and admit he's in the dark as much as we are.
BROTHER-IN-LAW: Now that's no way to talk about the Seer,
Taliped. He couldn't name the dirty
dog right out, and yet he made it pretty
clear whom we're to look for and expel
from Cadmus College.
TALIPED: Then come on and tell
me who I've got to fire, man! Whom, / mean.
BROTHER-IN-LAW: The killer of Labdakides, our dean
before you took his place nine years ago.
TALIPED: That was my predecessor's name. Although
he published not a word before he perished,
Agenora speaks of him — - his cherished
wife, that I took later for my bride.
BROTHER-IN-LAW: No need to tell me that.
TALIPED: But how he died
I never took the trouble to find out.
BROTHER-IN-LAW: / noticed.
TALIPED: Excellent. But if the lout
who did the old man in is still around
and causing all this trouble, he'll be found,
by golly, and I'll show the wretch no pity.
[TO COMMITTEE CHAIRMAN]
/ here appoint you head of a committee
to find the killer of Labdakides.
COMMITTEE CHAIRMAN: Thanks a lot.
TALIPED: The rest of you will please
continue to function as committee-members.
[TO BROTHER-IN-LAW]
So how'd he die, and when?
BROTHER-IN-LAW: Nine Septembers
ago, I think, or ten — - no, it was nine —
Labdakides — - a relative of mine,
I might add — -
TALIPED: Everybody is, it seems.
COMMITTEE CHAIRMAN: [Aside]
Not everyone: just deans and wives of deans.
BROTHER-IN-LAW: In any case, the Dean had been invited
to head up a symposium; this delighted
him: he loved to speak in distant places,
eat and drink for free, and see new faces;
no matter what the subject or how rough
the journey, if the fee was high enough,
he'd go.
TALIPED: There's nothing strange in that; it is
among a dean's responsibilities.
He set out by himself, then? Please speak faster.
BROTHER-IN-LAW: Alone he wasn't. Besides the wagonmaster
he took his secretary — - quite a peach,
she was — - his valet, P. R. man, and speech-
writer. Five men and the girl, and all
but one was killed.
TALIPED: I guess it was the doll
who got away?
BROTHER-IN-LAW: I wish she had, old pal; it
should have been the girl and not the valet
who escaped. The way that kid could walk!
TALIPED: All right, all right; forget her. Did you talk
to this one chap, this valet who got away?
BROTHER-IN-LAW: I did. But all the yellow wretch could say
for himself was that he wished he'd never been
promoted from his old job by the Dean —
he'd used to be a shepherd, and he said
he wished he'd never valeted instead.
I guess he had no stomach for such snobbery…
TALIPED: Flunk his stomach! Was it highway robbery,
a crime of passion, or assassination?
Why was no subsequent investigation
held? This valet himself might be the crook!
BROTHER-IN-LAW: I doubt it: we made it plain we'd throw the book
at him for lying, if we caught him at it.
He swore to us he knew no more than that it
was a gang of toughs who did the deed.
TALIPED: A gang of toughs? What for?
BROTHER-IN-LAW: I wish that we'd
had time to ask that question. But before
we could, the shepherd bolted through the door
and fled to the remotest Cadmus barn.
We would have fetched him back, but then the darn
monster-business comes along and ties
us hand and foot, investigationwise.
We put all other matters on the shelf
till you came by. You know the rest yourself.
TALIPED: So here we are, hung up again with riddles!
The Proph-prof prophesies, the committee fiddles,
everybody gripes, and I'm supposed
to solve a murder-case that you-all closed
nine years ago. That's great! And not a shred
of evidence! The shepherd's no doubt dead
by now, or else he will have clean forgotten
what little he saw.
[Aside] Founder flunk this rotten
image they've laid on me: Master Sleuth:
The Dean Who'll Dare Anything for Truth!
[TO COMMITTEE CHAIRMAN AND BROTHER-IN-LAW]
Okay, okay, I'll see what I can do
to get the College off the hook and you
birds off my doorstep. It's not a bit of fun
to know that on the campus there's someone