed his arms against his chest and smiled at me, like I was a little kid afraid of the dark or the Big Bad Wolf. “What do you want me to say?”
“Nothing,” I answered quickly and realized I was trying to back him into the corner of admitting what I was thinking. Maybe it was just to lend credence to the idea that I wasn’t being completely ridiculous. “It just seems odd to me, that’s all.”
“And odd things happen.”
I simply nodded, but that didn’t mean I was buying any of it. I crossed my arms against my chest and regarded him with frustration. “I know.”
“Peyton,” he started, but I shook my head and interrupted him.
“You’re right, I’m just being silly. Science dictates that a power surge could be responsible.”
“You realize that I’m not fallin’ for that, right?” He chuckled. “Especially with your arms crossed against your chest and your nose in the air?” He shook his head. “That’s the ticked off Peyton right there…”
“I’m not ticked off!” I yelled back at him and suddenly wished I were anywhere but here at the moment. I just felt as if I needed space and time to myself. It was just so difficult to stand here, looking up at him while knowing he didn’t or couldn’t care for me the way I wanted him to. It was almost too much for me to take.
“Really?” he demanded and leaned against the wall as he studied me, looking incredibly sexy with his rakish smirk and the way his eyes lit up.
I cleared my throat. “I’m just…passionate, that’s all.”
“Yes, you are,” he answered without pause.
I didn’t know what to make of his answer so I quickly moved onto my next question so I wouldn’t be plagued by the silence in the room. “So we’re going to go with power surge, right?”
He nodded. “For now. I’m not rulin’ anythin’ out, but that makes the most sense to me.”
It was my turn to nod. “Okay, then power surge it is.” I definitely didn’t sound convinced.
He took a few steps toward me and smiled as he glanced at the darkness outside my window. He pulled the linen curtains to the side and was suddenly bathed in moonlight, looking like some ethereal creature. “I think we’ve both had a long night,” he started as he turned to face me again. He dropped the curtain and approached me, wrapping his arm around me as he led me to the door. “You just need to focus on restin’ and stop thinkin’ about ghosts and goblins.”
“I’ll think about science,” I answered with a smile that I didn’t really feel.
He laughed. “I’ll come by first thing tomorrow and I’ll fix the lightbulb issue. I can even stop and pick up a lightin’ fixture if you trust my taste.”
“Sure, I trust your tastes,” I answered honestly. I didn’t say anything more as I walked alongside him down the hallway that opened into the foyer. He stopped walking when he reached the front door and turned his body to face mine. He put both of his hands on my shoulders and forced me to look up at him. “Peyton, if you’re scared and you don’t want to stay here alone, you can always come and stay with me. You know that.”
“I’m not scared,” I said automatically, although I didn’t believe myself. I wasn’t even sure why I felt the need to pretend that I wasn’t scared—maybe it was due to the fact that I was trying to convince myself that I believed in power surges and science. But, regardless, there was no way I wanted to be around Ryan any longer. I needed to be alone. “I’ll be fine,” I finished.
“I had a really wonderful evenin’ with you,” Ryan continued and smiled down at me so sweetly, I felt my stomach begin to turn to mush.
“I did too,” I answered honestly as I wondered if he would ever be able to move past his grief. The silence echoed between us until it was almost uncomfortable. Ryan cleared his throat and looked decidedly discombobulated as he ran his hand through his hair.
“About earlier,” he started and then cleared his throat again. “I want you to know…”
“It’s okay, Ryan,” I interrupted. “You don’t owe me any explanations. I understand.”
“I know I don’t,” he answered. “But that doesn’t mean I don’t want you to know how much you mean to me.”
“Thanks,” I responded meekly.
He nodded and dropped his attention to my hand, which he held clasped in his. He glanced up at me again and smiled. “Good night, Peyton,” he said as he opened the door and, with a sad smile, closed it behind him.
Drake was definitely ticked off. Again.
As I was beginning to expect, he was pacing back and forth, his hands stuck in the pockets of his police uniform pants. At first he refused to even look at me, let alone speak to me. But after a few minutes whereby I studied my nails distractedly, he cleared his throat and offered me a polished frown. I didn’t say anything but smiled as I sat in one of the club chairs facing the fireplace in “our” bedroom, and simply watched him continue to walk to and from the window. He finally faced me with an air of aggravation.
“Vous devez prendre cela plus au sérieux!” he yelled at me.