who likes to kill administrators
(not to mention pretty secretaries).
What we need's a public show of deanly prudence.
Also firmness. Summon all the students
and professors here at once. By heck,
I'll find out who's to blame or break my neckl
We all applauded this resolution — all except Croaker, who I saw was fast asleep, and Max, who found the translation unsatisfactory. Dr. Sear especially commended Taliped's statement, declaring however that in his mind its appeal came from the fact that it was precisely this high-minded vow that would be the Dean's undoing, according to the laws of tragedy. Taliped and his brother-in-law left the stage now, by way of the Deanery door, and the committee of department-heads and vice-administrators dispersed to right and left, but reassembled again a moment later, facing us in a line, just as I was about to inquire further into the laws of tragedy, which I was unfamiliar with.
"This is the párodos," Sear whispered. "They sing and dance."
As I heard of dancing before but never seen any except in Stoker's Living Room, I attended the line of committeemen with interest. First they stepped sideways to the left, in unison, singing in a kind of chant and taking one step to each accented beat of the rhythm:
O Founder all-potent and — wise,
Who sees with unspectacled eyes:
You must see that we're
All spitless with fear
Since You laid on this latest surprise.
They then danced back again in the same manner, regaining their original position at the end of a stanza equal in length to the first:
To You, Sir, we come for advice,
Because (like we said) You're so wise.
You rescued us once, Sir,
From the jaws of the monster;
For pity's sake rescue us twice.
These separate dances Dr. Sear called strophes and anti-strophes, and he excused the committee's bad grammar on the grounds that probably no more than one member was from the Language and Literature Department. There were two other pairs of stanzas:
Cadmus College is half down the drain: [STROPHE 2
The drop-outs are dropping like rain;
Tuition's outrageous;
The kids are rampageous;
And all people do is complain.
No wisdom or virtue survives: [ANTISTROPHE 2
Small boys prowl the streets with large knives.
Student morals are looser:
What they do when they woo, Sir,
We don't even do with our wives.
"What do you suppose that could be?" asked Peter Greene, but no one answered him. The committee's complaint greatly moved the audience, many of whom murmured assent or blew their noses into paper tissues.
All classes of woes seem to ail us; [STROPHE 3
For pity's sake pass us or fail us!
Things look pretty quiet,
But we're all set to riot
Against these dark foes that assail us.
On this strophe the dance had been rearwards; now in the closing antistrophe the committee marched forward, its voice rising strongly over the burst of applause from the spectators:
Our enemy's strong, and he's clever, [ANTISTROPHE 3
And we're fairly stupid. However,
We hope that our Founder'll
Search out the scoundrel
And flunk him forever and ever!
So great was the response to this last supplication that although Taliped reappeared from the Deanery door in time to hear it, and raised his hand for silence, it was some time before he could make himself heard.
"Conservative hysteria," Max grumbled. "Always leads to persecution."
"Now comes the first episode," Sear whispered to me. The audience grew quiet.
TALIPED: Come on; there's no use moaning to the Founder.
Let's put our own IQ's to work. It's sounder
and also more reliable.
"I'll say it is," Max said.
TALIPED: now look:
It seems to me the surest way to hook
the fish we're after is to make it clear
that anyone can speak up without fear
who has a tip of any sort. I won't
ask why he didn't speak up sooner; don't
fear that. But on the other hand, by gum,
if any prof or student knows the bum
who turned my wife's first husband off, he'd better
come across, in person or by letter:
the penalty for silence is suspension.
The killer of the old dean (not to mention
his stenographer and other lackeys)
will suffer more: his punishment, in fact, is
going to be total flunkage and expulsion
from the College. Such is my revulsion
for deanicide, I won't hesitate
to drive the rascal out myself; I hate
him in advance! Even if it should
turn out to be a relative, I would
put it to him without mercy. I'm
as hot and bothered over this old crime
as if I'd seen it happen. Can you hear
this vow I'm vowing, you folks in the rear?
I couldn't more despise the killer had he
killed, not my predecessor, but my daddy!
COMMITTEE CHAIRMAN: [Aside]
At least he talks a good investigation,
and vows a pretty vow. In Proclamation
One, an undergraduate course, we teach
that sort of thing.
[TO TALIPED]
Look here, I'll swear no speech-
professor's guilty of the deed, or of
withholding evidence.
TALIPED: Because they love
to talk, but not to act. What's on your mind?