"You're a lucky lady." Hanta smiles enigmatically and moves her stethoscope to the ball of my left shoulder, pulling open my hospital gown to get at it. "I'm sorry, I'll be quick. Hmm." She stares into the stethoscope's eye crystal and frowns. "It's a long time since I've seen that... sorry." She straightens up. "It's not safe to climb around in the walls here; some of the neighboring biomes aren't biomorphically integrated. There are replicators in the mass fraction reserve cells that will eat anything based on a nucleotide chassis that doesn't broadcast a contact inhibition signal, and you're not equipped for that."
I swallow againmy mouth is unnaturally dry. "What?"
"Somehow or other you've managed to get yourself infected with a strain of pestis mechaniculorum . You're feverish because your immune system is still just about containing it. It's a good thing for you that we found you before mechanotic cytolysis set in... Anyway, I'll fix you up just as soon as I finish sequencing it."
"Um." I shudder again. "Oh, okay."
"Okay' indeed. Do I have to tell you not to go climbing around inside the walls again?" I shake my head, almost embarrassed by my own fear of discovery. "Good." She pats me on the shoulder. "At least if you're going to do it again, come to me first, please? No more unfortunate accidents." She carefully disconnects the stethoscope and wraps it around her caduceus. It makes soft clicking noises as it fuses with the staff. "Now I'll just run you off a little antirobotic, and you'll be up and about in no time."
Dr. Hanta hitches up her coat, then perches on a stool next to my bed. "Isn't this a bit out of character?" I ask her, throwing caution to the winds. I suspect if I asked Fiore or Yourdon that question, they'd bite my head off, but Hanta seems more approachable, if not more trustworthy.
"We all make mistakes." It's that smile again: It's slightly fey and very sincere, as if she's laughing at a joke that I'd laugh along with, if I only knew what it was. "You leave worrying about the integrity of the experiment to me, dear." She waves a dismissive hand. "Of course you worry about it when the priests' backs are turned. Of course people try to game the systemit's only to be expected. Probably some people don't even want to be here. Maybe they changed their minds after signing the waiver. All I can say is, we'll do our best to make sure they're not unhappy with the outcome." She raises an eyebrow at me speculatively. "It's not easy to run an experiment on this scale, and we make mistakes, what else can I say? Some of us make more mistakes than others." And now she pulls an expression of mild distaste, which seems to say it all. She's inviting my agreement, and I find myself nodding along despite my better judgment.
"But those mistakes..." I stop, unsure if I should continue.
"Yes?" She leans forward.
"How's Cass?" I force myself to ask.
Dr. Hanta's face, which up until now has been open and friendly, closes like a trapdoor. "Why do you ask?"
I lick my lips again. "I need something to drink." She slides off her stool and paces round my bed, pours what's left of the water jug into my cup, and hands it to me without a word. I swallow. "One of Fiore's little mistakes, I suppose." I aim to say it lightly, but it comes out dripping with sarcasm.
"Oh yes." Dr. Hanta looks round, toward the far end of the wardat something hidden from me by the curtain. I shudder, and this time it's not from the fever chills. "I wouldn't say one of his little mistakes." Her tone of voice is dry, but there's something behind it that makes me glad I can't see her face. But when she turns back to me, her expression is perfectly normal. "Cass will be all right, dear."
"And Mick?" I prompt.
"That is under discussion."
"Under discussion. Was what happened to Esther and Phil discussed ahead of time?"
"Reeve"she actually has the gall to look upset"no, it wasn't. Someone miscalculated badly. They've gone back to the primary sources and discovered that what, what Esther and Phil were doing wasn't so very unusual. And you're right, the weighting attached to, uh, what they didMajor Fiore misjudged the mood of the crowd. It won't happen again, we've learned from that experience, and from" She swallows, then nods minutely at the curtain. "If a couple doesn't get on, there's going to be a procedure to go through to obtain formal social approval of the separation. We're not evil. We're in this for the long haul, and if you're unhappy, if everyone's unhappy here, the polity won't gel, and the experiment can't work."
The experiment can't work. I look at her and find myself wondering, Does she mean it? Fiore and Yourdon are so cynical I find myself startled to be in the presence of a member of their team who seems to believe in what she's doing. I'm suddenly appalled, as badly taken aback by her honesty as the police zombies are by a stripper. "Uh. I think I see." I shake my head, then wince. My neck aches. "But as long as Mick stays here, some of us won't be happy at all."
"Oh, Mick will be dealt with one way or another, dear." Her caduceus trills for attention, and she fidgets with it as she talks. "I don't think the psychological damage is irremediablewe probably won't have to restore from backup, which is a good thing right now. But I'm going to have to redesign his motivational parameters from the ground up." She frowns at the serpent heads but doesn't explain herself further. "Cass will be... well, I'm attending to the physical damage right now, and when she's better, I'll ask her who she wants to be." She falls silent for a few seconds. "Most medical fraternities, confronted by a patient with this level of damage, would prescribe gross memory surgeryor simply terminate the instance and restore from backup. I don't believe in authorizing such a serious step without taking her wishes into account."
She falls silent again. After a moment I realize she's staring at me. "What is it?"
"We need to talk about your blackouts."
"My what?" I bite my tongue, but it's a bit late to play dumb.
Dr. Hanta raises one eyebrow and crosses her arms. "I'm not stupid, you know." She looks away, as if she's speaking to someone else. "Everyone in here has been through redactive reweighting and experiential reduction before we recruit them. One of the reasons this polity needs a medical supervisor is to be ready for identity crises. Most people have some inkling of who they used to be and why they wanted memory surgery. Occasionally, we get someone who doesn't rememberthere's something they wanted to bury so deep that they wouldn't even know what it was about. Something painful. But I don't normally see... well! You've gone into fugue twice since you were admitted to this ward, did you know that? I checked with your husband during your last one, and he said you've been having them more frequently."
She leans toward me, keeping her hands sandwiched in her armpits as if she's hugging herself. "I don't like to intrude where I'm not wanted, but by the sound of it, you need help very badly indeed. You seem to have had a bad reaction to the suppressants the clinic used on you, and while I can't be sure without making a detailed examination, there is a risk that you could be heading for some kind of crisis. I don't want to overstate things, but in the worst-case scenario you could lose... well, everything that makes you you . For example, if it's an autoimmune reactionaccording to your file you've got a heuristic upgrade to your complement system, and sometimes the Bayesian recognizers start firing off at the wrong targetsyou could end up with anterograde amnesia, a complete inability to lay down any new mnemostructures. Or it might just be a sloppy earlier edit bleeding through and triggering random integration fugues, in which case things will ease off after a while, although you won't enjoy the ride. But I can't tell you what to expect, much less treat you, if you won't even admit you've got a problem."