My body felt foreign.
“Spread your legs” he grunted.
I obliged, parting them as widely as I possibly could. His firm hold continued to press against my spine. An overwhelming bout of pressure pushed against my slit. A sweet burning ripped through me as he pushed into me from behind. Every inch further made me wince; the pain was only just bearable. My hip bones rubbed vigorously against the table as he continuously pounded into me. Unbearable pressure against my near faded bruise was emanating immense pain which far surpassed the distress of his dick inside of me. This felt like complete torture. Why? It shouldn’t be like this? Should it? I shouldn’t feel like this surely?
He was fucking me hard. No consideration for my needs or pain threshold. His body pounding against mine repetitively, the sensation of his balls slapping against my skin was enough to make me want to vomit. I was so restricted, so confined. My body was unable to move under the pressure of his hold. His voice let out a raging groan filled with radiating pleasure. All I could do was count the minutes until he had finished. I made a few noises and moaned in the right places. I was just grateful that all he could see was the back of my head. Nothing about this felt good. He was like a savage in need of his release.
I cried myself to sleep that night.
Chapter 4
“Morning gorgeous”,
“Morning” I replied,
I felt wrong, wrong was the only word that entered my mind, it was the only simple little word that I could find to describe how I was feeling. The word was not a good enough example to describe the hurt and anguish I really felt inside but it summed it up in the purest simplicity. For me everything about my relationship with Henry was wrong. Over the last six months he had started working more and more, leaving me alone in our oversized home with no job, no life. When Henry did come home for a few days at a time all he usually wanted was a quick fuck. Sex became just that with Henry, simply sex. No love or emotion and I learned to live without it. I didn’t want to feel used and left alone after every session of him pounding against me so I started to ‘not be in the mood’ a lot more. We never had fun together outside of these four walls. I wanted to go out dancing with him and enjoy our relationship, converse, do what normal couples did. But his work ultimately came first. I was aware of that fact when I met him and yet I didn’t think to contemplate what our relationship would ultimately become when he first fired me. Who I would become.
Sunday’s had started to become the most mundane day of my week as it was normally filled with lame attempts to deter Henry from initiating sex. Bombarding myself with washing, cleaning and ironing to make sure my hands were constantly occupied.
“Are you excited about today?” Henry asked nuzzling into my neck.
“Very”. A huge grin spread across my face, it was my sister Alexis’ 21th birthday and she had booked Mahiki for drinks this evening. It was one of the hottest clubs in London. Intimate, on trend with a superb playlist. I loved it there. The best bit was Lucy was going to be there too. I loved Lex implicitly and felt like we were finally having a chance of being sisters again. Mum’s death had affected us both deeply. I held onto my emotions and buried them deep inside of myself, trying to focus on making sure my life did not follow her path. I had bills to pay and Lex to look after. Lex handled her grief differently. She rebelled, fought out and pushed me away. I was the one person who found mum as she laid there completely defenceless, cold. Lex resented me for years for not allowing her to see mum one last time in the mortuary. She was only fifteen when mum passed and I wasn’t prepared to let my little sister’s memory be tainted by seeing her the way she was. Lex will never know, but I wish I had never seen mum the way I found her.
Henry slid out of bed and left the room. I closed my eyes again and thoughts of the tall stranger’s arms encasing me swept across my mind. I felt safe. A huge bang startled me, pulling me from the warmth of my dream.
“Sorry baby, I didn’t mean to wake you, again.”
“That’s ok”, I glanced down and saw his black luggage case at his feet, seemingly heavy and already packed.
“What are you doing?”
“I have got to go away again, sorry darling”. He said it so calmly thinking that this would be the only explanation I would require. Why would I deserve anything more, I am of course only his fiancée. It sounded like a prefabricated response, ready for his mouth to spill to me upon my inquisition.
“Away? But you are coming to Alexis’ party with me? You were just going to go?”
“Sorry baby, I have to go, I have a huge meeting with some suppliers, I would have left a note.”
“Are you kidding me? You only told me last night you could still go with me. How long will you be gone?”
“Fourteen nights”
“Fourteen nights, whoa, this is bullshit Henry, why didn’t you tell me about this?”
“Yes Fourteen nights, it’s a little thing called work Evie, not that you would know what that is. Don’t get on my fucking case”.
A lump mounded in my throat and tears began to fall. I wanted to work, I needed to work, he wouldn’t let me and now that’s my fault?
“Don’t start with the crying bullshit, it won’t work on me, I have to go, I will email you when I arrive”.
I stood up out of bed knowing that I was going to push him too far, but at that moment in time I didn’t care. The aftermath of my outburst was inconsequential at this moment.
“That’s not good enough Henry, you won’t let me work. You can’t just keep disappearing and leaving me here like this.”
With one swift movement I found myself falling backwards onto the bed. The slap of his hand against my cheek left my skin burning. My hands instinctively clutched my throbbing cheek. My tears ground to a halt, stifling my cries. I would not give him the satisfaction of knowing the physical pain he inflicted on me. I wouldn’t be that woman.
Henry bent down kissed me on my forehead and walked out of our room.
“I might recommend you being in a better frame of mind when I return.” He called from the landing.
I brought my knees up to my chest and clung to them, swaying back and forward trying to hold on to all of my raging emotions.
The front door startled me when it slammed shut.
History may well have been repeating itself.
Chapter 5
I picked up my phone and dialled Lucy. I am not sure what I was looking for. Some sort of comfort. A familiar voice. Company.
“Hey Luce”
“Hey honey, what’s up?”
“I am engaged and he has just walked out for a fourteen night meeting away, I don’t even know where he is going”
“Engaged? Are you crazy, I thought you weren’t even sure what you wanted anymore?”
“I know but maybe I am being picky, I mean the grass isn’t always greener I guess.”
“Honey, try and get your head straight and do what feels right, no one will judge you, we all understand that Henry is hard to be with.”
“Okay, I’ll see you tonight though?”
“Of course, do you want me to come over?”
“No I am fine, honestly, just needed to vent, see you tonight.”
“See you then.”
I spent the rest of my day in my studio feeling extremely hurt, the pain seemed to spur on my determination for my canvas and the piece I had been working on for the past three months was suddenly getting nearer to completion. The GooGoo Dolls blared through the speakers. Pain, hurt, emotional turmoil only fuelled on my creativity. Perhaps all of this was for a reason. It allowed me to paint, to feel. I stepped back from it, I was contented. Glancing down at the time I realised it was five. I closed my studio for the night. Tonight I was going to have fun with my friends. I was going to be liberated.