"Is his sister still working in that dance hall?" she asked, and Ben shrugged.
"Far as I know."
"You were going to offer him money to get her out of there."
"I couldn't get him to take it."
"Too proud?" she mused out loud. "What about offering him more work and paying him extra-"
"I've already tried that, and no, he doesn't want to work more. I think everyone's reconciled to what his sister is, honey. Now, stop trying to fix everyone else's problems and start worrying about me for a change. "
"Worrying about you is all I've been doing lately!"
Addie put her hands on her hips as Ben sauntered over to her. She'd been through a terrible day, all because of him, and a little accounting was in order. "Stop right there." He paused a few feet away, his eyebrow arched in inquiry. "I have no intention of letting you near me, Ben Hunter. You've been awful to me all week. Rude, bad-tempered… you've ignored and insulted me-"
"I've gone through hell. I've wanted you so damn badly I couldn't see straight, and I've had enough work and worry to make a saint cuss."
"And you think I've had it easier? How do you think I felt when I saw you and Jeff fighting in the middle of the street like a bear and a bull? It didn't accomplish anything except to make matters worse between us and the Johnsons."
Ben scowled, his playful mood vanishing. "I couldn't help it. When I saw him looking down at you like that-Jesus, you'd think you were the only woman in Texas, the way he looked at you-and when he touched you-"
"For heaven's sake, he wasn't exactly going to ravish me in the street! The whole town was there."
"He was acting as if he owned you," Ben said moodily, folding his arms across his chest and shifting his weight to one leg, the other propped out in a masculine stance. "He damn sure seems to feel he has a claim on you, Addie. Why is that?" There was a flicker of jealousy in his eyes.
"What are you asking?"
"Just how far did you go with him?"
She was amazed at his bluntness. "When he and I were courting?"
"Yes."
"Oh, for heaven's… you don't really expect me to answer that."
No reply. He stared at her obstinately.
"You do," she said slowly. "After all you and I… Oh, I'd never have expected this from you! How far do you think I went with him? You know you're the first and only man I've ever made love with. Isn't that enough to satisfy your precious ego? It's just too bad if it isn't, because I'm not about to tell you the intimate details of my relationships with any other men not unless you're prepared to tell me what you've done with other women!"
"It's not the same."
"Not…" Addie started to repeat, and stopped in aston-ishment. Sometimes she forgot that although Ben was less chauvinistic than most men around here, he still had his moments. Suddenly she wanted to laugh. "Why isn't it the same?" she demanded. "If you have a right to know about my past experience, then I have a right to know about yours."
"We're not equally accountable for such things. A man is supposed to have experience. And a woman-"
"Is supposed to be ignorant? Pardon me-I forgot there was one set of rules for you and another for me."
"I'm not talking about rules-"
"Aren't you? You're supposed to be experienced and I'm not. Well, I was perfectly happy for you to be my first. But don't you think I would've liked to be your first too?"
Ben looked startled, as if the idea had never occurred to him before. "You have the damnedest way of twisting things around."
"Sometimes I have to. You're not always fair to me."
One corner of his mouth turned down, and he swore under his breath. "Look, I'm sorry I started this. I don't know why I asked you about that jackass. I just can't stand the thought of you being close to him."
"I can't change the fact that I used to care for him. But I never came close to feeling about him the way I do about you. You know that."
He shrugged, glaring at the floor.
Addie sighed. "Well, let me tell you something. I hate thinking of you with other women. I wish I could erase them from your memory. I wish you'd never been with anyone but me. But there's nothing I can do to change that, is there? Don't you see how pointless it is to fret about such things you have no control over?"
Ben looked up at her, his green eyes vivid in the darkness. He walked to her with measured paces, moving forward until she was forced to back up against the wall of the house. When there was no space left between her spine and the wall, he braced his arms on either side of her head. She turned her face away from his as she felt the crush of his body against hers, the touch of his breath against her cheek. God help her, she could never stay angry with him for long.
"I never said I'd be easy to get along with," he said. "You didn't have to say it. I knew you wouldn't be. "
He closed his eyes and kissed the wave of hair that had fallen over her temple, his mouth brushing against the soft skin just underneath her eye. Then his lips traced the line of her eyebrow, and she felt the touch of his tongue at the sleek point of it. She lifted her chin, seeking his mouth, and sighed a little as he kissed her with slow intensity. Silently they pressed closer to each other, clinging fiercely, hungering, prolonging the kiss until Ben made an uncomfortable sound and raised his head.
"I won't be able to stop," he said, breathing hard.
"Ben, when are we going to be able to-"
"I wish I knew." He looked pained. "I can't visit you tonight. No one's going to sleep well tonight after the trouble this afternoon."
"What's going to happen between us and the Johnsons?" she whispered, burrowing deeper into his embrace. "I hate it that things have gone this far."
"We'll have to take things as they come. I won't let my temper get out of hand again. It'll be easier now that our engagement is out in the open."
"You have so many responsibilities. I wish I could make things easier for you. "
"I'll be fine." He groaned and rested his chin on the top of her head. "If only I didn't want you so much. I can't even look at you across the table without feeling this happen." He pulled her loins tighter into his, and she pressed her hot face into his neck, her heart racing.
"It's just as difficult for me."
"It's different for men, honey. Believe me."
"I'm sorry," she whispered with a smile.
"Addie!" came May's voice from inside the house, a signal they'd spent too much time alone on the porch.
"I'll be right in, Mama." Addie shifted away from Ben, knowing she had to leave him. She missed the warmth of his body as soon as they parted. In a sudden movement she reached out and pulled herself against him, her grip feverishly tight. "I can't let go of you."