here's a special-delivery, ma'am; I guess
I'd better get it to the right address,
much as I'd like to neck awhile. You know
we Handsome Mailmen can't be stopped by snow
or dead of night or housewives out to vamp us.
I'll see you after hours.
AGENORA: On this campus,
love, you'll see me when I want you to.
I'm Mrs. Taliped.
MAILMAN: You are? Then you
can take this letter for your husband, dear.
It's from his alma mater. Now, come here;
that means my work's all done and we can neck
a little while before I have to trek
along.
AGENORA: Hold on…
MAILMAN: That's what I'm doing, girlie.
AGENORA: I'd better read this first.
MAILMAN: It says that early
yesterday the Dean of Isthmus died.
Heart attack. Now are you satisfied?
AGENORA: I see you like to read what you're delivering.
MAILMAN: Here's something else to set your husband quivering:
as soon as he presents his ID-card
at Isthmus College, folks there will regard
him as their dean, as well as yours, I try
to memorize these things in case some guy
should ever rob the mail, you understand?
AGENORA: You bet I do, big boy. Let go my hand
now; here comes hubby.
[TO TALIPED]
Hi there, Taliped.
This Handsome Mailman just blew in and said
your father down in Isthmus had a stroke
or something and dropped dead.
COMMITTEE CHAIRMAN: I'm glad you woke
up when you did, sir.
TALIPED: I'm not.
COMMITTEE CHAIRMAN: This sad news
is not without its brighter side…
TALIPED: Who's
dead? What's this? What's up? What does it mean?
AGENORA: It means, sleepyhead, that you're the dean
of Isthmus College now, and Cadmus too.
It also means that anybody who
believes the proph-profs is a bloody fool.
I told you so. Don't worry now that you'll
do in your dad. The old man had heart-failure.
TALIPED: He did?
MAILMAN: That's right.
AGENORA: As for your mother's tail, you're
not to worry over that again.
TALIPED: I'm not?
AGENORA: No.
TALIPED: Why not?
AGENORA: Because half the men
on campus, in their dreams, have slipped it in
the place they first came out of. That's no sin.
MAILMAN: She's right. I've dreamt such things myself at times.
AGENORA: I'm sure you have, pet.
COMMITTEE CHAIRMAN: Dreams like that aren't crimes,
Dean Taliped.
TALIPED: Are you still here?
COMMITTEE CHAIRMAN: Yes, sir.
AGENORA: Those evil-minded proph-profs like to stir
up trouble by pretending dreams come true.
They don't, so there.
TALIPED: It isn't hard for you
to talk that way, dear: you don't have the curse.
COMMITTEE CHAIRMAN: [TO MAILMAN]
She hasn't had for years.
MAILMAN: That's nice.
TALIPED: The worse
of those two prophecies might snag me yet:
I can't kill my old man, but I might get
to my old lady, since she's still alive.
MAILMAN: Is that your problem, Dean?
TALIPED: That's one.
MAILMAN: Then I've
got news for you. You don't know me, but I
know you from way back when. That nice old guy
in Isthmus and his wife, that used to call
you Sonny, weren't your mom and dad at all.
TALIPED: They weren't?
MAILMAN: No. You needn't have skipped out.
TALIPED: Then who the flunk am I?
AGENORA: Please don't shout;
I have a headache.
TALIPED: What do you think I've got?
Good news, he calls it! Don't you see I'm not
off the Proph-profs hook yet? Look, old man —
AGENORA: He's not so old.
MAILMAN: [TO AGENORA]
You either, kid.
AGENORA: [TO MAILMAN]
You can
put your mail in my box any time.
TALIPED: For Founder's sake get serious, or I'm
a goner! If they weren't my folks, then why'd
they raise me as their son? Why did they hide
the truth from me?
MAILMAN: The Dean and his old lady
kept their mouths shut 'cause they knew how shady
your adoption was. And they promoted
me so I'd shut up. Before I toted
mail I was a shepherd, see, and once