AGENORA: Who cares?
I've got enough to think about. If there's
one thing I don't need, it's your life-story.
TALIPED: I think you're worried that some scrub-girl bore me.
So what? It makes me an even grander guy,
that I began so low and rose so high.
AGENORA: I need an aspirin. Maybe the whole bottle.
Find out your name, and all the pills I've got'll
do no good. I'm going to hang this dress
up on the clothesline now. It looks a mess.
But please, lover, take my advice and flunk
this ID-quiz. 'Cause if you don't, we're sunk. [Exits
COMMITTEE CHAIRMAN: What's eating her? [Aside] As if I didn't know.
TALIPED: Like all administrators' wives, she's so
rank-conscious that she'd probably have the vapors
to see it entered on my ID-papers
that I'm some freshman co-ed's son, who laid
her math professor for a better grade.
But I don't give a flunk. I'm just as great
no matter who my folks were. I can't wait
to learn the Answer! Who cares what it is,
as long as it's the Founder's truth? Gee whiz!
COMMITTEE CHAIRMAN: [Aside]
Prepare yourselves to see things fall to pieces:
The Dean believes his own press releases.
I was by this time entirely involved with Taliped's resolve to learn his identity. I'd finished my popcorn, and began to eat the tasty box as the committee sang a brief and sprightly song of conjecture about Dean Taliped's parentage, coming curiously to a full stop at each line's end, whether the word was complete or not.
Whoopee! Hooray for truth! The un [STROPHE 1
examined life is not
worth living! Truth will make you free!
And other campus mot
toes of that sort. What is a coll [ANTISTROPHE 1
ege for if not to seek
the truth? Hooray for truth! Whoopee!
I'll bet this time next week
end, when the moon's full, we'll be dan [STROPHE 2
cing up in Dean's Ravine,
where Taliped was transferred out
of Cadmus to the Dean
ery of Isthmus, Gosh! We won [ANTISTROPHE 2
der who his mom can be!
No doubt she was a trustee's wife
or some such high-class fe
male whom the passèd Founder Him [STROPHE 3
self knocked up in the grass.
Dean Taliped's the Founder's son:
a most uncommon bas
tard! [ANTISTROPHE 3
"Hey, I never thought of that!" I whispered to Max. "Do you suppose — "
He met my eyes gravely. "No, my boy."
Dr. Sear identified the approaching scene as the next-to-last, his favorite and the climax of the tragedy. It opened with Dean Taliped, the Committee Chairman, and the Handsome Mailman standing together as before, while from the wings a small old man was dragged in between two burly chaps.
TALIPED: The Campus Cops are on the job, I see.
We'll put the screws to this old boy till we
squeeze out his answers or his worthless life.
[TO COMMITTEE CHAIRMAN]
But first: is he the valet that my wife
was speaking of? I don't have time to torture
ancient shepherds simply for the sport.
COMMITTEE CHAIRMAN: You're
right; that would be wasteful. He's the man,
okay: Labdakide's flunkey.
TALIPED: [TO MAILMAN]
Can you say for sure that he's your former pal?
MAILMAN: Former is right. That's him.
COMMITTEE CHAIRMAN: That's he.
TALIPED: Now cut that out!
[TO SHEPHERD]
Look here, old man, you'd better
speak the truth, the entire truth, et cetera.
SHEPHERD: I wish I was dead.
TALIPED: You may be, soon. Now answer
this: were you Labdakide's man, sir?
SHEPHERD: Yep. I shepped his sheep for quite a spell.
TALIPED: Where'd you mainly shep 'em, pops?
SHEPHERD: Oh well,
let's see: I shepped 'em here and shepped 'em there…
TALIPED: In Dean's Ravine?
SHEPHERD: I shepped 'em everywhere.
Stinking hungry sheep — - they're always eating.
TALIPED: In Dean's Ravine, do you remember meeting
this chap here? This Handsome Mailman type?
SHEPHERD: Nope.
MAILMAN: Come on! It's me you used to gripe
about your boss to, every time the two
of us would split a jug of Mountain Dew.
SHEPHERD: Okay, so we're old pals. Congratulations.
So what?
MAILMAN: Remember our negotiations
about a kid one day? You guaranteed
it was in perfect shape and wouldn't need
repairs before I sold it, flunk your eyes!
SHEPHERD: So sue me. I don't take back merchandise
after thirty years.
MAILMAN: That's not the point.
Tha kid was Taliped, who runs this joint.
SHEPHERD: What are you — - some kind of nut?
TALIPED: I warn