COMMITTEE CHAIRMAN: What, and lose your sinecure?
I'll bet you will.
BROTHER-IN-LAW: A whipping-boy — - that's what
he's looking for! This guff about a plot
against him is a way to pass the buck
for his bad judgment.
[Enter TALIPED, from Deanery]
COMMITTEE CHAIRMAN:Well, I wish you luck;
you're going to need it.
BROTHER-IN-LAW: Hah! I've half a mind to
punch his nose!
COMMITTEE CHAIRMAN:He's standing right behind you.
BROTHER-IN-LAW: He who — - Oh, hi there, Taliped, old buddyl
Ha ha! I was just saying how that cruddy
Proph-prof ought to be hauled in for selling
baloney without a license. I was telling
my old friend here that. Ha ha! Ha! Ha.
TALIPED: He said I murdered Pa and mounted Ma.
BROTHER-IN-LAW: Gynander said that? Wait till I see him!
COMMITTEE CHAIRMAN: [TO BROTHER-IN-LAW]
Don't sock the Dean too hard.
BROTHER-IN-LAW: [TO TALIPED]
/ ought to trim
the rascal's ears back for him!
TALIPED: And I ought
to break your scheming neck for you! You thought
I didn't see what you were up to? Haw!
Gynander and my own dear brother-in-law!
Who would've thought you had the guts?
COMMITTEE CHAIRMAN: He doesn't,
Taliped, believe me.
BROTHER-IN-LAW: [TO COMMITTEE CHAIRMAN]
Thanks.
TALIPED: It wasn't
him who hatched the plot?
COMMITTEE CHAIRMAN: It wasn't he.
BROTHER-IN-LAW: No, sir, it wasn't me.
COMMITTEE CHAIRMAN: I.
TALIPED: Yes sirree,
I think it was. Why did Gynander wait
nine years to speak? When I came through the gate
of Cadmus that first time, he could have made
his crazy speech. The truth is, he was paid
to tell those lies today.
[TO BROTHER-IN-LAW]
You want to be
the dean, right?
BROTHER-IN-LAW: Wrong. It wasn't me.
COMMITTEE CHAIRMAN: It wasn't I.
TALIPED: [TO COMMITTEE CHAIRMAN]
Who said it was?
COMMITTEE CHAIRMAN: Excuse me.
BROTHER-IN-LAW: [TO TALIPED]
Consider this, sir, and you won't accuse me:
Why would I want your job, when my own
is so much better? You don't hear me groan,
like you, about long hours and great mobs
of nincompoops to deal with.
TALIPED: No.
BROTHER-IN-LAW: My job's
an easy job.
TALIPED: The easiest.
BROTHER-IN-LAW: It pays me
well enough.
TALIPED: Too well.
BROTHER-IN-LAW: I'd be crazy
to want the deanship. You don't get the credit
when things go well; the teachers do.
TALIPED: You said it.
BROTHER-IN-LAW: And yet when things go wrong you take the blame.
COMMITTEE CHAIRMAN: [Aside]
Not if he can help it.
TALIPED: All the same,
I say you're out to get me, and since I'm
the dean, what I say goes.
COMMITTEE CHAIRMAN: [Aside]
Now there's a prime
example of his keen intelligencel
BROTHER-IN-LAW: You're not a dean, sir, when you don't talk sense.
TALIPED: For Cadmus' sake!
BROTHER-IN-LAW: This joint's my alma mater;
it isn't yours.
TALIPED: Oh boy, you're in hot water
[Enter AGENORA, from Deanery]
COMMITTEE CHAIRMAN: Hey, look: here comes old Agenora.
[Aside]
That woman can't resist a quarrel or a
man. Her tongue is second to none for meanness,
and she'll sleep with anything that has a — -
[TO AGENORA]
Deaness,
dear! How nice you look today! So young!
AGENORA: And you're so gallant. Pity you're not well hung.
[TO TALIPED]
What's going on here, lover? Gee, you're cute
when something makes you angry.
BROTHER-IN-LAW: The dispute
you overheard was Taliped accusing
me of treason!
AGENORA: That's the most amusing
poppycock I've heard all day.
TALIPED: It's true.
AGENORA: You're handsome, strong, and sexy, doll, but you
don't have as much upstairs as down below.
Him a traitor! Sweetums, don't you know
he couldn't hurt a flea? He's such a lily!
BROTHER-IN-LAW: Thanks a lot, Sis.
AGENORA: Now, then: quit this silly
squabbling, before Momma spanks you both.