of her.
MAILMAN: You said it. But, that's how it goes.
In any case, I forgot to close
the bedroom door, and as I stood there swearing
and ogling her, young Taliped comes tearing
in. He yelled and hollered; I said, "Hi
there, Taliped," but he never did reply.
COMMITTEE CHAIRMAN: Another rude one. Cadmus seems to be
a little short on hospitality.
MAILMAN: That's right. Anyhow, he grabbed a knife
from somewhere and cut down his black-faced wife — -
/ mean his black-faced mother…
COMMITTEE CHAIRMAN: Let it go;
we get the general picture.
MAILMAN: And you know
what he did then?
COMMITTEE CHAIRMAN: I hope he wasn't rude
to you.
MAILMAN: Judge for yourself. There lay his nude
old lady, with the gown around her chin;
he tore off his diamond-studded fraternity pin
and also his old man's — - she wore them both,
you know — - then he let go an awful oath…
COMMITTEE CHAIRMAN: He's good at that.
MAILMAN: He said, "A flunking curse
upon that pair or breasts I used to nurse
and later played with in a different wise;
the breasts that wore these pins! Flunk the eyes,
your sun-blind husband's eyes, these too-bright wretches,
that blindly saw them!" He undid the catches
then, and poked his eyes out.
COMMITTEE CHAIRMAN: "Too-bright sun"!
He should have stabbed himself for such a pun.
MAILMAN: I just report the news; I'm not a critic.
The Dean's blind.
COMMITTEE CHAIRMAN: Like our hermaphroditic
Seer Emeritus, who foresaw this mess!
What's Taliped up to now?
MAILMAN: You'll never guess:
he wants to make a general exhibition,
to staff and students, of his low condition
before he flunks himself.
COMMITTEE CHAIRMAN: We can't have that.
What would the Trustees say? But he can chat
with us awhile, I guess, before he goes.
It helps to talk things over. I suppose
this is the poor chap coming now. Ugh!
[Enter TALIPED
TALIPED: Yes,
ifs me, friends.
COMMITTEE CHAIRMAN: I.
TALIPED: It's I, and I confess
I'm right bad off.
COMMITTEE CHAIRMAN: You are that, Dean. It makes
me somewhat ill to see you.
TALIPED: My heart breaks
for you. I was so handsome in Act One,
and now look.
COMMITTEE CHAIRMAN: Ech.
TALIPED: It's bad, huh?
COMMITTEE CHAIRMAN: If you're done,
sir, we'll be seeing you.
TALIPED: I'm not done yet.
COMMITTEE CHAIRMAN: I thought perhaps you were.
TALIPED: I wish you'd let
me speak my piece; it's my catastrophe.
Gee whiz, it hurts to know as much as me!
COMMITTEE CHAIRMAN: As much as — -
TALIPED: Never mind! I'd like to choke
that shepherd-type who saved my life.
COMMITTEE CHAIRMAN: The bloke
did no one any good, that's a fact.
If I were you, I wouldn't end this act
a blind old beggar: death would be much nicer,
I believe.
TALIPED: I don't need your advice, sir.
Suicide has never been my cup
of tea, and it would mess the symbols up.
Excuse me now; I have some things to curse.
COMMITTEE CHAIRMAN: Well, all right; go ahead.
TALIPED: I'll take a verse
or two to flunk that ditch called Dean's Ravine
because I didn't die there; then I mean
to flunk old Isthmus College and the chap
who raised me as his son. I'll take a slap
at Three-Tined Fork, and when I've flunked it I'll
curse marriage and love-making for a while,
since they're what made me what I am today.
Ten minutes ought to do the whole curse.
COMMITTEE CHAIRMAN: Say,
I guess we'll have to take a rain-check on it;
here comes your brother-in-law.
TALIPED: That clown! Doggoneit,
he's got no right to steal my biggest scene!
COMMITTEE CHAIRMAN: Be careful what you say; he's Acting Dean
these days, you know.
TALIPED: Oh boy. [Enter BROTHER-IN-LAW
COMMITTEE CHAIRMAN: [TO BROTHER-IN-LAW] Good evening, sir!
Nice to see you!
BROTHER-IN-LAW: Sure it is. You were
always glad to see me, I recall.
But never mind. Come on and help me haul
this eyeless bastard out of here before he
tells some news-reporter the whole story.