"I'll take advantage of everything I can to get you. What's wrong with that?"
"Everything. You know I don't want to feel this way about you."
"That doesn't matter. I won't go away, and neither will your feelings. And I won't stop forcing you to face them until you accept the truth about you and me. "
The truth, she thought wildly. What is the truth? Was she in the arms of a murderer? If he was capable of that, then everything he had said to her was a lie. She couldn't accept that. In her heart she had to believe in him, or never trust in anything again, especially her own instincts. The conflict, the doubt, tore at her with icy claws.
"Please," she wheezed, prying at his hands, and she stumbled away as he let her go. Spinning around, she looked at him in panic, his face branded permanently in her memory. Image after image blazed through her mind: Ben, kneeling by her after she'd been thrown from her horse… risking his life for a wounded man… laughing at her temper… fighting Jeff for her… comforting Watts when he cried… helping a drunken Russell to bed… holding her with passion.
Ben-comforter, protector… lover.
He was no murderer.
He didn't do it. He isn't capable of cold-blooded murder. That was the only truth she found inside. She couldn't doubt it, no matter what price she might have to pay for her faith in him. There was nothing else to choose. With the decision made, Addie knew an overwhelming relief.
"What do you want?" she asked unsteadily.
Ben looked at her with a consuming gaze. "To be part of you… part of your life. But I'll be damned if I can stand not having your trust. I'm worthy of it. "
"I know."
"Then I deserve the chance to prove it. Trust me. Give me tonight. I swear you won't be sorry." As he waited for an answer and she remained silent, he wound her hair around his hand and pulled her head back, forcing her to look at him. "Dammit, Addie, I'm in love with you. And I'm through with games. Do you understand? I love you. "
An ache of sweetness swept over her. She couldn't speak. Her eyes filled with tears, and her arms crept around his neck. Ben's impatience subsided as he felt her quiver.
"Give me tonight," he said, knowing he had won, and she pulled his head down to hers. He crushed her against his body. The heat of his skin seared through her nightgown, raising goose bumps of pleasure, causing the peaks of her breasts to tighten.
His mouth was savage, his arms bruising in their strength. They were so close their heartbeats mingled, and though Addie's pulse was pounding madly, Ben's was like violent thunder. Their kisses lengthened, deepened, lingered.
His body was bronze and silver in the faltering light from the window. Addie splayed her hands over his back, explored down to the loosened waist of his Levi's, then stopped in sudden shyness. Ben murmured something indistinguishable and spread the edges of her robe, easing it down her arms. It dropped to the floor with a soft rustle.
She stood motionless, her fingers resting at his waist as he undid the tiny button at the top of her high-necked gown, then the next, following the trail of fastenings down to a spot just beneath her breasts. His lips brushed against her cheek, catching the last glimmer of a forgotten tear.
Unhurriedly he peeled the nightgown off her shoulders and let it drop in a circle around her feet. Their fingers tangled together as he took her hands and led them to his shoulders. She left them there and let him look at her, shivering slightly as his eyes traveled over her slender body. Impossible to look at his face, for fear of what she might see written there. She wanted to be everything for him. She wanted to be perfect for him. His gaze moved down her, returned slowly to her face, and his eyes darkened with passion.
"I knew you'd be beautiful," he whispered. "I knew I'd want you. But nothing close to this." He picked her up and carried her to the bed, his feet making no sound on the floor. Helplessly she clung to him, her feet dangling as his arm hooked under her knees. The whole world seemed to tilt as he settled her on the bed. He stripped off his jeans and bent over her. Biting her lower lip to hold in a moan, she closed her eyes as his mouth descended to her breasts.
Restlessly she twisted underneath him, craving the weight of his body on hers, and he slid his hand down to her stomach, pressing her against the mattress. "Slow," he murmured, his fingers skimming the curve of her hip. "Slow and patient… Addie. love… "
"I want to be yours-"
"You are."
"I want you inside me."
"Not yet." His tongue feathered along the indentation of her midriff, causing her to quiver. "Not yet… we have time."
She stroked his hair, loving the feel of him, the freedom of touching him. In this moment he belonged to her… he was hers. Slowly her thoughts were drowned out by his gentle hands and his whispering. Random whispers, praising her, encouraging her to respond, heightening her pleasure.
"Your hips fit my hands…you're so smooth here… and here. Move closer let me touch don't be shy with me. I love the smell of your skin like flowers… what do you want?… take my hand and show me… yes, like that… "
He was intent on knowing her better than she did herself. All secrets were stripped away from her in the darkness, everything that was private and intimate revealed. She refused -him nothing, answering silent questions she had never dreamed he would want to ask. The need to know him in the same way, to understand his body, was a scourging fire.
Ben caught his breath as her hands moved down to his hips. Her fingertips grazed the edge of the coarse hair that feathered low across his abdomen. She hesitated, her fingers hovering near the pulsing, aroused length of him, and he knew she was uncertain. He ached for the feel of her hands on him, small, feminine hands that needed to be taught how to touch a man.
"Addie…" His hand slid to the back of hers, and she pulled away as if touched by fire. "No, no…let me show you," he said, and it was difficult to keep his voice gentle when his body was shaking with eagerness. "Make me ready for you," he urged, taking her hand in a stronger grip and shaping her palm to his aroused flesh, showing her how to pleasure him. She blushed in the darkness and followed the intimate lesson awkwardly, spurred on by the tremor of his fingers, the racing of his heart. Up and down her hand traveled, clasping loosely, pausing to test the silky texture of his skin. His breath rushed in her hair as she became bolder, and he let go of her, allowing her to touch him without guidance. She dared to whisper the same questions that he'd asked her, about what felt good, what he liked, and she was rewarded by his soft laugh.
"You're an angel," Ben murmured, kissing her possessively, lifting her hands up to his face and pressing her palms against his cheeks. "… angel…" His fingers searched through the damp tangle of hair between her legs as he continued to kiss her. Slowly, slowly, she felt the intrusion of his finger into her body, and she started, her thighs tensing.
"Don't tighten," he said huskily. "Relax. Let me inside, darlin’.” And she tried to release the inner clenching as she felt his finger slip even deeper. His touch was agile and sensitive, sliding and stroking until she arched up to him and froze with a faint sound, gripped in a surge of pleasure. The heel of his hand ground gently against the softness between her thighs, drawing out her ecstasy as long as possible.